Sociopath Community

natasha87 said: 

Blanc said: 

My trauma isn’t fake, nor my ptsd diagnosis. I don’t understand why you think it is

i don’t see myself or my life as a failure either. You have a really strange perspective on things. 

https://fakeboitherottengirl.tumblr.com/post/189809542086 

 cos u have been exposed lying about it so many times now it's just ridiculous. trip confirmed u lied about ur dad breaking ur hand with a hammer, u have shown so many inconsistencies especially with ur fake kidnapping stories. the jig is up boo

 Was tryp there in my childhood? He tries to say that’s not true when it is. He went through a phase where he was saying everything negative/against me that he could if the topic came up, like trash talking and stuff but 

I can’t do anything about the fact that the things he says about me aren’t true. 

the Walmart parking lot thing isn’t true either, he completely made that up. 

All I did was make a comment about how he walked one foot in front of me all the time (jokingly) which he didn’t understand I just was casually talking about how it was funny or odd/ eccentric and I told him it’s fine but it’s just really weird 

Eberuwhere we went he walked 1 foot in front of me, it was very bizarre IMO 

But yeah he uh, somehow he made a big deal about that and as it’s been passed around and around the gossip wheel it’s slowly gotten more and more out of hand. Started with “what are you scared of a Walmart parking lot?” To, putting my words in my mouth that I didn’t say, and saying now that I’m claiming to have trauma surrounding it or related to parking lots. 

none of this is true, I never said those things and I have zero trauma involving parking lots nor am I worried about them. 

I just wanted tryp to walk by my side not in front of me like a body guard. 

and lastly... I was speculating at one time briefly a long time ago about a time in my life that didn’t make sense where I was living in a home for children, this is the wording my mom used to explain it to me where I was- but there were no other children there in my memory despite her saying that there were many others. I have clear distinct memories of it and there was no one. 

So the lies led me to speculate what was she covering up but now I’ve realized that was the same time I my father was going through a very serious law suit and perhaps I was sent away by the government for a time for whatever reason. That happens sometimes in court cases? I don’t know. 

butyeah that’s the theory I’m going with now as the reason I was “sent away” either that or I’m a foster kid/adopted something along those lines but. 

she also lied about how I got there and who picked me up and claims to have zero way to contact the person who took care of me during this time and the whole thing just seems odd from the number of lies surrounding it contrasting my memories + who just sends their kid off to the fucking mountains for years? I don’t know. 

the whole picture is sketch and unclear and idk what really went on or why I was there which is why I did speculate at one time maybe I was kidnapped lmfao 

but idk! 

Cain said: 

When I picture a traumatic dream blanc's perspective, it's something like...

"sorry we are out of Carmel for you Starbucks Carmel mucho mocha frappe" 

*TRAUMATIC DREAM* 

 I don't understand why certain people insist on saying I do not have valid trauma 

but hey, if that's your thing I mean. *shrugs* 

I went through a hard time in early life, and my later life is not as bad now. I think? 

So, because of that, people look at how things are now and assume they were always this fine maybe? 

But yeah, I mean. 

I didn't even understand at the time, like as a kid that getting hit by your parents wasn't normal. Like I genuinely thought that everyone went home to get beat if they got a zero or things like that or if someone was mad like, I was just so used to that level of toxic in an environment, that to me, that was "okay." 

It wasn't until a therapist told me otherwise that I was like oh... and,... I guess I knew in the back of my mind maybe that it was a bit unfair, but I just thought it was this unsaid thing or maybe that's how I dealt with it was by "convincing" myself of that (a form of denial to cope?) believing that, everyone got hit but no one talked about it at school because it was technically illegal? 

I don't know lol. But yeah, I didn't really realize how much it had affected me or that it was even anything bad, or wrong until my therapist told me I didn't deserve it. And all these tears just came out (I never normally cried, especially around people, and about things like, getting hit or, whatever mistreated- I would just dissociate from it and be like :) everything is fine... la la la.. and go to my room like nothing happened and play on Tumblr and shit) 

But yeah when she told me that, it just hit me all at once like a wall and a lot of emotion without labels, from "trauma" that I hadn't yet, had a distinct visual on? There was feeling you know, I guess, buried there about all of that. And I just came undone.

It sounds really cheesy and a lot like a script from good will hunting but I swear to god, that actually happened. I swear to god on my life.

But yeah anyways, I've just been put through the fuckign ringer with PTSD and it's cathartic for me to talk about it. 

I don't expect people to understand, in fact I didn't think anyone would when I started talking about it I'm going to be honest. But, deep down I think that's what I wanted was for someone out there to understand. Even just convincing yourself of that is somehow, like I said cathartic. Even if there genuinely is no one that you're even talking to. 

