Sociopath Community

Freyja stated: source post

Do you feel that this is something you've suffered with your whole life, like an inherent part of you, rather than something with a sudden onset in your teens? If so, it may well point to a personality disorder. 

The OCD and insomnia was always there, but the rest was mostly some negative symptoms at the start. A gradual decline around the fourth grade was where things started, but the displays weren't as obvious until the stress that followed when I first changed schools. That stuff was comparatively mild when held next to what college did to me however. 
 

Yeah, that's natural, but just be aware that these psychiatric terms were constructed artificially by human beings, they're not as exact or accurate as a diagnosis of physical health. It's not like somebody has X-rayed your brain and said 'you are an X so you will behave like an X'.

It still establishes a basis of commonality. 
 

I can't get to the acceptance step if I don't deal with how much it sucks. 

Grief is a first step, but wallowing in grief is counterproductive to anything.

Rome wasn't built in a day, and what, am I just supposed to give up on trying to accept it, or worse, stop worrying about it? 

As unhealthy as worry might seem, it's the primary force that keeps me grounded. The less I worry, the weirder I become before giving myself more reasons to worry down the line. Being around company that accepts this about me lets me lower my worry significantly more, but I can't have it be completely gone or even they won't stay around. 

A lot of my coping comes from established comforts. Get rid of one of those and things start to fall apart (like times where my computer broke). 

But they didn't treat me badly, I treated me badly, and I wanted answers as much as they did in spite of my odd behaviors that were surfacing at the time. 

It sounds to me like you have a low tolerance. They tried to work with me but at most I was the unruly one, and they managed from within that without breaching anything. They never even did something as simple as making physical contact. 

I'm having such trouble understanding your thinking here - it's like something from another world or another time. I'm tempted to not bother with this convo anymore cos I don't know if you're capable of explaining yourself well enough that I can understand you and you seem so rigid in your thinking that i'm not sure you're giving any consideration to what i'm saying. 

I mean... what the actual fuck?! You're either very deeply in denial, or, like I suspected to begin with, so attached to your special snowflake diagnosis that you're proud of this experience so that you can revel in the status of being 'different'. 

You didn't say why you've never sought a different opinion and aren't open to questioning this diagnosis in the slightest, but i suspect the reason is because you're terrified of being told that there's actually not that much wrong with you and you need to man up so to speak and get on with life. 

I was told that that was required for success. The old threat when I was young about getting good grades was always stuff like: 
"Do you want to work at McDonalds? Do you want to work at Walmart for the rest of your life? No? Then get a degree." 

Do you always just do what you're told? And did you really not anticipate that going to college would involve, you know, roommates? Sounds like you were brought up quite sheltered and controlled. 
 

When I'm there beyond a certain stretch of time I'm usually stuck playing the role of therapist for their problems. 

Are you kidding me? Do you know how many kids are on meds these days? A lot of them didn't even need anything, but their parents were all "My child can't get straight A's and do his/her five extracurriculars, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM/HER!?". California had a higher amount of this kind of thing from either performance obsession or negligence, but as I grew older and traveled to more states I saw that it wasn't exclusive to there, not in the slightest. 

Mental illness is more common than you're likely thinking it is (around one in five I think the stat is?). People like that are drawn to me from who I am (and vice versa), but that isn't some small niche group of oddities, it's a lot of people. 

Whaaaaat? so your parents use you as a therapist, you've been basically encouraged your whole life to be self-centred and think about things on psychological terms and look for what is different about yourself rather than what is the same. You've no doubt been pushed to bring out your 'individuality' your whole life (and I can't imagine the theatre school did you a whole load of good here). And you're seriously wondering why you developed 'mental problems' XD 

I try to be open-minded about other cultures and ways of living, and i'm sure your parents are well-meaning people who wanted the best for you, but i can't see a whole load of good in such individualism and naval-gazing. 

...this isn't even the same thing and you know it. 

I'm not trying to be facetious, I just still can't get at your reasoning for rejecting therapy so emphatically. 

I think theater, psych, and meeting other mentally ill people across my life both as peers and family might have given me more perspective. 

i'd argue that was part of the problem in the first place...

What you said in the rest of that segment (which is v long to quote) sounds to me even more like a personality disorder than schizophrenia. But at this point so much of your sense of self is tied up in the 'schizophrenic' label that you clearly aren't open to it being anything else. 

...is that what you think all schizophrenics are like, all the time? Jeez, no wonder you're confused about me, you assume schizophrenia is only as it's displayed in Cinema. 

Stuff that's that extreme tends to happen during psychotic episodes, and the nature of how they think can strongly affect what directions it's taken. Honestly though, you're more likely to find a person who'd vigorously scrub their skin to the point of redness and bleeding while using scalding hot water as opposed toself-immolation. 

Do you think i got these examples off the tv? jaysus, i'm only talking about people i knew, we haven't even got into the realms of urban legends... Anyway, you're entirely missing the point, probably deliberately so it's not worth explaining again. I'm beginning to think you've never actually been around a seriously mentally ill person in your life, just spoilt rich kids with 'like, omg, issues'.

