Btw... I dont know what happened behind the scenes but there's less love in this community </3.
Hi Legga It's great to know there are other empathetic, deep analytical types on here like you and BlaBla also.
1. if people suspect or misjudge you, that is their projection. you can't be responsible for that, only if YOU misjudge.
Some of these projections take time to learn to forgive or let go, before receiving without bias or fear from the past.
being human, we all start by comparing to our pasts. And unfortunately on here that's a lot of negative history.
The fact that people can accept you at all, while they question the bejezus out of you, is HUMAN. it takes some work.
no one said it was going to be easy. can you see it is part of THEIR growing process and not meant to hurt you.
2. the other part is learning to be unconditional.
my friends trust me because they know I will not judge them for things but work through any issues
I will not push things they object to, and they know they can say it to me and not feel bad about that
We are going to have differences. The point is to communicate and NOT cross boundaries.
So Legga if there is some action that "depends" or is "conditional" on XYZ then we must be honest and not cross that line if we can't guarantee it won't harm the relationship
Trust is about staying WITHIN bounds so "no matter what goes wrong" nobody gets hurt because it was unconditional
It is how you set it up to begin with where trust will not be violated because they were no risky conditions attached
it has to be talked out in advance, or no go. Stick to other limits if you can't guarantee what's going to happen
does this make sense?
by Wet for EdvardBtw... I dont know what happened behind the scenes but there's less love in this community </3.
Well honey you get what you give.
If you don't trust people how can you open up and show love.
If you judge people on the surface, what can you expect in return.
I understand if that is why you hide behind someone else's fake name.
So you can blame the lack of connection on that, and not take risks.
I don't judge you, but can't get to know you with all these filters on either.
Other people even your brother Edvard dropped his mask and apologized like a man.
I'd be happy to list you as a real person if you start acting like one.
It is a big topic and I will just bring up a fragment. Whether you trust or not is not just a result of your experience. Even more I think it is about yourself, unless you have pathological paranoia.
I am a very trusting person. I do think most people are as reliable as they say. Why? Probably because I am extremely reliable myself. I'm probably projecting my qualities on them, since I cannot know what goes on inside their minds. It is a natural thing to just assume people think what we think.
I once lived in a kind of big dorm. Of 40 people, only two people kept their doors locked when they were out. I noticed someone had been sniffing around in my room, so I trapped them of sorts. The same two people that locked their doors. No one of those leaving their doors unlocked entered my room without my permission. They thought for real others were the same kind of creeps they were.
That is all I have on the subject. For now.
To share the name of the one who betrayed me? I'm not like that at all, so I won't ruin their so precious internet identity they like hiding so much behind their fake paranoia. :D
Instead, I will elaborate on my perception of trust.
All I can say for myself is that one cannot expect the world to be like one desires, and the pawns around can tell you as much. (Now I'm speaking generally) You can be as reliable as you say you are, but there is also the thought of not being reliable at all. If there's one thing, there inevitably exists the other. So what stops the other people from not being reliable as much as we wished?
It is self-centered to pretend the world owes us the same amount we give them. This is an uneven, varied world. Some live by the dog-eat-dog adagio; some have grown beyond that, and that's how we should see it. The many perspectives. If something's gonna be useful for someone, they will cherish it. What may be treasure to you, might be trash for someone else.
Then there are the ones who distrust but are very much at peace with themselves. I don't trust anyone, to be honest. There's nothing in the world that anyone says that I believe, unless I see it for myself. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm not honest, though. I'm pretty much a preacher when I'm not coocoo for anxiety. I like listening to people, playing along, and when they ask, I tell them about me.
And that's that. No sweat over it. Shit happens. Life goes on. Some people might just not be ready to rely on someone. Who knows? shrugs All I know is that I'll be there no matter what.
I'm too scattery for this kind of stuff - I may not be making much sense here, but that's more or less what I believe happens when someone twists my trust.
"My perspective is that trust, like respect, can neither be demanded, nor assumed. It needs to be earned, then actively sustained and nurtured."
^ This. So much this.
Beyond that, all that can be trusted is the likelihood that someone will behave in certain ways, which isn't trusting them, but trusting their behaviors.