Sociopath Community

Turncoat said:

Egoism is better as a symptom of something else than as a perspective solely on it's own. Solipsism meanwhile in it's lesser expressions is merely knowing that the we can only understand the world through ourselves.

We are not the center of the universe, but we are the center of our own. Still though going from Egoist to Marxist is kind of like quitting Meatatarianism and substituting it with Fruititarianism; Sure it might look good on paper, but it's jumping from one extreme to another with little mid-ground, a mid-ground that if found would yield a more mature dietary perspective.

 It was more like, me being a marxist, then not caring because I was self-indulgent which made me stumble upon egoism as something to look into.

Turncoat said:

You're open with what you believe and what you've studied, but you haven't dug much deeper than that.

You grasp exterior substance, that of knowledge, but your experiences are lacking in depth. Sure you can tell me what you've read lately and what you had for breakfast this morning, but you have no means of elaborating on the why without hurting yourself in your present form.

Your mind's like gigantic textbook trying to sumo press or otherwise conceal a human being.

 I don't know what you're wanting me to elaborate on? That is the problem. 

Turncoat said:

Which ones drew you in initially?

 


What are you wanting me to go into? My past problems and pain that I once felt? I don't know what you're asking me to look into or explain to you. Why I believe in my philosophy and ideology? Both? Neither? What? 


Side note: My uncle is messaging me over facebook, he's asking me if I remember my grandpa and such, it's hard for me to give a response. My uncle by the way is in a nursing home, he got in a car wreck a few years ago, and he wants to die, and my family won't let him. Such a fate, I would never want to happen to me. I've had thoughts of ending his misery as a act of kindness to him, not because I know him that well on a deep personal level, when i was younger I did stuff with him and had fun. That was a different time. 

While my grandpa was my closest relative as a child, and his death did hurt me, I don't dwell on it much, I moved on from it, it's been almost 10 years since his death. I'm trying to respond to my uncle to at least attempt to seem normal. 

I'm starting to think you perceive me as a cultist because you see me as if I blindly believe in my views without looking at other perspectives. I'm having trouble understanding what you want me to explain about. I can explain my views, but I can't use the blanket of [Politics A], etc. It's more complicated than that. If this requires me to go into politics, then I will, I've been trying to keep it separate but I guess I can't. Is that what you want? I need an answer. I need a clear question of what you're wanting me to open up about.

I can guarantee to you, that I am not in a cult, nor is my group even cult like. Technically the group is semi-functioning some stuff happened, it might even die, and I'd be stuck with me and my friend/leader. There's not admiration of the leader, there's no cult of personality, there's none of that. My leader is quite busy, dealing with some stuff, we get in touch every few months and discuss. There's no guidelines or rules necessarily entirely set. Our group is laid back, and we are not in a rush. I could've done 4 years at college, I chose not to, because I'd rather be in the action as soon as possible. This was of my own free will, none of them came to me and told me to do this task. I asked them if there's anyway I could contribute. 

We're not an elitist group, we're not on a special mission to save humanity, we are just a group working towards similar goals of other groups. Even if I wasn't in this group, I would've directed myself towards the military anyway. 

If I went to college for 4 years, I would've entered military right after. 

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

Egoism is better as a symptom of something else than as a perspective solely on it's own. Solipsism meanwhile in it's lesser expressions is merely knowing that the we can only understand the world through ourselves.

We are not the center of the universe, but we are the center of our own. Still though going from Egoist to Marxist is kind of like quitting Meatatarianism and substituting it with Fruititarianism; Sure it might look good on paper, but it's jumping from one extreme to another with little mid-ground, a mid-ground that if found would yield a more mature dietary perspective.

It was more like, me being a marxist, then not caring because I was self-indulgent which made me stumble upon egoism as something to look into.

You really have something against self-indulgence?

Why? I love it, it's indulgent.

Turncoat said:

You're open with what you believe and what you've studied, but you haven't dug much deeper than that.

