Sociopath Community

by sideofthecoin

 

Because "empath", real love isn't when you try to make someone happy, it's when you let them see the truest form of yourself and they do the same for you and it naturally creates immense joy to share your lives together. It's a very rare thing indeed.

 That was really well expressed.

Yesterday at work I logged into my wife’s computer with a mobile VNC. I’ve done it few times before, opened up photo booth or whatever else to mess with her. I’ll admit my intentions were a little more nefarious this go round, I wanted to see what she was doing more than I wanted to play a joke. You could call it spying, but I didn’t think she was up to no good, I just wanted to see a little of what her life is like now.

She was watching porn. Cool. Hot. And better yet, porn surprisingly close to my tastes.When I got home she immediately brought up sex. This whole experience has driven her libido through the roof. I understand. I don’t need to be bothered by that fact alone. She is in her sexual prime as a woman. I suggest we pull some porn out of her browsing history. Since the ignition of her libido she’s been watching a lot of porn on a daily basis, so my suggestion isn’t strange. In fact we’ve already done the “lets watch the porn you got off to last night” thing. We’re trying to be more open.

She acted strange right off the bat, not letting me see what’s in her history, then I saw the porn I saw her watching isn’t among the ones in her history. I kept trying to get her to admit she watched more, to show me everything she watched. I actually really liked what she was watching, my plan was to watch it with her but it backfired when I tried to get her to tell me the truth. I wasn’t trying to do that to her. I told her what I saw at work and asked why the hell she’d lie about something like that. We made up, we both apologized.

We found the porn I saw her watching earlier and had hot sex. Our sex life has been unlike ever before lately. If I can keep from crying it’s amazing every time, without fail.

Before she went to sleep I went to get her computer. Her history was still up from earlier. She took the computer from me. I pleaded with her not to delete her history, that I liked it and I already saw everything anyways. She just did it anyways, right in the middle of my pleading. No discussion, no communication. I’m fragile right now. We argued about it. She said I’m crazy, that she was just embarrassed about all the pictures she looked at on  r/ladybonersgw (pictures she’d already shown me), that she’s just not ready to do the porn thing with me yet, and that I need to give her space. She went to bed being mean and weird to me. I stayed up all night.

Walked around town. Lost my mind. By morning I had concocted a plan to hang myself. I hadn’t slept. She called into work. Took care of me.

Well at work today (by then I had mostly recovered) I realized I’m a fucking pussy idiot right now and it was obvious she wasn’t just hiding porn from me when she deleted her history. “Honey, I don’t fucking care what you say, and I’m willing to let it go this time, but I know you were fucking lying about why you deleted your history. Its fucking obvious. Don’t tell me why. Whatever, but it’s fucking obvious you lied.” She started crying, said she read a bunch of old facebook messages, but only the ones from guys. “Honey, I know people usually tell petty lies all the time, even us, and it’s usually fine, but right now you can’t fucking do it AT ALL.” I told her she has no privacy starting right now, for two weeks. I said I’ll spy, steal your phone, check all your accounts. No fucking lying right now. NONE.

She’s a good woman and I don’t give two shits about the stuff she lies about, it always ends up being something stupid. But when I know she’s lying a she flips it and tells me I need to trust her, calls me crazy. I know thats not exactly a rare or particularly heinous thing to do in a relationship, its not good but its still a common defense mechanism. The problem is I’m so vulnerable right now that I actually believe her! I actually think I’m crazy and just putting her through hell. That she’d be better off without me.Why can’t she accept herself? Accept that I know she’s a fucking human that likes porn and takes trips down memory lane when shit gets heavy.