It was a stressful environment, but I should've been stronger than that. Different people respond to stress in different ways, but mine has me lose the reigns on reality and risk making a fucking spectacle out of myself. I need to keep focusing on being strong enough to not burst the dam. 

Yeah, that sucks, but lots of people are like that, it's not symptomatic of mental illness per se. And the thing with papier mache, good lord... You seem to think that every feature of your personality, every 'weakness', every quirk or eccentricity is a feature of mental illness. This whole personality you've constructed for yourself is clearly so tied up in the 'schizophrenic' label that you don't have a clue who you are outside of that. Which is extremely sad.

Honestly, there is not a lot that you're describing here that's too far out of the range of regular human experience. Maybe you think that everything outside of a very narrow definition of 'normal' should be categorised and defined, but then in that scenario surely the 'normal' ones would be the freaks? 

I'm no doctor, but I think there is a lot rooted in your upbringing here. Probably nothing that couldn't be solved by winding the clock back 20 or so years and getting your mother to give you a clip round the ear and tell you you're not the Messiah just a naughty boy. 

Rome wasn't built in a day, and what, am I just supposed to give up on trying to accept it, or worse, stop worrying about it? 

duh worrying about insomnia makes you never go to sleep same can be applied

As unhealthy as worry might seem, it's the primary force that keeps me grounded. The less I worry, the weirder I become before giving myself more reasons to worry down the line. Being around company that accepts this about me lets me lower my worry significantly more, but I can't have it be completely gone or even they won't stay around. 

give us an example

A lot of my coping comes from established comforts. Get rid of one of those and things start to fall apart

dont use your computer for a month when it isnt broke. youd be amazed how easy it is.

You gave advice to me <3

Edit: Theater was actually the main thing that helped me the more I think about it. It gave me a sense of structure, of strictness, it lowered my sensitivity somewhat, it got me over my stutter, it gave me a means of understanding people (and somewhat myself), and it taught me how to not display my weaknesses in favor of "The Show Must Go On". Without my history of theater I'd be a lot worse off. That mixed with the confidence and strictness from gymnastics and martial arts training gave me less reasons to be afraid of my peers, and from that less of a foundation to respond as strongly to fear when I instead can try to punish myself past it and rehearse some behaviors until they become more normal. 

do you know of any hobbies (like becoming an mma fighter) that will help you ground yourself

It was a stressful environment, but I should've been stronger than that. Different people respond to stress in different ways, but mine has me lose the reigns on reality and risk making a fucking spectacle out of myself. I need to keep focusing on being strong enough to not burst the damn dam. 

you're already weird enough i.e. a spectacle of yourself

Freyja stated: source post

I'm having such trouble understanding your thinking here - it's like something from another world or another time. I'm tempted to not bother with this convo anymore cos I don't know if you're capable of explaining yourself well enough that I can understand you

Seems about right. As such, I'll save time and skip over answering your assumptive repetition. 
 

Do you always just do what you're told?

I had no reason to doubt what they were telling me at the time, and I didn't want to work in a McDonalds or Walmart with shitty circumstances and shitty pay. 
 

And did you really not anticipate that going to college would involve, you know, roommates?

I'd never had a roommate until college and thought it'd be fine. I'm fine with significant others and (for a while anyway) close friends, but someone who chooses to remain a complete stranger is another story. It makes being in my own safety space feel like it's the same as being outside of it. 

#onlychildproblems
 

Sounds like you were brought up quite sheltered and controlled. 

I don't agree with the sheltered portion (naturally), but control? Control is everything. 
 

Whaaaaat? so your parents use you as a therapist, you've been basically encouraged your whole life to be self-centred and think about things on psychological terms and look for what is different about yourself rather than what is the same.

...I expressed earlier my findings of similarity alongside how much time it took to bump into one that wasn't family. 

Seriously, read before jumping to conclusions, unless this is you expressing that it's more of a retention issue. 
 

You've no doubt been pushed to bring out your 'individuality' your whole life (and I can't imagine the theatre school did you a whole load of good here). And you're seriously wondering why you developed 'mental problems' XD 

...yeah forget this, I figured you were just fishing before, but stuff like this makes it too obvious to play along regardless of it. 
 

I'm not trying to be facetious,

I know, you're concern trolling for more dirt. 

That's fine, I do it too, but you could at least try to disguise it better. 
 

I just still can't get at your reasoning for rejecting therapy so emphatically. 

Then you aren't reading what I've been typing for pages and are subsequently wasting my time through continuing this. 

...knowing me though I'll still respond even after this post. 
 

What you said in the rest of that segment (which is v long to quote) sounds to me even more like a personality disorder than schizophrenia. But at this point so much of your sense of self is tied up in the 'schizophrenic' label that you clearly aren't open to it being anything else. 

You seem to be the one more tied up in doubting that it is that than I am in saying that it is. It's like you can't understand that a schizophrenic isn't always someone who burns themselves alive or stabs family members 30 times. 

