lol where the fuck do you guys get all this stuff? jeez..
I get my info off websites that discuss psychopathy and the PCL-R (not test sites, lol).
I can't remember where I read that all psychopaths have AsPD, but it's easy enough to assume if the PCL-R really is the defining test for psychopathy. To score 30+ points on the PCL-R you would have to have some AsPD traits, and you only need three of them to have antisocial personality disorder.
"Depression is not even a possibility"
Howso? Is life just too awesome to get you down?
"nor has public humiliation ever been an issue"
And yet you say in your Computer Analogy topic: "I was tortured in school by the people around me because of my awkward tendencies and impulsive personality."
Sure you directly after say "But I was never hurt by it", but you still felt the need to bring it up in the first place. Couldn't that be rooting from something like Numbness, a trait that can manifest from depression?
Hell you even follow with "After going through that torture, I had a predisposition for indifference for people". Doesn't that suggest that it did hurt you on some level?
Edit: And then I read: "I once had a stomach ache that lasted for days (The more I tried to linguistically describe it, the more I started to think it was hallucinated.). The last day, I was in the middle of math class. I decided I didn't want to feel sick anymore. I'd had enough. I cracked a grin, obtained an almost destructive amount of confidence, and felt amazing the rest of the day."
Assuming your words have any accuracy, you sound at least like an anxiety case that might have snapped somewhere along the line. There's a lot of trying to not deal with the things around you in your words. I'm thinking that you care much more than you allow yourself to portray (maybe even believe). Your wording of "choosing what to care about" in your case sounds more like choosing what to ignore for your own mental safety.
"I lack the hostile background that would be associated with psychopathy."
If you were psychopathic, I doubt you'd have responded as you've posted, again, in the Computer Analogy topic: "I could find a way to treat those who hurt me with respect, even though, sometimes, I wanted to kill them in blood-lusted hatred."
Someone psychopathic would have likely gone about that sort of situation differently. You sound more like one who is stuck compartmentalizing to the point of blindness risk.
by Turncoat"Depression is not even a possibility"
Howso? Is life just too awesome to get you down?
"nor has public humiliation ever been an issue"
And yet you say in your Computer Analogy topic: "I was tortured in school by the people around me because of my awkward tendencies and impulsive personality."
Sure you directly after say "But I was never hurt by it", but you still felt the need to bring it up in the first place. Couldn't that be rooting from something like Numbness, a trait that can manifest from depression?
Hell you even follow with "After going through that torture, I had a predisposition for indifference for people". Doesn't that suggest that it did hurt you on some level?
Edit: And then I read: "I once had a stomach ache that lasted for days (The more I tried to linguistically describe it, the more I started to think it was hallucinated.). The last day, I was in the middle of math class. I decided I didn't want to feel sick anymore. I'd had enough. I cracked a grin, obtained an almost destructive amount of confidence, and felt amazing the rest of the day."
Assuming your words have any accuracy, you sound at least like an anxiety case that might have snapped somewhere along the line. There's a lot of trying to not deal with the things around you in your words. I'm thinking that you care much more than you allow yourself to portray (maybe even believe). Your wording of "choosing what to care about" in your case sounds more like choosing what to ignore for your own mental safety.
"I lack the hostile background that would be associated with psychopathy."
If you were psychopathic, I doubt you'd have responded as you've posted, again, in the Computer Analogy topic: "I could find a way to treat those who hurt me with respect, even though, sometimes, I wanted to kill them in blood-lusted hatred."
Someone psychopathic would have likely gone about that sort of situation differently. You sound more like one who is stuck compartmentalizing to the point of blindness risk.
Things tend to go quite well. But even when I have a downturn in life, I always seem to find a victory in it. I just never lose, no matter how much I lose, if that makes any sense.
I felt no emotional pain from the bullying. Much like in what I've just stated above, I can never seem to lose. "Torture" was just a poor term to use in that situation. Consider it getting "carried away."
Things that don't affect emotional cognition directly can still have an effect on development. It is quite possible that the bullying may have damaged affective development, or something more specific in my brain/mind, causing the psychopathic traits (Not claiming that I am psychopathic here. People can exhibit traits without BEING the traits.) to manifest, or causing the pre-requisites to activate. But it was not something I was aware of. But that doesn't really matter, seeing as how I recall a severely lacking affect in early childhood experiences as well. However, I find it interesting that you bring up compartmentalization (and by similarity, "isolation"). It is quite possible that subconsciously, somewhere, I am blocking feelings and cognitions in order for my ego to remain in-tact. But if I am, I lack the ability to control that. It is not a conscious "refusal," if it is one. Another part of me doubts this explanation as well, because I've always been able to take criticisms well enough to adapt. I can handle being wrong. In-fact, I am more than okay with being constantly wrong, as long as it means I learn.