She’s so good to me and takes care of me but she’s being so thick about certain things. Stuff that bugs me most of the time but sends me off the rails right now. It’s like she doesn’t get it. I told her that if I catch her lying again in the next few weeks, no matter how small, I’ll really lose my cool; especially if she tries to flip it. It’s the second time she lied to defend herself and had me thinking about suicide and it was only like a fucking week and a half later. If she can’t learn to accept herself and accept that I love her, and stop deceiving me to try to seem “perfect,” I have no choice but to go. For a while at least. It’s dangerous right now for her to pull that stuff.In other ways its been really great for us lately. We’ve brought a whole new level of openness and honesty about our past to our relationship. Today I admitted I worried about how “hot” she was when we started dating. She was beautiful but terrible at makeup (often made herself look worse), she didn’t have much confidence, and didn’t know how be sexy or behave sensually. I just knew how much I liked her and that I didn’t want to be a shallow asshole.

And I figured if I fell in love with her she would become sexy to me. The second part didn’t need to happen because she actually ended up becoming an incredibly sexy woman. Especially the last couple of years. Its more than just the confidence and makeup skills she’s learned, she’s actually grown more beautiful with age. Over the past few years, she’s become incredibly “hot.” Which I also think had something to do with her increased libido and changing sexual ideology prior to the foursome. Confident people think about sex differently.

by Ophelia

Trolling or not, it is an interesting conversation. I married a man who is territorial and possessive, but if it were only up to me, we would have an open, albeit very transparent marriage. I could be polyamorous (I am bisexual, so this applies to men and women) without it being a problem, as long as he and I were honest, and put each other first in everything. But he could never tolerate this. He is my best friend, and we talk about (almost) everything, so I know this about him. In fact, it angers and confounds him that lust and love are so distinct and compartmentalized, in my mind. So I deal with our differences in this regard for the sake of our relationship, but I'd be lying if I said it was easy.

Do you think you'll always be this ok about your differences? Won't you get bored after a while and start to resent you husband? 

I wonder how many others with sociopathic traits share my perspective. I have never met anyone else, personally, who does, so I recognize that I'm somewhat atypical in this regard. Then again, the people with whom I regularly associate are very conservative. It would shock and dismay them to hear this about me.

 Don't you feel stifled, that you can't be yourself around people, if most people you know don't think the same as you and don't know you as you really are? I don't know if I could live like that. Not successfully, anyway.

We've been together for almost a decade. I'll always be ok with it. It is unrealistic to expect perfect compatibility in every aspect of a relationship. I accept and love my partner for who he is, so I will not resent him on this basis. We find ways that are mutually pleasurable to keep things interesting. And sure, sometimes I feel stifled around those people, but many of them are work colleagues, so it is easy to maintain a professional distance. I am used to having secrets. I rather like it. :)

Cuckold faggot

That's what you get by being a pathetic little beta ''male.''

Because she doesn't just want to swing. On further analysis, I don't think either of them is capable of that. That whole scene reads like an emotional mess.

You are playing with fire. That is why I think swinging is dumb. Rarely are people secure enough in their relationship where they can invite other lovers to join. People get hurt when there are 2 people having sex. Why expect all 4 to be mature enough to handle it?

I told her to leave. I didn’t care where.

She went to my sister’s house. I told my parents what happened. They were hurt. I went to my sisters. My wife wasn’t willing to let go of her defensiveness. The defensiveness that led me to believe I was instrumental in her rape/cheating, the defensiveness that almost killed me. But I think I drove her to it.

I told her to go to her family, four hours away. I’ll go to mine. She was on her knees begging me not to go. Leaving her there was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

She confessed to her family. She heard her uncle say she’d be out the fucking door if it were up to him.

In a way we’re back where we started, only this time I’m on a bunch of pills and we’re both more aware of our own denial. I was instrumental in what happened that night. I would even say I put on a brave face and encouraged it as it was going on. She was more than willing, she was enraptured.. didn’t need me. We have a lot to work out.

There was something wrong still. All the introspection and analysis led to so many discoveries that provided temporary relief for me and illuminated the true circumstances of our relationship, but the pain and confusion regarding the situation returned, almost with a vengeance. Our relationship was still hemorrhaging, I’d missed a wound somewhere.