You grasp exterior substance, that of knowledge, but your experiences are lacking in depth. Sure you can tell me what you've read lately and what you had for breakfast this morning, but you have no means of elaborating on the why without hurting yourself in your present form.

Your mind's like gigantic textbook trying to sumo press or otherwise conceal a human being.

 I don't know what you're wanting me to elaborate on? That is the problem.

I'd prefer you elaborate on a less knowledge-factual basis and instead try to talk about your inner processes. The inner workings often lack the words, and trying to understand it as a result can be a struggle that's far less than streamline.

Turncoat said:

Which ones drew you in initially?

What are you wanting me to go into?

Yeah... these can be kind of hard to dig into without background music. I'd stick to either those ones or ones that are around four to five minutes at the start. I would link you some like I would most anything else... but I don't know which specific subject matter is closer to your triggers that he could play on.

Still, here's a few I guess, but he's really more of a personal journey than one someone can guide for you.


4 Minutes [Short]


3 Minutes [Short]


45 Minutes [Long]

See though I can't tell if any of these will get to you or not, as it's more about direct relevance to the moment, the power of whimsy picking towards that which you specifically need to hear at that particular time. I cannot do that part for you.

For me for instance, after some religious debates, Alan Watt's entries on Religion seem more tempting. When I've been sitting there mulling about how much of a failure I am, Alan Watt's entries on Purpose take the stand. When If I'm on the gloomier side, I go into Alan Watt's entries on Death and Life's Beauty.

His works are about what you're looking for, what words resonate to you in that moment, as opposed to just some textbook you pick up and read cover-to-cover to gain an understanding. Without personal relevance it's wise words on deaf ears, and as his entries start sinking in he can be enjoyed more generally.

He's worth it.


[Chillstep Mixes of Alan Watts]

My past problems and pain that I once felt?

If this is where your mind's wandering from these deconstructions then that's likely where we ought to take it.

I'm open for this discussion, by my relative understanding of time it probably wasn't even that long ago that it happened, it's recent and likely still somewhat fresh.

I don't know what you're asking me to look into or explain to you. Why I believe in my philosophy and ideology? Both? Neither? What? 

Your philosophy is only important for me for the "Why". You're the subject matter here, this is why I can still talk about this without calling on the political titles by name.

Your philosophy is a justification, and as a justification it's a red herring towards the actual roots that constitute your being. You try to get lost in knowledge so as to not have to look at yourself, but if you don't know yourself then you're presenting yourself confused towards the world while they're liable to see more about you than you are.

Side note: My uncle is messaging me over facebook, he's asking me if I remember my grandpa and such, it's hard for me to give a response.

I mean you were like what, nine? You also hadn't been with him for very long I'm guessing.

My uncle by the way is in a nursing home, he got in a car wreck a few years ago, and he wants to die, and my family won't let him. Such a fate, I would never want to happen to me.

So that's why you were bringing that up as a "fate for pedos".

I've had thoughts of ending his misery as a act of kindness to him, not because I know him that well on a deep personal level, when i was younger I did stuff with him and had fun. That was a different time.

While my grandpa was my closest relative as a child, and his death did hurt me, I don't dwell on it much, I moved on from it, it's been almost 10 years since his death. I'm trying to respond to my uncle to at least attempt to seem normal.

I too agree with Kevorkian.

Sintetika said: 

I'm starting to think you perceive me as a cultist because you see me as if I blindly believe in my views without looking at other perspectives.

No, I think you exhibit cultist risks through how you carry yourself. It's not about the perspective itself, any perspective or media can be rendered cult-like, even Unicorns.

What I am concerned over is how your thought processes work, the patterns, the areas you let flex alongside the areas you repress or let languish. You're an ideal candidate for someone to approach you with an E-Reader with your only defense coming from a less agnostic political leaning, mere knowledge that anyone could carry.

Your heuristics are where I wonder.

I can explain my views, but I can't use the blanket of [Politics A], etc. It's more complicated than that.