The major factor pointing me away from psychopathy, the reason why I could, instead, see an argument for narcissism, is the fact that my self-control can seem "cowardly" in some instances. Part of me wants to think it is just smart, avoiding negative consequences. But another part of me thinks that I may have missed many opportunities due to this hesitation. I don't have the predatory instinct that a psychopath is said to have. At least, not impulsively. I can put myself into a state of mind in which I see others as nothing but toys (And I'm very good at playing with them, too.), but it is not my default state of mind.
On the subject of anxiety, I have never experienced anxiety in any extreme ways that I can remember (By the way, my memory is soooo bad, the common joke between me and my pals is that I have "The memory of a dead goldfish." I'm practically senile, sometimes. But my conceptualization, and memory of vocabulary is astounding. Compartmentalization seems like a good fit, from this perspective.). The most anxiety I've ever felt was when I was on the verge of a panic attack. It WAS self-induced, on purpose, to see if I could (To see what it was like.). But other than that, I have been through stressful situations, ones in which me and my family could've easily died (and it was expected that we WOULD die), and I didn't feel a drop of anxiety. People have described sadness to me, and I was unfamiliar. People described self-hatred (Believed to be the underlying cause of the behavior of a narcissist) and low self esteem, and I could not relate in any way. The thought of sadness was strange, and self-hatred laughable.
by ReaperFactor 1 on the PCL-R apparently contains the core personality traits of psychopathy, but it also correlates strongly with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you have a lot of NPD traits and no AsPD traits at all, then I imagine you would be considered a narcissist, rather than a psychopath because, as far as I am aware, every psychopath also has AsPD (that's not to say that everyone with AsPD also has psychopathy).
I completely agree, but with the level of Narcissism that I apparently exhibit, surely I would demonstrate, or at least elude, to the underlying causes of Narcissism. But the only way that I can be a narc, and still not elude to those issues, is if Turncoat is right about compartmentalization/isolation and its connection to my ego. In that case, I hope I always stay like this. Disordered or not, this diminished affect has been pretty helpful to me.
Officially, I have been diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome, with AD(H)D and some underlying depression. I have also been diagnosed with OCD and OCPD (not mutually exclusive, but still high chance of comorbidity with AS). Those are 'curable' with therapy and medication, according to my therapists, since they are all anxiety-based.
Schizoaffective Disorder is still in dispute.
by SystematicMyself.
Ah, okay.
by TheLeviathanMost would put me next to Systematic, with covert narcissism. However, I lack some common/fundamental traits of narcissism, strangely contradicting the implications of the "intensity" with which it apparently shows to others. Depression is not even a possibility, nor has public humiliation ever been an issue, even though a narcissist is generally very vulnerable to each of these things. What most people think of me only really applies when I want something, while, for a narcissist, it would apply at all times for emotional satisfaction.
Apparently, I score high for Factor 1 traits/ Primary psychopathy, but quite low for Factor 2 traits/secondary psychopathy (At least, in the case of secondary psychopathy, I score much lower than most noted psychopaths do).
I have fundamental characteristics of each that manifest themselves constantly, but I also have traits that contradict the fundamentals of each.
I lack the hostile background that would be associated with psychopathy. The manifestation of the Factor 1 traits without the Factor 2 traits could be the result of brain-damage over the last many years, from an unknown cause. Or it could be from a definite prevalence of most of the genetic pre-requisites for psychopathy, without the early-developmental activation from a hostile environment (So, as my life goes on, the genetic pre-requisites are activating, diminishing affective and social aspects of the brain).
The possibilities are as follows: I am a neurotypical person that over-analyzes themselves too much; I am a person who is considered mostly a classic psychopath (All/most Factor 1 traits from genetics, and little/no Factor 2 traits from environmental factors); Or I am a person who is so blindly narcissistic, that they are incapable of the negative defense/coping mechanisms associated with attacks on the ego.
I've almost stopped caring at this point, though. All I know is I want to go to a lawless country and experiment with true freedom, in all aspects you could think of.
I score high in the secondary psychopathy traits and high in the primary ones, not so much so as high as in the secondary though. This is quite normal for borderline pd males, depending on the nature. Most of the time I'm in emotional flatland, then I'm all of a sudden feeling things with an intensity foreign to most people. Its quite intoxicating, except the depression, it sucks the life out of you.
As far as narcissistic traits, I score high in them, which is also normal for bpds. I don't avoid intimacy nor avoid feeling as I can't avoid what I have no control over. The only thing I can do is overpower one intense emotion with another. Though I wonder sometimes if it only feels intense, because I'm not used to it and don't control it?