Epiphanies about life: there is no meaning in any of it, no winning no loosing, no cohesive nature to it. I feel trapped within the confines of an individualistic society- and I hope that one day we will break free from the mold of constant self focus and at that- capitalism as a whole. However, I truly believe that is not going to be the nature of the future.
It seems most people in life are preoccupied with selfish gains, and in that we have created a complex network where we feed off of each other in various ways. Every relationship there is a clear depiction of why these people choose to associate with each other.
In my personal opinion, people are no different than animals- most of us operating on an almost subconscious gear majority of the time. I am painfully awake and thus I deal with life in different ways. I don't have any concern for belonging, love, or success. I used to create my own perrogatives in life as a method to keep me going, and distracted.
But the truth is, I don't give a shit about majority of the things I do. People like to define life, give it meaning, purpose, and state what they believe it's "all about" but I honestly don't believe it is about anything.
Recklessness became a symptom of this view point, and my parents said I would end up in juvenile detention. Instead I ended up in foster care.
Because of the way the world is organized, into family's and cliques, with societal rules and understandings etc.- if you put everything in the right perspective it quickly begins to look a bit like a chess game. You can have whatever you want if you just make the right moves.
I thought this theory was obsurd but I put it to the test, and it works. You think I would be satisfied having 'figured it out' but the truth is I'm only disappointed. Because now it's all become so easy. The thrill of life has been missing from me for years.
I am no longer able to get lost in life, or to live genuinely. My fragmented and false personalities (roles I play) are only representative projections of what I want most in life, and at that are the only representations of my truest inner most self that have ever surfaced- fairly cryptic.
As a teenager, I recognized my ability to manipulate and "act" and did so however I pleased.
I have learned to be more discreet, convoluted, and convincing over the years irl, however I have stopped participating in this methodology so to speak, because of unexpected emergent properties.
I learned the true meaning of "expect the unexpected", the hard way.
blanc stated: source post
I learned the true meaning of "expect the unexpected", the hard way.
..lol...it is a chess game.... ;) only better!
Turncoat stated: source post
Where do you think that energy and drive come from?
Curious about Eddie's answer to that one...
Freyja stated: source post
You should write for a living.
Yeah, Pach is awesome XD Always has something to cheer you up with.
Turncoat stated: source post
Where do you think that energy and drive come from?
What do you mean? From within you. The mind and the body.
If your dom ordered you to do something, gave you chores, etc, you'd comply, or at least you'd want to be MADE to comply. Why? I am trying to speak your language here. Maybe part of your fascination with power and domination over you has something to do with your craving for motivation. Being forced to do what you otherwise wouldn't on your own. Being ordered around and told what to do or else is what some people need, and so much simpler than taking the steering wheel themselves. It is sad though when the ship is their own life.