I was there on the night in question and what you just said there is complete and utter horse shit Sir. Please excuse my french. That godamn squirrel is lying. The good deputy Mike Hunt didn't try to kill no squirrel. Those pesky squirrels have been causing me a mischief for many years. They run around this place, looking all cute and stuff and stealing all the godamn acorns and making holes in ma trees. Who do they think they are? The good old deputy, god rest his soul, was just doing his job. Going about his business like his usually does. He was a good citizen. The night in question, he was helping me clear all the mushrooms away from the fields. Then after around 30 minutes, he started going all real funny. I told him to sit down but he just kept on about how he had spent all the grocery money on a senior membership to some website called sociopathworld or something and that his good lady would be real cross. But he was a good man. A real decent sorta fella. He just jumped straight right up, said something about a low flying tesseract, then ran right off.
to park ranger
is lie everything you have said
client waht is good citizen of squirrel and is never stealing acorns because acorns is for all
is witness of character of client waht who is called rass and rass can be testifying that client waht shares acorns
sincerely squirrel attorney
to court
is have just proved that park ranger is being at fault for death of police
park ranger was calling police on client waht for no crime and is should have not
client waht is being innocent and park ranger is being guilty
sincerely squirrel attorney
to police
client waht is informing police stop being slandering of client waht or client waht will sue
sincerely squirrel attorney
to meh
is also lie
meh was biting client waht first and client waht was biting back second
client waht even was offering a leaf to meh for soaking up of blood and meh was refusing
police was witnessing of event but police is dead
therefore since client waht already was being proved always innocent meh is being the liar
however client waht offers 7 acorns in restitution for bullet holes in tree of meh caused by police when client waht was trying to hide
sincerely squirrel attorney
Your honour, members of the jury, my name is Mr Cochran, Jnr. And I am representing the state in the case of murder in the first degree.
This is my opportunity to outline the evidence as I anticipate it will be represented.
It will call two key witnesses.
The first key witness will be Park Ranger and he will testify that the defendant 'waht' did indeed murder Pc Mike Hunt in cool blood.
The second key witness will be mehsquirrel, who will testify to being attacked by waht just before the murder took place.
At the conclusion of the case, we will ask you to convict the defendant of the crime as charged, I thank you.
takes a sip of purple drank