Can you explain your views outside of the philosophical or vigilante spectrum?

Everything bleeds together in some way, everything is connected. When you speak of one thing, other areas will seep into the message and show more dimensions of it than just mere textbook rhetoric.

Why I wanted you to talk about your Russian Spine-Ripper for instance? While I do love D&D as a game itself, I more wanted to hear your interpretation of the experience, why you picked what you did, what story decisions you made when you otherwise lacked consequence, how you projected onto your character and responded to your peers as said character.

Your politics are just as important to me as your D&D sessions or your interactions with your friends: Through talking about these things an averaged picture of who you are underneath it, what inspires it, can be seen. Your politics are a means to an end for me to find out who you are without them.

Alright, I got a few hours of sleep after about 3+ of almost none. Still kinda hazy but I'll dedicate a browser window for your youtube vids in our last two topics.

I'll mostly be picking it up to try to deconstruct it though, as again, this is about you, what you is behind the textbook you'd prefer to hide behind when you look in the mirror. 

Turncoat said:

Can you explain your views outside of the philosophical or vigilante spectrum?

What other views are their outside of such? My religious beliefs? I'm an atheist but I do believe in some form of spiritualism, mainly through the universe, considering we're made up of the same materials that make up the rest of the universe. 

 

Does views include interests? I don't much of any views outside of a politico-philosophical perspective, or at least mine. 

Turncoat said:

Why I wanted you to talk about your Russian Spine-Ripper for instance? While I do love D&D as a game itself, I more wanted to hear your interpretation of the experience, why you picked what you did, what story decisions you made when you otherwise lacked consequence, how you projected onto your character and responded to your peers as said character.

 My Character was a Russian monk who drank a lot, the background was basically muscle for a mob. Then I left that life. I found friends that I got to know and we traveled on an adventure. The way I ripped out people's spines was literally through punching through them and ripping their spine out, I collected spines and was comic relief character. The closest model of the character would be from this, which was absolutely unintentional, my friends compared me to him.

 
Referring to Zangief

There isn't much I remember from my character. I remember making everyone laugh and they loved my character. 
When I was leaving, me and the DM came up with an idea of how to exist, and what happened was there was the main antag called "The Master" and he unleashed this purple crystal that shot out tentacles which grabbed a hold of my party members and was hurting them, I jumped up, grabbed the crystal and destroyed it with my bare hands absorbed it's power and thus causing me to become weak and die. 

There wasn't really that much of a flesh out character, at least not that I see. I was just a silly member. I came across my old mob wanting me to come back, and I killed the leader and ripped out his spine. In that setting Russians weren't called Russians, they were called Skalaviks, and it was more of a mix of nordic-slavic culture. So viking russians. 

Even in real life, I make fun of people, I'm like the comic relief guy. I do silly shit and make people laugh. Other than that, I don't see much other than the views. 

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

Can you explain your views outside of the philosophical or vigilante spectrum?

What other views are their outside of such?

Tons of things? 

Is... that a serious question? 

My religious beliefs? I'm an atheist but I do believe in some form of spiritualism, mainly through the universe, considering we're made up of the same materials that make up the rest of the universe. 

That seems more like being amazed by a sense of unfathomable scale and function. 

Spiritualism isn't really just one thing to everyone. What does it mean to you, especially within your framework of Atheism? Is it typical Noosphere jargon or is it something you've spent more time on? 

Does views include interests?

Yes, very much so. 

I don't much of any views outside of a politico-philosophical perspective, or at least mine. 

I doubt that, most people tend to have views on things simply by the nature of being exposed to others having views around them. 

We're very spongy absorbent creatures when it comes to information and the judgement processing of it. Even just hearing someone talk about the news tends to elicit a view out of someone. 

What you really mean to say is that you don't have much of any views that are as fleshed out and comfortable as politico-philosophical media. 