Last night, it came into focus.At my request, my wife and I filmed ourselves fucking. Our new sexual openness allowed for hidden desires to be spoken and taping us in action had long been one of mine. Watching it later that night was a hell of a turn on. She’s on her back on the bed at the start of the video. I approach and drop my dick in her mouth. After a minute she flips around and gets on all fours, drops open her mouth, and lifts her eyes to me like she’s pleading for my cock. I indulge her but eventually can’t take it, wrap one arm around the back of her thighs and one around her shoulder to cradle her onto her back. I mount and start pounding.

She’s moaning and her legs begin to rise, as they always do. My hands are planted just outside her shoulders, her arms wrapped around mine with her hands grasping my biceps, her knees a touching my elbows. Its hot. I’ve always wanted to watch a video of us. I’m stroking it. Then I see it..That’s exactly how her and Harry looked fucking. A wall of legs and arms locked, glued face to face ten inches apart, and a Harry’s ass thrusting over and over. Dear god. She fucking did that. With him. Right next to me and she didn’t reach out to me first. She didn’t call for me or try to make eye contact or even care to see what I was doing. Until she fucked him, each of the evening’s escalations came either while we were in intimate contact with one another or with a shared signal of some sort.

She looked to me before taking her clothes off, I looked to her before taking off mine, she was literally in my mouth when oral with the other couple began, then she and Harry consented in a whisper and started fucking while I wasn’t even looking. And oral is not a fucking greenlight for intercourse, no fucking way. Not in our book anyways. The damage was done. Why bother stopping it? Even when I eventually did say something it wasn’t because of some sudden ideological clarity about our relationship’s ethical boundaries, it was because my heart just couldn’t take anymore. I gave up.I had to blame her, not just for the deception that came later, but for that night. My angst and confusion regarding her tempered reaction to the broken promise of our marriage had merit. Perceiving us as equally guilty for the night of the foursome was misguided. Though we both need to be responsible for our behavior, ‘not stopping it right away’ doesn’t hold a fucking candle to what my wife did. I should’ve never been put in a position to have to stop it. She hung me out to dry and got dicked by another man in the same bed.

My wife fucked Harry all goddamned night and didn’t spare a second thought for me. “I thought you guys were doing the same thing.” Bullshit. We were in the same bed. I’d ask myself why she didn’t care enough, in such an intense and scary situation like that, to look over at her husband fucking someone else but she wouldn’t’ve even needed to. It was the same bed. And its not particularly sturdy. Smacking flesh, moans, creaking frame. You couldn’t miss it even if it was pitch black, which it wasn’t.  Maybe, MAYBE, she thought something like, “This is what tonight is about, we’re both doing this.” but I doubt she thought anything. He asked if she wanted it, she said yes. She was cognizant enough to analyze how Harry’s dick felt inside of her compared to mine (“Thinner,” she said) and how his arms and body felt (“Smaller, a little more firm”), but failed to even begin to wonder what I was doing or thinking or feeling.I went straight into our bedroom with the computer and told her I had to show her something.

I clicked play and she looked at me confused. “That’s exactly what you and Harry looked like fucking. That’s what I got to watch. What I got to turn around to see. Now take yourself out and put Sally there. Make Harry’s dick soft so you’re just kind of laying there confused and I don’t even fucking notice. Later, you’re sad and scared in the dark and I still haven’t checked in on you and you hear me say to Sally, – Aw fuck, I wanna pound that little pussy so fucking hard. – And I start fucking Sally again. And I never fucking notice you. I never notice you or think about what happened with you until the next day. In fact, I thought so little about you that night that I didn’t know or care whether or not you fucked Harry.” It was about 3 A.M. and she had to work the next day so I just left the room and closed the door.After yesterday, things feel… less crazy. Still sad and emotional. But less crazy. She knows now. I know now. All the wounds are finally bandaged and I’m ready to let time start doing its work healing us.