I agree the drug industry is a big factor. You should see the drug reps. Almost always hot women and the doctors will talk to them anytime, unlike their patients. This is all doctors not just psychiatrists.
Hypercritical is very accurate, but from having the bar raised as high as I needlessly bother to do I have managed to have some successes. Just never really feels satisfying since it could always have been better.
The thoughts are probably holding me back, I just have no idea where to start on that mental venture. I can't really remember a time I wasn't like that.
Hallucinations are gone, save for some auditory ones on occation, like thinking I hear someone calling my name or sounds at the edge of hearing that have no right being there. This is usually only the case in the early stages of not keeping up with my suppliment, it's an off day, or I drank a fair deal the day before (Zinc leaves through urine, and alcohol is a hell of a diuretic).
Sometimes I'll be dumb and be curious how it'd feel to not take my suppliment on purpose over a stretch of time. Very stupid thinking on my part when it happens.
it could most likely begin with some sort of therapy (not necessarily meds)..is this something you would consider?
i get auditory ones sometimes (usually from drug use too)
there's probably more to your self-sabotaging with your suppliments than you think..try not to be so hard on yourself..how old are you?
I tried therapy, but when they appear to know less than I do, it really makes for no progress. I'd have to actually selectively shop around for that sort of thing, and at that point it could be argued that by selectively shopping around I'd get less progress simply because of cherry-picking my own likely results in advance by reading their character. Even for those who are on top of their game I've seen or met from non-therapy contexts, their eyes betray how they feel about the things I'm saying.
Auditory hallucinations are the most common for people, usually from a lack of mental stimulation. Some people however have that line drawn in weird places.
I do self-sabotage, but I at least try to do so somewhat experimentally. If I learn nothing from it, or at least don't gain any useful reminders from the experience, then it was pointless. Sometimes remembering how dark things could be can give me a sense of perspective about how life is now.
Didn't you ask my age before? Mid-twenties.
So often I see people in the field have a third person perspective on the mind, from behind their textbooks and knowledge alone. They assume everything can be sorted out into labels, instead of simply understanding what people are capable of better from the existance of said labels. When they see me, they just seem baffled, and by the end of talking to me they end up just parroting the things I'd already found myself, at best.
It's like trying to treat alcoholism without any experience with it, be it themselves, a parent, a sibling, etc, simply a textbook understanding. I'd prefer someone who'd try to actually pick at my brain instead of someone looking for an easy answer.
Sometimes I get into tangents about how I think, how I percieve things, and the amount of detail that goes into that. Alongside my Nihilism, and how unstable I once appeared? They were looking at me like I ought to be in a straight jacket. I'd imagine a better reception now, but many just can't fathom the atypical leaps that it takes to really get what I'm saying, and assume all sorts of odd things.
It passes through the body from urination, so I guess if you just made them pee constantly through diuretics for a long stretch of time, it might have some results kind of like it.
I'd argue it's too much work though. Even for me to go through my stores of it isn't a fast process, just much faster than usual.
i get what you mean in terms of textbook knowledge as opposed to firsthand experience, but it works both ways. there are people who have no concept of the tragic ways they repeat negative cycles even though they've experienced the devastating effects firsthand themselves.
have you considered it at all possible that at times, your perception of how people are perceiving you is in part your own projection? an offhand blank/confused reaction can be blown up into you thinking they're thinking you're seriously ill and need to be hospitalised.
i only say this because there have been times when i thought i should be hospitalised, and i realised later how much i had projected this onto other people. perhaps the realisation part is the hardest