She asked me a question, then blatantly ignored the answer. Definitely not a first. Her tendency not to acknowledge or seemingly even consider responses to her own questions made me wonder if her further questioning had another motive behind it. And even if it didn't (which I recognize as a distinct possibility), I didn't see the point in talking to a brick wall. Especially about something personal. So I asked a simple question, to try to determine whether I should continue the discussion or not. She dodged that question for pages. What am I supposed to make of that? Am I supposed to ignore it and carry on a conversation with her anyways? What's the point? Other members of this forum have questioned me further about the event, and I've been completely open with them. My response to Sugar is the exception, not the rule.
what actually happened -
Sugar: meanwhile, do you still not give a fuck that TC is suicidal?
Crow: Last night was an anomaly, brought on by emotional circumstances and a lot of whiskey. I love TC. (straight answer)
Sugar: ok. where is he now? is he ok?
Crow:
Sugar: do you even feel bad about how you reacted to his state?
Crow: Would it make a difference? (unwarranted defensiveness)
Sugar: i would expect that if you do in fact love him you would publicly address what you did in an honest way
Crow: Why are we having this conversation, Sugar? (evasive)
Sugar: obviously it would help if you stated how you feel because you are the one who made the thread, not TC.
Crow: I'll answer your questions, if you answer mine, What are you trying to glean from this conversation and why? (deflection)
Sugar: i thought what i was trying to glean was obvious in my initial question, 'do you feel bad about what you posted in the thread', that's what i want to know, from you.
Crow: And why? (deflection)
Sugar: erm..because i want to know. do you feel bad?
Crow: You answering "Why do you want to know?", with "Because I want to know." is not really an answer. (deflection)
Sugar: pretty sure i asked you first so at this point you're just being evasive.
Crow: What I did to TC doesn't matter, in this context. If you really want to know, just tell me why. I'm not asking a lot here. It's not an unreasonable question to ask. I'm starting to think you're the one playing games. (projection, mirroring, deflection)
Sugar: what you did to TC is the reason i initially asked the question you are now refusing to answer.
Crow: I laid down one simple, easily fulfilled term for answering all your questions. (misdirection & deflection)
Sugar: i felt like it was more of a question with several unnecessary angles, and i only had one question that i asked before your multi-angled questions were stated as a requisite for me answering.
Crow: Your monologues are unnecessary. Answer my question or shut up. (aggression)
Sugar: i answered your initial question.
Crow: Why are you still talking Sugar? I've made it clear that you either answer or we have nothing to talk about. And yet you go on and on and on. Are you the one who's upset that I'm neither fooled nor confused by your transparent agitating? (aggression, mirroring)
Sugar: i think i'm still talking for the same reason you are. in case you missed it, i did answer your first question and even your second
Crow: You're trying to bait me into divulging more information than simply whether or not I regret this topic. (projection)
you tried a whole arsenal of manipulation techniques on me then got frustrated when they didn't work. you've demonstrated how effortless it is for you to turn something incredibly simple into a long winded battle of wills, and then try to paint yourself as a victim while clearly being the aggressor. and it seems it is the rule, because i was the only one who really focused in on how messed up it was for you to do that to TC, and now that freyja has echoed my sentiments you become hostile with her, telling her to read the thread (because disagreeing with you means a lack of understanding clearly) and then you try to dismiss me as just a troll in order to discredit my observations about your behavior. deflection is one of your favorites isn't it?
Orrr she doesn't feel like discussing personal life details with you, doesn't feel like elaborating towards someone who appears to be probing for additional info. The parenthesis portions do a good job at trying to make her out to be cornered, but without it it's closer to displaying someone who doesn't feel like yielding more information:
Crow: You're trying to bait me into divulging more information than simply whether or not I regret this topic.
Personal details tend to be personal, and she's not the only one not talking about our lives. You can see that she doesn't want to talk about it and yet you keep pushing, so go figure that it'd look like agitating:
Crow: Why are you still talking Sugar? I've made it clear that you either answer or we have nothing to talk about. And yet you go on and on and on. Are you the one who's upset that I'm neither fooled nor confused by your transparent agitating?
What are you hoping to gain from this anyway? The following answer isn't really an answer:
Sugar: erm..because i want to know.
It looks like probing. I'm not against probing, I do that sort of thing all the time, but that does rid of some of your parenthesis characteristics that you posed in the summary.
So, why do you want to know? Why does this matter at all? If you just "want to know", why are you entitled to her answering your questions to the point that her choosing not to must be "her fault"? Saying a more thorough reason for why you want to know is more likely to lead to actual conversation instead of a feeling of interrogation.
