I guess... It can change depending on my life context. It means if I am tempted. It does depend though because I can be hard to tempt.
Turncoat stated: source post
Edvard stated: source post
Crow on the fence [Turncoat]
[Seeing as two people have done Edvard already, I've decided to have it spoken from the perspective of Ed's subconscious]
I'm two people, but I only see the side of myself that I want to see. People denying my primary self, claiming that I am this "other me" is gravely insulting towards my pride, and those times that contradict the real me, who I really am, either are in the past, never happened, or I've justified as my having been emotional. When I am triggered, I am blinded to many things despite my insistence to myself that I'm a great detective. Once the anger is lifted I am my real self again, the self I wish people would solely see the same way that I solely see it. I am kind, honorable, and fair, despite other's claims of my sexism and hypocrisy, but cross me and the gloves come off, and once the gloves are off, so is my head. Behind the gloves are an arsenal of collected information and the willingness to threaten it's use, and when I feel betrayed I am capable of anything, as at that point it's no longer me steering, but my pride. My real self has friends here, but my pride only knows enemies.
I'll never say sorry, and why should I? This is Sociopath Community, it comes with the territory, and those before you took it with strength. I like to rip people a new one and challenge them to live up to my standard, to back up their bluffs, to not have their tail between their legs and be a chicken. However, if I were to encounter my match I'd never give him a moment's rest. I hate that which I see out of others that reflect the aspects of myself that I am sensitive about because I need to be that blind to them. I cannot accept that these traits are a part of me without losing the optimism that I value so strongly. What you see as hypocrisy is actually a subconscious self loathing that I must avoid at all costs if I am to continue being the glorious Edvard. I shall forever remain a duality as long as I cannot accept this other side of myself, and the anger will only continue to mount as people reflect the traits I hate about myself, forcing me to face those truths that I'd rather leave buried.
The last person I'd ever want to meet is myself, for that person would be my greatest enemy, my greatest reminder, and hurt the most through being too relatable to accept. I enjoy a good fight, but the cuts need to not pierce too deeply, otherwise I'll black out and stop being myself.
I am not 2 men, Turncoat, I am just a man with a fair amount of flaws. Do you think I've lived for 31 years without them slapping me in the face and making me aware of them? If some became obvious to a bunch of people online, don't you think I've had them spelled out to me from people in real life plenty of times? I know among others I'm stubborn like hell, hotheaded, proud, controlling, can put pressure on people with high expectations and have a "my way or the highway" attitude, let emotions cloud my judgment, am attention-loving, dramatic and too extroverted for some people, addiction-prone, but I also know I am straightforward and not a hypocrite or a sneaky back stabber. Some people here tried to paint me as such, and I insisted on dispelling that shit, and challenged them to bring forth their arguments so that I can make a case for myself too, because I know how this place works. One thing can be said by someone either on purpose or by misunderstanding, then a few others with personal reasons to dislike the target jump on the bandwagon, and if that thing gets repeated often enough and by enough people, despite it being unfair, it becomes a label others just take for granted. I won't allow myself to be labeled things that are not me, that would suit others here so much better, especially by some of the people in question.
You are right about me turning psycho when the gloves go off. And I am not talking about this forum mumbo jumbo, this is a silly thing. I haven't truly lost control here or caused anyone any harm. There are times when my restraint flies off the window and I can surprise even myself with how far I can go when I'm determined to hurt someone. I get tunnel vision and will cross moral lines and personal boundaries. I am not proud of those moments, of kicking people while they're down or forcing hands with threats and other means, or doing collateral damage to others who don't deserve it, but in a way it's done me as much good in my line of work as it's done damage in personal relationships. Even so, most of the times I remain convinced that I had all the right reasons to "take the gloves off", even if I understand that what I did while the gloves were off was wrong/badly handled and regret it.
I do hate my flaws, as much as any man wanting to be better hates his. That's far from the self- hatred you mentioned. I had and have a good amount of people in my life who accept, respect and love or care for me deeply while knowing me for who I am, with all my good and ugly sides. Why should I hate myself then?
