Sociopath Community

blabla - you bring up my biggest problem, the only indication (other than knowing he is at minimum a manipulative person and a sociopath at worst) that I have right now is my instinct. There is absolutely no other reason for me to question him. He has been nothing but good and kind to me.

Is my instinct right? How do you know? I either am a paranoid person or I have been gaslit to believe I am a paranoid person. 

 Yeah, I saw that post by jay and thought the same thing. 

 I want to try the whole be a boring, annoying slob for 3 months to get him disinterested in me, since I clearly have no balls of my own to really do anything 

 Initially it was "too good to be true". Then came slight hints which I attributed to quirks that everyone probably has. Time went on, etc etc. You know how this goes. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to get away from. You're in a very unique situation and it's going to be difficult enough to separate from this person. 

Edit: I'm referring to something you haven't mentioned on forum btw. 

 What is to keep you from changing once he notices? If he has you set as a target he will try to change you back or into what he wants. That's where the idea of making yourself unappealing could fail. That and the fact that you still harbor feelings. 

 That's totally it!!  Too good to be true!  Yes. Exactly. then the little quirks. We did talk about this, you and I. See how conveniently I forgot? 

I do think my be boring approach is my only option in reference to my situation. 

Edit:  yeah, he will try and I might cave but I think it's my only option right now. I am actually considering cutting my hair and letting my weight pile on. I know, fucked up. 

 This made me laugh. If it works, then awesome. With how things are for you it really may be the only way. The key for you is going to be severing those feelings and keeping them at bay even though he'll still be around to some degree. 

 glad I found you, you're like my voice of reason (as reasonable as one can be in sociopath world). It's like the crazy leading the crazy :) 

Yes it is definitely the crazy leading the crazy or confused/confused lol. I still struggle with making the right decisions for myself.  It's even difficult to talk about this for too long before I start thinking about the "not so horrible" times then need to get a grip on reality. The pros and cons start weighing themselves. It's just unreal how deep someone can get embedded into your psyche. 

Knowing what to do isn't the hard part though. Just stick with it and don't give up. Think about how much pain and anguish you're saving yourself from. When you slide and talk to him or falter in some way, don't give up completely or think its hopeless because it's not. It took an amount of time to get you to a state where you were easily manipulated, it's going to take time to get out of it. I was really hard on myself early on (I still am) and made things worse than they had to be. 

 No, I didn't claim to love her outright, but I certainly hinted at it a lot. I had her seduced for a good portion of the time. I don't typically use the word love unless I mean it, which is rare, but there have been times where saying it spur of the moment has benefited me.

It sounds like a lot of effort, but it really wasn't. People have no idea you're plotting, they are oblivious to it most often. These people believed they could trust me, and it makes it so easy to get close to them.

Don't get me wrong, though, both of these people had a lot of growing up to do, in the long run it's better for them both to be apart, whether they see it or not - at least - that's how I rationalize it.

The part that freaks me out is how or why you could work on this for so long without losing the driving force behind it. Do you know what I mean? I think that a lot of times, an emotional driver causes one to plot. in those cases the strong emotional driver will fade Long before a year or two passes. Seems that in your case, spending a year or two was "no big thang"!