you have the EQ of a toddler and support ability to help him, and you are also a junkie with zero self control and ability to manage her addiction so you will only be an obstacle for him, possibly making him relapse. if you want him to succeed stay way from him
What happens when he succeeds at staying clean but he's still a loser at life? It's a one way ticket back to substance abuse. You have to do it for yourself, not to prove something.
It's the same thing ego-wise, so I'd more look at which of the two's more likely to get results. A lot of people need something outside of themselves to challenge themselves while otherwise falling apart once left to their own devices (AA pushes this too).
Doing it because of others is still him "doing it for himself", just relatively as opposed to through pure idealism. He's arguably just as liable to drop it being over himself as he is over it being over other people (maybe more likely). At least as long as he has a chip on his shoulder over how much "better" others are doing, he'll be more likely to blame himself for the choices he's making that allow others to surpass him.
Competition is a healthy drive, as long as he's not trying to do some sort of sabotaging espionage or whatever, and as long as the stress it creates isn't a total mind killer. I've found myself that without competition that my own abilities tend to languish.Being competetive and being bitter are not the same thing.
Well yeah, just like gasoline is to a car, one's the fuel for the other, but could also be used to burn the entire thing down.
It sounds more like he wants to get clean out of spite than a genuine desire to help himself.
i think its excellent he’s had this notion because its the first time he’s publicly expressed any desire to get sober and being genuinely serious about it in years. For me i was just holding my breath sort of watching him spiral downward, and i didn’t know if he would ever snap out of it.
So this is better than nothing.
I personally have come to point before where i put my foot down and said I’d quit everything, and i was super serious but, still had relapses afterward. I currently have three months sober.
Making the decision to be clean doesn’t have to entail success, it just entails that you are on a journey of changing something for the better. It’s about intentions, and those intentions cause a chain reaction and give you the sense to make the decisions that will be better for yourself.
It’s not about clean time, how many times you relapse, how much you used, or what you used. It’s about not giving up and learning how to avidly pursue recovery in a way that works for you.
And this in and of itself is a dynamic thing that changes over time and your relationship with recovery changes.
But it always does start with the same notion for everyone, it started the same for the people with 25 years clean, it started the same for the guy who relapsed 17 days in. That notion has serious validity and is important.
Which of the two do you imagine bringing him more results?
That would mean that all it takes is others failing for him to feel like he's done enough. This is not a sustainable outlook.
When do you figure he'll think he's done enough though?
He never states that he has, he instead aims to trivialize the goals in the first place.
When you’re an addict there’s no such thing as “enough”
though it can seem that way from the outside, when people quit it’s not because they wanted to leave their substance behind, or stopped loving it because it was hurting them and everyone around them.
When you’re an addict it’s not possible to not like your DOC, even if you hate it, and want to hate it.
You gotta be honest with yourself and own up to the fact yes, you do want it, yes, you are an addict. But that’s just the first step of understanding who you are and how you can help yourself.
And the goal isn’t trivial like i said, it is the most crucial thing anyone will ever do who is in recovery. Even if they don’t get the hang of it right away- not many people do.
Finding the ability to be clean entails a huge psychological overhaul. It takes time.
Last time you enlisted in my help, i did help you.
Here's the meat of it.
But you need to start talking about this shit man. Ideally with someone who is willing to help make a difference.
And here's the garnish.
Ideally, people who are experienced
Based on your first paragraph that basically was like a resume no one asked for, do you list yourself as "experienced" here?
you have the EQ of a toddler and support ability to help him, and you are also a junkie with zero self control and ability to manage her addiction so you will only be an obstacle for him, possibly making him relapse. if you want him to succeed stay way from him
So... if I'm to tell what's going on based on what I see in front of me...
Has Blanc been being all passive aggressive and snippy over this from Tryp not choosing to accept her help?
Fae will be very helpful. Try to spend more time with her if you can.
I'm sorry, come again?
dumb idea indeed. Fae is a covert narcissist who prefers people doing bad and being in trouble (inmates, alcoholics) because it makes her feel in control of them and superior (look at this troubled loser piece of shit, i am so kind for helping him and giving him a chance), and also so she can feel needed. She will not like him doing better because that might mean hes more independent and more likely to not need her support. She might sabotage his progress just so he can rely on her for emotional support and to get her moral superiority supply.