You could be telling me about TV genres you do and don't like and it'd still yield some form of data about you. This is why in therapy sessions it can often be about just whatever gets them talking when there isn't a specific mental tunnel being pushed. The very act of conversation alone tends to be revealing. 

When I was leaving, me and the DM came up with an idea of how to exist, and what happened was there was the main antag called "The Master" and he unleashed this purple crystal that shot out tentacles which grabbed a hold of my party members and was hurting them, I jumped up, grabbed the crystal and destroyed it with my bare hands absorbed it's power and thus causing me to become weak and die. 

So there was no dialogue? No exchanges between party members? You just remember that you did funny stuff and that something killed you? 

You're just narrating events in a detached fashion. How did it feel to play as that guy, and how were the interactions when it wasn't just you ripping out spines? 

There wasn't really that much of a flesh out character, at least not that I see. I was just a silly member. I came across my old mob wanting me to come back, and I killed the leader and ripped out his spine. In that setting Russians weren't called Russians, they were called Skalaviks, and it was more of a mix of nordic-slavic culture. So viking russians. 

Did being "silly" feel easier than an alternative? What inspired the silly?

Turncoat said:

That seems more like being amazed by a sense of unfathomable scale and function.

Spiritualism isn't really just one thing to everyone. What does it mean to you, especially within your framework of Atheism? Is it typical Noosphere jargon or is it something you've spent more time on?

 I've never heard of "Noosphere" 

Turncoat said:

Yes, very much so.

 Okay, my interests other than politics and philosophy are history, and science, science fiction, military, military history, video games, maybe some tv shows, I like pizza. I like Chocolate, I don't know how any of this factors into this, but okay. 

Turncoat said:

I doubt that, most people tend to have views on things simply by the nature of being exposed to others having views around them.

We're very spongy absorbent creatures when it comes to information and the judgement processing of it. Even just hearing someone talk about the news tends to elicit a view out of someone.

What you really mean to say is that you don't have much of any views that are as fleshed out and comfortable as politico-philosophical media.

You could be telling me about TV genres you do and don't like and it'd still yield some form of data about you. This is why in therapy sessions it can often be about just whatever gets them talking when there isn't a specific mental tunnel being pushed. The very act of conversation alone tends to be revealing.

 I liked Dexter, I liked Punisher, when I was younger, I was big into Doctor Who. I like Star Wars, I like Castlevania, I enjoy other animes like Attack on Titan, My Hero Academia, Hellsing: Ultimate, JoJo's Bizzare Adventure.

Movies I enjoy Terminator, Terminator 2. Alien, Aliens, Alien Covenanent, Predator, Predator 2, Robocop, Rambo: First Blood. 


I've talked about stuff in depth with other people before, I know what you're asking, I just can't process any of that here, it doesn't make sense to me. Me talking to a stranger over a site on a thread about me and what my interests are doesn't help me think of what interests me. The majority of the music I listen to, the videos I watch, are communist, there are other channels that are gaming and such, but there's not much to that. In regards to Video Games, say Hearts of Iron IV, I go Communist, I spread Communism. With my friends online. I discuss politics and that leads to me talking about the system and such. 

I know I could talk about other stuff I do it it a lot, but you've broken my ability to do that, I don't know how to function, I can't even think entirely, I took painkillers, I still got a headache. It's like there's a clog in the gears and they won't turn. 


I don't know how to explain anything now, because it's not working, I was perfectly fine and functioning and able to do everything your asking me to, until we started doing this. I've talked to other people about my condition before. yet right now, I can't. I don't know why, and it's annoying me. I can't see the depth your wanting me to go. It's just nothing. I am trying to think hard about what interests me, I can list off stuff, but I can't explain them, I just do. I can explain them with my friends, I go deep conversations with my friends, over movies and shit, I have a friend I go deep into the lore of Warhammer 40k with. Yet none of that is working now. 

You call this progress, yet here I am stuck in this state of not being able to DO ANYTHING I can't absorb information, I can't think of anything interesting, I'm stuck here.