And for the millionth time, I don't think that I'm the only one with trauma, or that mine is worse, or I'm the only one that has been through hard things. This is just how I deal with mine. And, the experiences I've had with PTSD, have been mine as well- 

and, PTSD and trauma is extremely subjective, so, what may send one person over the fucking edge, may not affect another person at all. Someone may carry 12 years of severe trauma very well, and others, may just have one bad trauma that was very brief- and it plagues them to the point of suicide. 

That's to do with the "science" side of things, to do with neuropsychology and even the physiology of the individual. 

It's not weak, or strong- either, it's, to do with processes much more complicated than that and, it's just not that black and white. How PTSD works. 

But I hope we can all come to understand that, my symptoms are valid, how I cope with it is valid. 

A lot of this is part of processing for me. But it's more than that as well. It's a lot of things... as far as why I talk about it. But yeah. 

Hope all of that made sense and, you know, it is what it is like, I can't control if you want to have a negative opinion of me or claim that my trauma / ptsd isn't real? But, hey, there's nothing I can do about that you know?

At a certain point I have to just stop responding to it I guess because, I get so many of these comments and, you know, I have to explain myself at length every time trying to bring clarity to the issue but. You know, it just never stops. It never stops. 

So. I apologize if, I seem to of stopped responding to certain comments along these lines, that are just negative, judgemental, distorted rumor mill gossip, etc. I just, at a certain point, how many times can I repeat myself about this same issue. 

So yeah, I think you know- I think I'm done here. With responding to such, commentary. For now anyway. 

It's kind of getting off track from the topic anyways, which was dreams about trauma. 

Shut up. 

I'm not reading that... you pushover, whiney, cunt.

Okay so now you’re using random insults to override your discomfort with the situation. 

Hey, no worries. We can all just move on, I’d say it’s best

I'm starting to wonder myself, why is your life so depressing. Is it really all that bad

FOTS said: 

I'm starting to wonder myself, why is your life so depressing. Is it really all that bad

 I’ve talked about this before, you weren’t here. In public chat maybe (I can’t remember). 

That yes, I fully recognize there’s very little reasons for me to *be* depressed. 

But this is confusing MDD with circumstantial depression. So, sometimes clinical major depression happens and the why isn’t important (my therapist told me this stuff) and it’s not, always known the cause- sometimes focusing on the why can actually just prolong the suffering and you may get no where with it. 

The process of treating MDD isn’t getting to the route cause- and DING it’s cured. It’s a disorder that involves, thoughts, behaviors, patterns, chemicals in the brain- even your physiology at the metabolic level- and possibly many more factors. 

Nonetheless, it is complicated- and the treatment process requires a doctor but- yeah, in this instance my diagnosis of MDD is (to me) very obvious it’s clinical.

So with meds and treatment (DBT therapy and otherwise) I do pretty well now than I used to in the past when I was untreated and at my worst. 

But my depression isn’t circumanstantial in that it’s not anyone’s fault or has some root cause- it’s more of just something that could even be genetic, and can happen to anyone at any random age. 

And also, I’m not depressed all the time. I mean, I can function and stuff now better than I used to. 

But it’s compartmentalized so sometimes I have negative thoughts that aren’t really “mine” but more a result of depression, and that can happen through out a day- or not at all. 

And then I use those thoughts and feelings usually in song material because that’s how I cope with it, it’s something I learned to do from a young young age so it’s not only a habit but- i feel like I might *explode* if I *don’t* have a guitar or piano to “get it out” on. I’m very used to keeping it inside, quiet, and then dealing with it that way but- 

of course it did get to a point where, it was beyond what I could cope with and that’s when I had to start taking meds. 

But yeah now that I’m on the meds, I’m doing a lot better I just will have a bad day here and there maybe. 

But not consistently depressed 24/7, (how I was before I started the meds at my worst point). 

Hope that made sense lol 

I don't feel like reading all that

Is it relevant to my question 

FOTS said: 

Is it relevant to my question 

Blanc said: 

FOTS said: 

I'm starting to wonder myself, why is your life so depressing. Is it really all that bad

> yes, I fully recognize there’s very little reasons for me to *be* depressed. But this is (you) confusing MajorDepressiveDisorder with Circumstantial Depression.

> my depression isn’t circumstantial in that it’s not anyone’s fault or has some root cause- it’s more of just something that could even be genetic, and can happen to anyone at any random age. 

The rest is mostly elaboration. 

Turncoat said: 

FOTS said: 

Is it relevant to my question 

Blanc said: 

FOTS said: 

I'm starting to wonder myself, why is your life so depressing. Is it really all that bad

> yes, I fully recognize there’s very little reasons for me to *be* depressed. But this is (you) confusing MajorDepressiveDisorder with Circumstantial Depression.

> my depression isn’t circumstantial in that it’s not anyone’s fault or has some root cause- it’s more of just something that could even be genetic, and can happen to anyone at any random age. 

The rest is mostly elaboration. 

 Oh so she has MDD, that's a simple explanation 

Can you read all of her posts for me and pick out the relevant sentences