And you are also right about me not getting along with someone like me. We definitely clash like hell.
Empressing stated: source post
Ed can be my voice if he's up for the challenge. I admit I don't hate him I was upset. I do not tend to hate.
I am idealistic and a free spirit. I enjoy being childish and love the lack of responsibility and imagination that come with it. I am a hopeless romantic and a dreamer. I like to analyze and pay attention to people, and what makes them tick, and am very perceptive for my age. The human mind fascinates me, especially the complex human puzzles to which I am drawn. Sociopaths are among those puzzles and the strangest to me, because I myself am very empathic, caring, and a good person. I am sheltered and a lot of my universe still revolves around my parents and family life, and that makes me crave something new, crazy and adventurous… like an apocalypse, or an outrageous bad boy that would provide me challenge, keep me on my toes, take me out of my safe cocoon and make me spread my wings.
Edvard stated: source post
I am not 2 men, Turncoat, I am just a man with a fair amount of flaws. Do you think I've lived for 31 years without them slapping me in the face and making me aware of them? If some became obvious to a bunch of people online, don't you think I've had them spelled out to me from people in real life plenty of times? I know among others I'm stubborn like hell, hotheaded, proud, controlling, can put pressure on people with high expectations and have a "my way or the highway" attitude, let emotions cloud my judgment, am attention-loving, dramatic and too extroverted for some people, addiction-prone, but I also know I am straightforward and not a hypocrite or a sneaky back stabber. Some people here tried to paint me as such, and I insisted on dispelling that shit, and challenged them to bring forth their arguments so that I can make a case for myself too, because I know how this place works. One thing can be said by someone either on purpose or by misunderstanding, then a few others with personal reasons to dislike the target jump on the bandwagon, and if that thing gets repeated often enough and by enough people, despite it being unfair, it becomes a label others just take for granted. I won't allow myself to be labeled things that are not me, that would suit others here so much better, especially by some of the people in question.
You are right about me turning psycho when the gloves go off. And I am not talking about this forum mumbo jumbo, this is a silly thing. I haven't truly lost control here or caused anyone any harm. There are times when my restraint flies off the window and I can surprise even myself with how far I can go when I'm determined to hurt someone. I get tunnel vision and will cross moral lines and personal boundaries. I am not proud of those moments, of kicking people while they're down or forcing hands with threats and other means, or doing collateral damage to others who don't deserve it, but in a way it's done me as much good in my line of work as it's done damage in personal relationships. Even so, most of the times I remain convinced that I had all the right reasons to "take the gloves off", even if I understand that what I did while the gloves were off was wrong/badly handled and regret it.
I do hate my flaws, as much as any man wanting to be better hates his. That's far from the self- hatred you mentioned. I had and have a good amount of people in my life who accept, respect and love or care for me deeply while knowing me for who I am, with all my good and ugly sides. Why should I hate myself then?
And you are also right about me not getting along with someone like me. We definitely clash like hell
I like this speech, it's impressive.
Daniella stated: source post
i've done two people and no one's done me. :( since litany bitched out when i asked, i'll choose ED and MissC
I am quirky and unique with a crazy imagination. Some of you like it, some of you bitch about it, but I am who I am - a half alien from Nibiru, so fuck you. I'm not changing and I'm serious about not being serious. My stories are as true as I want them to be, and you'll never know how much that is. I like interacting with you earthlings, and especially interested in your diet. Food is relatable and fun, even alien hybrids like me eat. I am very moral because my morals transcend this Earth's, so I love this place which lacks them. I get to scrutinize you and your cute little games, rate you and even teach you a few things, if you are sharp enough to catch them. I will definitely make you laugh a little, if you are open minded enough to understand Nibiru humor that is (hint: just don't take yourselves too seriously).
A fair assessment, though not in the form that this thread is about. (Speak as though you are the person themselves, describing themselves.)
However, I've classified much of existence at this point as a perpetual "inb4" state, hovering in superposition and paradox. Just waiting now. Waiting, waiting, waiting. In the meantime, yeah... I've caught onto the joke.
(Thanks for doing it, though!) ;)