So any, or did he have a theme (uppers to feel alive, downers to numb himself, etc)?
Sounds like a real winner to me. Threats, beatings to the point of unconsciousness, gunfire, self-medicated imbalance, depreciation with the use of garbage and shit, police intervention, that's the making of a champion right there.
I think you know what you ought to do, it's simply a matter of if you're willing to, or fall into impulse instead. He has your number, so you're better off disconnecting the line. So what if he won't let go? Fuck forgiveness, some people don't deserve pity.
"Yeah... I guess it's a two way street when it comes from wanting something from each other. There's so much I want to know. This person left an everlasting impression on me that makes it inevitable for me to forget him."
There's ways to get the kicks you want without someone who goes to such unbalanced extremes. Nostalgia's a bitch, but that doesn't mean you have to be it's bitch by modeling off of it.
What's left to know? Why does he need to be forgotten? Why not use your past as an example instead of an inevitability?
He knows how to guilt trip me. His identical twin brother committed suicide in 2008. He brings that up to me whenever he wants me to feel like a douchebag for causing him soooo much pain. I wanted to be the person who gave him the love I felt he was deprived of. I wanted to fill those voids, because he was able to fill mine in the beginning...
Turncoat - amen!!
this is an ego trip: he took away your "value" as a woman and a person and you want him to chase you to prove to you that you are in fact worthy, you want him to recognize his own mistakes so that you can make him pay. it's petty and childish, forget about it. the only power and value he has is the one you've given him, and that was clearly a mistake. you misjudged him, you trusted him, you allowed him to treat you badly... but it's ok, we all make mistakes! learn from it and leave it behind. ignore him and forget about him (yes you can!), and that will be your revenge. nobody likes to be ignored or forgotten about, especially not a narcissist, so do that. live your life, be happy, learn from this mistake, and leave his ass in the oblivion. do yourself a favor and cut all ties with this lunatic, it's not worth it, unless you feel that your life has no worth, in which case you can commit suicide on your own, you really don't need him! just dump this sad story completely and be well. best of luck to you!
Why can't someone else go through the pain you did in your stead? Why can't it be someone else's problem? Why does it have to be you?
The twin brother has nothing to do with this, it's a red herring to tug at your sympathy. Him "filling voids" could have very well been anyone else through less fucked up means. Think about you, let yourself feel selfish in the name of self preservation. You owe him nothing.
this love you give is precisely why he won't let you go. you're his supply. no junky would let it go, and narcissists are junkies of egotistical and emotional kind. fuck him. he's crazy, that's his problem, focus on yourself and being well. take a step back and objectively look at things, who are you, what are you about, why did you let this story play out in your own life? insecurities? fear of being alone? low self-esteem? there is a reason hiding in you, identify it and deal with it on your own terms. you don't need this fucker. seriously, there are way better people out there in the world! get a dog in the meantime, it will love you unconditionally and protect you against freaks of nature.
I blocked him, changed my number, blocked him on Facebook.. He always finds me. Low self esteem. I've had it all my life, and I thought I finally found someone who loved me.. When I say that I mean loved every bit of me. I gave him all the parts of me that I was too afraid to show the rest of the world, and these parts of me were things I hated about myself. His love, and appreciation for them was what helped me love, and embrace those things too. Why did it have to be the one person who had that power end up hurting me the most?
b/c that's how they work, they prey on the weak. i'm sorry hon, trust me i know how it is. if he's able to find you it's b/c you're leaving crumbs behind, make a pact with yourself that you deserve better, that you're worth it and that you're not settling for a shitty life. make a deal w/ yourself and stick with it, cut all ties. fuck this guy, fuck him for being a shitty person and treating you badly. only sad, pathetic, trashy, ignorant, lame fucks abuse people, nobody deserves that! so fuck him, he's no better than you, by claiming your right to be well and happy you will have already won. he can rot in his misery. take care of yourself!! seriously get a dog, it helps, i promise!! ;)