I am proud of you tryp, you will make it. My suggestion is to try to find whatever job and get out of your home environment too though, just to forget about the people around you and live on your own. You will gain a sense of pride from it (and a fear of not being able to pay rent) which will fuel you to stay sober even more.
I'm not willing to just abandon people that helped me in my worst times. Obviously I can't help them forever, I have to live life too. That's kind of where I'm at with that.
you have the EQ of a toddler and support ability to help him, and you are also a junkie with zero self control and ability to manage her addiction so you will only be an obstacle for him, possibly making him relapse. if you want him to succeed stay way from him
So... if I'm to tell what's going on based on what I see in front of me...
Has Blanc been being all passive aggressive and snippy over this from Tryp not choosing to accept her help?
Correct. She wanted to take over his recovery and control him with it (possibly to take credit for his recovery later on), and started throwing jabs at him when he refused and took upon it himself (or to prevent him from going clean because she struggles to stay clean and doesnt wanna feel inferior?).
But whats funnier is her thinking she is capable of help when she has relapsed so many times and has proved she is too weak and lacking in self control to stay sober and control her addiction, its like shes trying to project her own inability to quit and lack of self control on tryp.
I wouldnt have it the other way though. This saturday wouldnt pass without being entertained by her lack of insight into herself and stereotypical behavior. Its like shes reading off DSM-V and going thru the motions. I will project this, rationalize this, lash out at people when they dont give me what i want like a toddler, cope this, never see myself.
18:23:17
I woke up one day and hated everything I seen around me (literally). I think I have the capacity to carve out the kind of life I fetishize, but that's impossible if I'm always too drunk to laser-focus. Plus I see others I knew passing me by, and I want to crush all of them.
Uhh..I don't think you should use this thing as a motivation to change your life. Despite, anger and hatred will only bring you more of those.
There are wise ancient advices out there and one of them is not comparing your self or life with others. There is no formula for success or to live life.
I'm agreeing with TC's response. To add a bit, hatred motivates me a lot. I get results with it. Isn't the function of anger to change something? I think my emotions are working correctly.
Fae will be very helpful. Try to spend more time with her if you can.
I'm sorry, come again?
dumb idea indeed. Fae is a covert narcissist who prefers people doing bad and being in trouble (inmates, alcoholics) because it makes her feel in control of them and superior (look at this troubled loser piece of shit, i am so kind for helping him and giving him a chance), and also so she can feel needed. She will not like him doing better because that might mean hes more independent and more likely to not need her support. She might sabotage his progress just so he can rely on her for emotional support and to get her moral superiority supply.
I am proud of you tryp, you will make it. My suggestion is to try to find whatever job and get out of your home environment too though, just to forget about the people around you and live on your own. You will gain a sense of pride from it (and a fear of not being able to pay rent) which will fuel you to stay sober even more.
I'm not willing to just abandon people that helped me in my worst times. Obviously I can't help them forever, I have to live life too. That's kind of where I'm at with that.
I was going to say smthg to that effect bc I know how sincerely helpful Fae was to you in the past.
I don't have time to waste arguing with the disgusting camel fucking narc rn lol
I'm glad you recognize what a nice girl she is.
No more needs to be said.
(Except that Jimmy might just be one of the ppl you need to dump :P)
I woke up one day and hated everything I seen around me (literally). I think I have the capacity to carve out the kind of life I fetishize, but that's impossible if I'm always too drunk to laser-focus. Plus I see others I knew passing me by, and I want to crush all of them.
Uhh..I don't think you should use this thing as a motivation to change your life. Despite, anger and hatred will only bring you more of those.
There are wise ancient advices out there and one of them is not comparing your self or life with others. There is no formula for success or to live life.
I don't really see him being motivated to better his life through peace alone, let alone most people I've met. He arguably needs some sort of passion to drive him away from picking the otherwise easier choice, and anger can be used proactively as long as you don't overdo it.
He's seeing people he doesn't respect doing better than him, and that was his wake up call. If he drops this dislike, the passion's liable to go with it and therefor the drugs are more likely to come back.
Frankly, if the passion proves to be healthier than the substance, why not try that for a while? Maybe he can dial it back once he's escaped the hole he's otherwise found himself habitually digging into.What happens when he succeeds at staying clean but he's still a loser at life? It's a one way ticket back to substance abuse. You have to do it for yourself, not to prove something.
Jeez man, I'm an alcoholic, not a 16 year old. I have self-awareness of my flaws.
