The first and most obvious resolution to your problem, would be to get yourself on antidepressants.
Everything you have described as being an issue for you stems from your depression. The apathy, emptiness, suicidal thoughts, numbness..... How are you not seeing this? You've said nothing here that would point to being a sociopath. The theme that continues to repeat itself in your little mini-drama is depression. Go see a therapist.
Hello Shadow. I read some of your opening post, it's too long. You should just share the points and hold the details for requests.
The way to deal with emptiness is to do something honest and meaningful. Work, and be trustworthy to someone. Those alone will eliminate emptiness, cause emptiness is but a feeling of worthlessness.
I've coped with depressions since my early age, I've never felt this empty since the 'change' a month ago along with my emotions fading away. I don't consider myself being a sociopath, I don't like the labels, but I do check at most of sociopathic traits, therefore I would consider myself kinda sociopathic right now.
You don't see the issue, clearly. I'm not here to show off to everyone how amazing it is to be a sociopath, first of all, I dont consider myself to be one, at least I haven't been diagnosed as one. Second of all, I'm talking here about the issue of being nihilistic about everything, about being empty, about feeling nothing and the inability to cope and get my shit together. I would, although, suppose this could be a place where someone could have similar issues and managed to fix things, because honestly, I can't fix it myself even though I'd love to.
I am seeing it quite clearly, I assure you, and what you are describing still spells depression. Your greater problem for the moment is you didn't come here for the truth. You came here to get validation for being a sociopath. You are not one. You are just severely depressed. You said you just turned 19, so your depression is going to manifest itself differently in your adult brain than it did in your child brain. Why do you keep rejecting what I have to say?
Shadow, I'm sorry to hear that you are sad!~
Perhaps we can help you to find an idea on something you can work for in your life, and have fun doing it! That way you will have direction, a cause, and you will know what needs to be done in order to reach what it is that makes you happy.
What do you say?!
Thanks for the opinion. Working all day have been the best days I've had lately, keeps me focused on something (I work at telecommunications, sales department, which does help a lot, as I'm always speaking with someone) and I do not spend the day bored staring at computer screen. I guess you are right here. I do also tend to create a trustworthy image, I usualy can get (sadly only women) to open up and be the trusty guy you can tell.
After everything is done, I can't help but remain untouched by all of it and be back at the beginning though. I've only felt meaningful with the 2 girls described in the original long and long text, and since I'm not sure whether I can feel the same again, I'm looking for alternatives.