What makes getting into "too much trouble" something you're compelled to avoid?
many different negative consequences which sometimes chain into other negative stuff. mainly things that disturb my peace. mainly other people who react badly to my actions caused by urges.
and all of this is not an urge to avoid these negative consequences, i have thought it over and i have tried different ways to deal with it. an urge is something that you have no control over and all you can think about is satisfying it. you need to just not trigger this urge. manipulate your mindset till it fits in your current environment. you don't want your mindset and your environment in conflict. well that's for me anyway. because this conflict triggers my urges, unless i had foreseen it coming.
Do you have control over how much peace you require to be comfortable, or do you just feel it?
Are there not other urges manipulating you to bother trying to "control" your own mindset? What makes it easier on you to try to keep things under wraps instead of letting it all flow freely, chaotically? Peer pressure? A need to not stand out? A standard you mistakenly believe to have set for yourself?
It's all urges, you just prefer some over others.
Your urge for feelings of peace makes you frustrated when you don't have it, and what constitutes peace for you is itself a byproduct of other urges. Peace is a part of your status quo, and is itself another urge that is not too different from your other ones beyond how you see it (which is itself another byproduct of urges and past context applying pressure). If you were to circumvent what makes those things a problem for you, perhaps through a new set of urges, you could change your behavior entirely, but why don't you? Because other stronger urges tell you not to. Some others may find chaos and vices more peaceful than keeping a lid on their true selves.
An urge is defined as a strong desire or impulse. You have urges that fight other urges just like most people.
Now lets compare your case to that of this story. The bearded one's urges most likely stem from a battle between two different comforts: Comfort through Identity vs Comfort through Conformity. They both root from urges, (and even create responses in tandem as the two interact,) and the choices made reflects which of them came out stronger. Everything we do is based on other variables, there is very little real "choice" in our lives, so who are we to judge how others are until it personally affects our own lives?
Even the need to judge others goes into the "Urge" territory. If there was no urge, there would be no judgement.
"An urge is defined as a strong desire or impulse. You have urges that fight other urges just like most people."
this is getting confusing for me, i do not have enough introspection to define what a strong desire would be. I definitely know what an impulsive urge is. You could say i have a strong desire for peace, but i can tolerate a big lack of peace for a long time(or in other words, i can tolerate being frustrated for a while) and i do not know of any other strong desires that i could have.
if i can ignore/tolerate something, i do not feel its an urge.
"Everything we do is based on other variables, there is very little real "choice" in our lives."
even if this is true, it should be ignored. because then you will love as a robot. everything is predetermined, so why bother, eh ?
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i cant comment on the comparison if i cant understand your point on urges... the way i see it he had an urge to be a woman and nothing else.
a strong desire doesn't feel like it is what you described to me.
i can get over my desire, until i get to the triggering point where it becomes an impulsive urge.
i dont see harm in measuring either. i just cant measure mine. i only know when i am in control and when i am not.
i either have no frustration, or i am frustrated, or i am lashing out. thats my measurement. i try to prevent the last level.
So your lens is just a measurement of frustration?
Delving into understanding yourself could help you learn higher levels of self control and self-tempering that goes beyond a binary good vs bad analysis. Why not go the introspective route? It just takes patience, time, self-analysis, and some notes to compare with that go outside of your own impressions ("feeling").