" I like studying people"
Me too, on campus I like looking at the couples, the gf the bf, how thay communicate, how thay share each others feelings...
If the psychopath still retains some childishness in their personality as many psychologists think they do then they would still be sensitive albeit to different things. There is some variation among sociopaths in as far as composition of traits As a child I was hyper-sensitive to all kinds of things, and, for example, the slightest hint of rejection would set me off and I'd fantasize how to well lets say get my revenge, despite not liking people much at all.
I was never sensitive as a child. I was unemotional for the most part. I didn't have much interest in playing with other kids. My mother and the teachers at school thought I was withdrawn. I just didn't have an interest in connecting with other people.
Even my mother says I was cold and distant towards her, which is why her and I have never bonded. My mother feels more like just someone I know than a mother. My brother and sister seemed to be able to bond with her alright. I've just never had any real desire to.
by Thrill KillI have a strong opinion of them [whores] because they remind me of my mother, who was not a whore herself, but certainly acted like one at one stage in my life when I was child. Whenever she had a man around I became insignificant. The men always mattered more to her than me and I resented her for it.
Now you have your answer. Happy?
No desire to bond with her? Then why did you resent her for treating you as second best?
If I gave Freud much credence, I'd say this sounds a little "Oedipus" like, with your constant talk of the invisible penis, and how you wish you could get the attention your mother's men got.
You can't understand how I could resent someone who treats me like I don't even fucking matter?
My mother was my primary care-giver, so naturally how she treated me mattered.
Well, usually she wasn't the primary caregiver, since she would be either staying late after work getting blind, rotten drunk while leaving my brother and I home alone, or we'd be with a babysitter. I lost track of the number of different babysitters we went through.
You don't get it. It wouldn't of mattered if it were my mother or someone else. Even as an adult now, I wouldn't like it someone I knew treated me like I'm insignificant, because I value my own life and I don't appreciate other people treating me like my life is worthless.
It has nothing to do with wanting to bond with them (I have no desire to do that) and everything to do with respect.
What sort of things did she do to have you feel like you were being treated disrespectfully? Were you not fed, not given attention, the victim of biting remarks, what did she do exactly that gave you the impression that those she was fucking were more worth her time?
She could be abusive physically and psychologically at times. She basically brushed me aside as though nothing I did or said had any value. There were a couple of times where I suspected that she was purposefully trying to get rid of my brother and I.
In one situation, when we were little, she left us at a playground by ourselves all day until dusk, with nothing to eat and no-one to watch us. I think she only came back for us out of guilt.
She struck you and tried to mess with your head? How young did this start?
What's your brother like? You mentioned being the black sheep of the family, so I take it he's not like you. Even so, did he end up showing any signs of damage?
How has this affected your parenting style? My father had some family issues when he was growing up, and it strongly framed how he chose to raise me. A lot of "I refuse to be my father" sort of talk. Would you say the same sort of thing applies to you?