As your therapist I would say you are too hot to be mentally sick and then seduce you in my office
That'd be malpractice. You could lose your license for that.
Had my first therapy appointment today with my *new* therapist
sought out someone more specialized in trauma, addiction, and EMDR for whatever. They also specialize in eating disorders which is good cuz I’ve had one since I was ten lol. It still affects me somewhat. Not as severe when I was young but.
Their office was very sooothing, the design of it was totally zen and “clean” you know and they had music going that I always listen to. The zen music, that’s very meditative and then in the background the sound of waves or water trickling which is very helpful for my anxiety
There is really only a few framed art works that are like beautifully lettered designs of helpful/soothing phrases of affirmation
I have to be really careful about putting stuff on my walls because my mental illness uses it as a way to overwhelm me rather than help me
but these phrases were helpful ones not overwhelming ones so that’s good. There’s a fine line with those. But she seemed to get what reallt would be helpful and not just retarded or not helpful
related to eating disorders depression anxiety and what not
the office made me smile because all these things I do and all this shit in my head is like this dark secret I’ve kept from the world and there’s no one irl I speak to about it
So like to see stuff abojt your depression and your eating disorders on the wall, like that. That were genuinely understanding of the stuff you’ve gone thru in your head, it’s an odd sensation but it was good so I was smiling idk
to have that finally out in the open like that, it was relieving and all of this made me feel like maybe I was in the right place or that this therapist had good potential for understanding me a little better than most have been able to
maybe help me even
it’s rare to find someone who understands so to see it all in front of you like that I just started smiling and almost started crying I just never thought I would meet anyone who understands myself as much as I do. Why I like zen music playing at all times. Why I like beach noises. Why I like zen interior spaces.
I could tell just from looking at how thoughtfully pit together everything was, this person not only understands but js likely very empathic. Was the vibe I got from the space. It was gentle, on purpose.
So so you don’t feel threatened or clinical, uncomfortable. Etc. there’s none of that. There’s also very low traffic cuz it’s just one person at a time pretty much so
it’s very nice and quiet and empty. No lobbies full of 24 people. You can just sit there and focus for a moment and be zen. Gather your thoughts.
Were as in other lobbkes i feel so intruded on by strangers it’s not a comfortable space for me to think or meditate on things and it’s a jarring process going into therapy straight from that, more so than it is to transition into it from the peaceful zen lobby.
It really is the little things.
It it feels like a secret space you can go to be safe or to feel safe, and alone to be free in your thoughts without distraction or outside stresses of any kind. As an introvert I’ve alwahs tried to find these little places in the world. Books and crannies and secret corners where I can go away and just be alone
and this place reminded me of that vibe like a secret little place tucked away where I could... just be. Alone.
So that vibe makes it an enjoyable and comfortable place for me to go rather than feeling racked and erratic from it all and it being more of a chore.
As she called me back to the room and I followed her to it I was trying not to smile
but I’ve genuinely been to an office quite as good as this one so I was really impressed lol
I noted in her office there was a sign that said I love you even at your darkest
Immediately, next to a sign about diets. It said “stop dieting!” Or like “end diets!” Or something like that.
And there was one other one I didn’t get a chance to look at but, we sat there and went over my intake paperwork
and I was really anxious about some of the topics that were asked about in there and having to talk about them and what not
I thought it would be very dofficult but she helped me get through it by stopping a lot and like taking detours or breaks from the topic, or like doing some grounding exercises breathing and stuff like that for a minute kind of meditation stuff
and that helped significantly a long with the constant beach waves she has playing through out the entire session
it reaaaaaally helps me not dissociate or go into a panic attack. Because the beach is a place I use in my guided meditations and have been using for years now.
But yeah uh, the difficult things she didn’t make me get too into yet but allowed me to be more vague
We talked about my addiction issues which is huge because I haven’t opened up about that before in fear of that taking away my potential to get certain medications if I ever needed them (which was addict thinking lol)
but she she didn’t respond negatively to any of it or seem to be judging me lol so that made me feel more comfortable talking about it
but yeah uh... we talked about my parents a bit and she said that I need to work on getting used to the prospect of living without a fucking leash.
and we just talked about emdr and how it’s gonna help me function better with debilitating panic attacks and other shit that weighs me down in a lot of ways. Specific things in specific areas I’m targeting.
She was accepting of my berh weird religious views and also didn’t seem to think I was a mess looking over my paper work or seem overwhelmed with my problems
made it seem more more normal and casual and not that bad but still took it seriously too lol she wasn’t invalidating or anything either so that’s good
sometimes other therapists have been quite emotionally reactive to what I tell them about and it doesn’t help me. They get overwhelmed and look stressed and concerned or they’re crying for me when I’m not even crying lol
and also she understood what things could lead me to another mental crisis naturally so that was helpful cuz most don’t honestly and they’ll give me assignments or things that literally counterintuitive
we we talked a bit about ptsd and what’s living life with that s like and why I am the way I am I.e why I’m having problems in certain areas and what it all comes from
basicallt my body and mind is still in survival mode and now that I’m in this other place in life it’s having a hard time adjusting to that
it’s very hard on the mental processes because it’s so complex how deeply that runs, the jarring effects of going from surviving to ... normal life
that transition a lone is hard to make and then maintaining it
all while your body and mind is still trained and reacting like it’s in survival mode still
it creates problems for daily living and those problems create more problems etc etc lol
Can’t stop wanting to self sabotage
it’s not that way all the time and it’s only a part of myself that wants to
but I have to admit it’s a problem if I want to start fixing it
Actually, you need to self sabotage as a remaking of yourself is in order.
Can’t stop wanting to self sabotage
it’s not that way all the time and it’s only a part of myself that wants to
but I have to admit it’s a problem if I want to start fixing it
Actually, you need to self sabotage as a remaking of yourself is in order.
That strongly depends on what sort of self sabotage is being performed.
Diving head first back into drugs for instance more perpetuates the situation than remakes it.
