Sociopath Community

Blanc said: 

i've been waiting for a really long time for "blacked out" trauma's to appear to me. 

Oh boy...

If you try at this too hard you'll instead fulfill your wishes with fantasies. It's how we had an outbreak of therapists claiming their child patients were abused back in the late 90s to early 00s. 

Also what signs of trauma are you going on about? In some tests I technically reflect that as well, with said abuse itself not being the why. 

You should try to muscle your way through the MMPI. 

what is trauma like?

is it escapable?

does it plague your thoughts randomly throughout the day?

FOTS said: 

is it escapable?

That's... a matter of interpretation. 

I'd give it a really loud "kinda". 

Turncoat said: 

FOTS said: 

is it escapable?

That's... a matter of interpretation. 

I'd give it a really loud "kinda". 

 ya but u dont have trauma so how would u know

FOTS said: 

Turncoat said: 

FOTS said: 

is it escapable?

That's... a matter of interpretation. 

I'd give it a really loud "kinda". 

 ya but u dont have trauma so how would u know

Technically I do (or did?), but thanks for the compliment. 

Turncoat said: 

Blanc said: 

i've been waiting for a really long time for "blacked out" trauma's to appear to me. 

Oh boy...

If you try at this too hard you'll instead fulfill your wishes with fantasies. It's how we had an outbreak of therapists claiming their child patients were abused back in the late 90s to early 00s. 

there are blacked out memories that have come back to me, and then some that have not. the only reason i know about them is because other people know about them, and have told me. but i just have no ability to access it, no matter how hard i've tried. 

for a while it was like i forgot a lot of who i was or what happened in my developmental years all together. as if there was a wall between, ages 1-18. Then the years 18-21 were also walled off in their own separate way. 

And then in those years there were "blacked out" significant events. As the significant events started to come back to me in the form of flashbacks when I was 22+, I started piecing it together. And although that also made the negative symptoms of PTSD appear, it gave me back an understanding of who I was during all those years, and memory of my life, what I was like. 

Previously I felt as if I had no personality or identity, because so much of myself was missing from my conscious. It was blocked off.

But anyway, it was a slow process of remembering, and everything coming to fruition- 

and it's sort of like it was working backwards from most recent, and then going down the line. 

And it's stopped at middle school I suppose. So middle school backwards is still, yet to be uncovered for me. Although it is starting to come back. 

There is a significant blacked out memory when I was 10 that I am not able to see yet. 

And then backwards from there, 10-0, just, fragments of memories that I don't really understand. 

And strange hints from dreams of course. 

- 

When you have trauma and you are still dissociated from it, you will see old pictures of yourself and think, "who is that person." 

And you may look in the mirror currently, and not recognize yourself. The sensation is so odd you stop looking all together. I was like this for years, at the ages of 19-22. 

If I can look at an old photo of myself and remember, who I was at that time and it clicks for you- you can be taken back to that moment and it resonates, you associate with memories and thought processes you had, and you remember being that person- that means that this time period of trauma has been finalized or processed, and you're doing better in that area. Through the help of therapy, A.R.T/EMDR therapy, etc. The healing just takes time. 

But, if the person is unrecognizable, you don't remember the time or place, and you feel as if you don't even remember being the person you see in the photo, that area is still in the dark and yet to be uncovered but, you will work to get there eventually. 

my therapist explained it to me, that the memory works like a net or a network however you like to think of it. and when you have these "major" black outs, or significant traumas- when they go "out", it takes out the surrounding portion of the net with it. 

so that is why some time periods are going to feel a lot more lost and other time period will feel more clear. 

- 

TLDR: My memory and sense of identity is shit, thanks to trauma. But it gets better as you process the traumas themselves, and that's why it's important to try and process what you can recall. 

- 

My theory with the trauma, or what I have noticed in my personal experience is- if your mind is showing you something, it's time to process it. Don't put it on the back burner and let it be forgotten. It's your chance to heal. 

There are negative symptoms of PTSD that occur in people's daily lives because of this diagnosis, and I believe one of the ways to reduce the occurance or the severity of these symptoms is to process the trauma. 

However, the teacher (trauma) only appears when the student (patient) is ready. 

Just what I've noticed in my own personal experience. 

FOTS said: 

what is trauma like?

is it escapable?

does it plague your thoughts randomly throughout the day?

 the movie arrival does a great job 

unfortunately I'd have to go and watch it, record the portion of the movie that is portraying what I'm talking about. 

But it's one of the most accurate portrayals of PTSD I've seen in film. 

another movie that touches on it, is the movie "Room" 

which, I would be spoiling the movie if I talked about but, it's more of an onlookers perspective what someone with PTSD looks like to other people more so than showing the internal experience but. Very accurate and raw- while still remaining completely realistic, and not dramatizing or "hollywooding" it up in anyway. 

It's hard to go into full depth of what trauma is like, I would love to make a short film about it honestly because there just aren't many done on PTSD. But if you read about the symptoms of PTSD online, I suppose that could give you a vague understanding. 

It would take a long time for me to give you the full picture with words, but, movies are easier and immerse you in the experience/give you a fuller understanding in my opinion. Is why I always go straight to film examples. 

It is difficult to escape and that's why many turn to drugs and alcohol. 

And it can plague your thoughts, or it can plague you symptomatically as well. 

I’m taking the MMPI and I’ll post results here when I’m done