MissC even posted a "myths about schizophrenia" link not too far back. You'd likely benefit from reading up on it instead of thinking that life is identical to how it appears in the movies. 
 

Do you think i got these examples off the tv? jaysus, i'm only talking about people i knew, we haven't even got into the realms of urban legends... Anyway, you're entirely missing the point, probably deliberately so it's not worth explaining again. I'm beginning to think you've never actually been around a seriously mentally ill person in your life, just spoilt rich kids with 'like, omg, issues'.

Dat gaslight attempt. 

Your entire approach has been to doubt nearly everything, even stuff with objective basis. You can't seriously now be doubting all of their diagnosis, even the ones from public schools? Next you'll tell me that I imagined their med regiments. 
 

Yeah, that sucks, but lots of people are like that, it's not symptomatic of mental illness per se. And the thing with papier mache, good lord... You seem to think that every feature of your personality, every 'weakness', every quirk or eccentricity is a feature of mental illness. This whole personality you've constructed for yourself is clearly so tied up in the 'schizophrenic' label that you don't have a clue who you are outside of that. Which is extremely sad.

If you're not going to take this seriously anymore, then I'm going to move onto people who are actually capable of reading and retaining a proper message. It's somewhat frustrating to try to get you to see beyond this rigid view you've built around this conversation, that schizophrenia must be impossible despite the similarities to other subjects, the therapy, the tests, the genetic links, the symptoms themselves... 

Go figure that I'd be talking a lot about schizophrenia and how it's tied into my identity here, it's the subject being discussed. If we were talking about video games or gender blending you'd probably say that that must be the core of my constructed identity too. 
 

Honestly, there is not a lot that you're describing here that's too far out of the range of regular human experience. Maybe you think that everything outside of a very narrow definition of 'normal' should be categorised and defined, but then in that scenario surely the 'normal' ones would be the freaks? 

I'm no doctor, but I think there is a lot rooted in your upbringing here. Probably nothing that couldn't be solved by winding the clock back 20 or so years and getting your mother to give you a clip round the ear and tell you you're not the Messiah just a naughty boy. 

It's clear that you're too set in your ways, that you need to underplay what's going on until it's too late. If you actually saw it you might believe me, but even then you'd probably just continue to produce a myriad of new yet flimsy reasons as to why it cannot be the case while sneak-dissing all the while. Yeah, it must not be real until I'm burning myself, you make sooooo much sense Frey. 

If people only waited until the most extreme symptoms surface, nothing would ever be treated. 

I know, you're concern trolling for more dirt. 

That's fine, I do it too, but you could at least try to disguise it better. 

Dat gaslight attempt. 

FFS your prejudice is ridiculous. Freyja can come across as harsh but she's never ill intended.  I know her pretty well.

You ALWAYS mistake people who genuinely criticize you for "trolling". (Probably including this post) It's like you're never wrong.

WW3 stated: source post

Rome wasn't built in a day, and what, am I just supposed to give up on trying to accept it, or worse, stop worrying about it? 

duh worrying about insomnia makes you never go to sleep same can be applied

It'd be nice if it worked like that for everything, but I need worry to have caution. 
 

give us an example

...again? 
 

dont use your computer for a month when it isnt broke. youd be amazed how easy it is.

I've tried, and pathetically I end up wigging out as time passes. I can ween myself away from it somewhat, use it less often, but cold turkey hasn't worked so far with multiple attempts. 
 

WW3 stated: source post

do you know of any hobbies (like becoming an mma fighter) that will help you ground yourself

Why'd you pick that example? 
 

you're already weird enough i.e. a spectacle of yourself

It gets worse, trust me.  
 

WW3 stated: source post

I know, you're concern trolling for more dirt. 

That's fine, I do it too, but you could at least try to disguise it better. 

Dat gaslight attempt. 

FFS your prejudice is ridiculous. Freyja can come across as harsh but she's never ill intended.  I know her pretty well.

How well? I was going with this being another one of your "take the side that will stir more drama" games. 
 

You ALWAYS mistake people who genuinely criticize you for "trolling". (Probably including this post) It's like you're never wrong.

Always, or always with Freyja? 

Always, or always with Freyja? 

and myself. With the likes of Xena or Mee you make some other excuse like "they're delusional and kinda crazy"

Why'd you pick that example? 

its physically engaging and you'll be worrying about dodging and hitting rather than schizophrenia

I've tried, and pathetically I end up wigging out as time passes. I can ween myself away from it somewhat, use it less often, but cold turkey hasn't worked so far with multiple attempts. 

i think this is just because you dont have confidence. with stuff like this if you think you can do it then you can do it

Freyja, Xena, Mee, and yourself. Quite the, err, list you've posed there. 
Edit: Wait... I never said Mee was trolling, did I? 

I'd need something (or multiple somethings) to replace a computer that accomplishes everything that it does for me. It's a crutch, but one I see as necessary.