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Posts: 9421
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aight so i had to move my "extra" shit that i originally put in the garage, to my car- because my dad- WHO TOLD ME TO PUT IT IN THE GARAGE has now decided he does NOT want it in the garage so i moved all of it into my car. 

 

this makes sense anyway because it was all stuff i'm planning to give away. so now i can just drive it to the donation center and drop it off when it re-opens.

 

so that's good i got rid of that. i don't like having "extra" shit like i said, i'm minimalistic. the less stuff i have to make a mess with the better so, i just keep what i use regularly and like, serves a purpose 

 

now i have to finish clearing bedroom #2 out, there is 

a) clothes hanging in the closet that are my moms which need to go in her closet 

b) my nephews extra toys and books which really should be at his house in his toy room, but over the years he brought stuff over and just left it here so they accumulated here 

c) extra bed linens which go in the laundry closet 

d) a little bit of bathroom stuff, like towels and shampoos which need to go in the bathroom closet 

 

i've already organized all of it into sections and it's ready to "go" i just have to move it to the place it has to go 

 

i do things in a really organized way, and i also make sure the end result looks pretty and is organized and functional. like it makes sense. 

 

i don't exactly know yet what i'm going to do with bedroom #2 once it's empty, and how i'm going to divide up like, the two rooms. which room will function as what, kind of space yet. i have no idea. but, i don't have that much shit so, that part isn't hard at all it's actually fun. 

 

i just need to work out a design for the two rooms that makes sense still. 

 

last edit on 5/13/2020 7:15:03 PM
Posts: 9421
0 votes RE: Pain

Sitting outside with my dogs by the pool... was hoping it would be warm out but it’s not 

 

still feels aight just,... i kinda wanted to get baked by the sun while getting baked you know what i mean 

 

my parents went to the storage facility so i have a moment to smok enchil

last edit on 5/13/2020 10:21:01 PM
Posts: 9421
0 votes RE: Pain

Ended up getting the pool and showered 

Posts: 229
0 votes RE: Pain

Odd. You seem to drink and eat healthily and every time you post a picture you seem very overweight.

 

Ho ho ho Walt Disney is anti-semite and a racist
Posts: 9421
0 votes RE: Pain

Hi i just had a mild anxiety attack lol 

 

To explain. I dont know if i even can with words... 

 

i realized who i am and that I’ve been isn’t myself but just a thing to cover up myself so that i dont have to experience various, pains and discomforts of different sorts.

 

And it was so uncomfortable to have myself resurface like that i just had an anxiety attack feeling exposed 

 

and had to watch YouTube to distract myself from that reality and forget about it 

 

what, the fuck

 

ok. 

 

And thats probably why I feel like I’m in a fog or depressed all the time of like mental discomforts and i dont know why or where theyre coming from 

 

its just cuz I’m living a completely inauthentic life and those are just the bubbles coming up to the surface 

 

hard to explain but... the realization was really overwhelming cuz, that is difficult for my psyche to handle for whatever reason (probably trauma) 

 

Which is the reason i was burying myself in the first place. So yeah. I just felt like I was breaking for a moment and my reality was splitting in two to reveal a larger backdrop behind it that is the actual reality and this whole time the reality i thought i was seeing was just a 2d image that wasn’t reality 

 

and so i was like aldfahfhhhfhjjjjjjjkkkkk DFJASDFJA like that movie the Mandela effect the ending of it yeah 

 

so yeah 

 

um.... and i felt like a wet baby seal feeling cold arctic air for the first time 🥶

 

WOWEe. That makes a lot of sense...??? I just- I’m still trying to understand like, when did i start burying myself and why like, how- the fuck does a person even do that 

 

but i guess i just did 

 

I’m still like... wtf lol but aight 

last edit on 5/14/2020 6:59:03 AM
Posts: 9421
0 votes RE: Pain

The anxiety and dissociation is starting to come back so I’m just gonna like go back to DISTRACTING MYSELF OK BYE! AHHH

Posts: 9421
0 votes RE: Pain

Maybe all this introspection isnt good for me lmao i need a blunt holy fuck 

 

and to just forget bout all that and cHILL OUT for a second dear god 

 

wtf 

 

This song chills me out 

 

rn i need songs that sound like Xanax 

last edit on 5/14/2020 7:10:31 AM
Posts: 5402
0 votes RE: Pain

I was just gona say u need a blunt ahhaa stop introstpecting so much guurl

Posts: 9421
0 votes RE: Pain
Xadem said: 

I was just gona say u need a blunt ahhaa stop introstpecting so much guurl

 Got sum Xanax boi

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