how you do
me i praise the other person a lot and also do some fake open up vulnerability thing and often it works
I have good acquaintances, but I haven't made a friend in decades.
I also can't mix any of my close friends together, they all hate one another.
If you're being fake I'll know by seeing feedback as exaggerated, but I'll also see it as someone trying to be my friend. They will be given a chance. My users have a history of falling for me and don't end up too far when I say no and deny them any favors.
Some friends are like vampires, and I'll give them some of my blood, until I don't. They'll feed elsewhere and return with a different outlook when dealing with me.
Would you consider those people you manipulate "friends"?
Maybe, but calling it “manipulation” does not clarify much. Every friendship consists of two brains adjusting their behavior to obtain certain responses, reduce losses, and maintain whatever they find useful in the relationship. Praise, honesty, vulnerability, distance, affection, and even silence all influence the other person. You can distinguish between methods, but trying to locate some pure point where influence ends and “real friendship” begins seems arbitrary.
I have good acquaintances, but I haven't made a friend in decades. I also can't mix any of my close friends together, they all hate one another.
If you're being fake I'll know by seeing feedback as exaggerated, but I'll also see it as someone trying to be my friend. They will be given a chance. My users have a history of falling for me and don't end up too far when I say no and deny them any favors. Some friends are like vampires, and I'll give them some of my blood, until I don't. They'll feed elsewhere and return with a different outlook when dealing with me.
I assume you mean that you have old close friends but have not made any new ones in decades. What remains unclear is whether the people you describe as falling for you, being denied favors, receiving limited “blood,” feeding elsewhere, and returning with adjusted behavior are those same close friends or a separate category. You move from acquaintances to close friends to users to vampires without clearly distinguishing them, which makes your actual definition of friendship difficult to identify.
I have good acquaintances, but I haven't made a friend in decades. I also can't mix any of my close friends together, they all hate one another.
If you're being fake I'll know by seeing feedback as exaggerated, but I'll also see it as someone trying to be my friend. They will be given a chance. My users have a history of falling for me and don't end up too far when I say no and deny them any favors. Some friends are like vampires, and I'll give them some of my blood, until I don't. They'll feed elsewhere and return with a different outlook when dealing with me.
I assume you mean that you have old close friends but have not made any new ones in decades.
Right.
What remains unclear is whether the people you describe as falling for you, being denied favors, receiving limited “blood,” feeding elsewhere, and returning with adjusted behavior are those same close friends or a separate category.
Sometimes both.
The user, I keep her in a different category. She'll be back and part of me will be delighted. I understand some people are just fucked up and it's in their nature, so I set boundaries with these types.
When you set boundaries on someone who sucks your energy, they become more respectful.
You move from acquaintances to close friends to users to vampires without clearly distinguishing them, which makes your actual definition of friendship difficult to identify.
Close friends = The close ones. I trust them. We love one another. We hang out etc.
Vampires = The users. The ones who drain energy. The ones who almost never reciprocate. Cannot mix these with the others, nor family. They love, but knowing you love them is enough for them to turn around and start dealing damage. Handling them is like handling scorpions. Why keep them ? Love.
When you keep toxic people, they appreciate it deeply regardless of how fucked up the connection can get.
Acquaintances = They come and they go. Sometimes you go. Sometimes they are vampires or harbor some kind of toxic attribute. The difference when they are vampires, they are not a vampire you love.
They hate one another. Ripped up. If I had everyone I cared about over at the same time, wow. It would be nice if it would be nice, but it really wouldn't.
My 3 closest friends would have a royal rumble, and it would be serious. They each come with others who'd just be there to be uncomfortable at my gatherings.
The Vampire, she would intentionally neglect me and probably bang one of my friends if given the chance, and she would only do that for me to witness as though the ultimate validation is breaking hearts. Yes if you keep a Vampire in the first place it's a romantic feeling. Tell her you love her, and sooner than later she'll talk about some guy she finds hot. Pull away and she comes running. If I were to permanently cut her out it would hurt both of us, so I'll do things that help manage her and not put the cat with the mouse, if you know what I mean.
This is why I don't celebrate holidays or my Birthday. lol I'm actually happier this way, and it's good mental health.
If I do go to someone's place for a holiday, the rule is.... I wasn't here, and it's not that I'm choosing one over the other, I'm there cause they simply invited me when they shouldn't, plus food.
Where I am I have a friend, and he has friends that are friends of mine, we have fun. BBQ's and consumables etc. Same shit with the others but I'd have to go there to avoid collisions.
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There's also another category. The Frenemy. The Vampire would be similar to one of these if boundaries aren't set. These are the people who generally would like to see you fail, they are close enough to mingle for some reason or another, but, you just know after a while the ill will becomes tiresome and eventually things become peaceful and cordial.
Oddly enough, the Vampire is my favorite one of the lot. A stolen heart is a heart that's been stolen, and stolen things aren't easy to get back.
Close friends = The close ones. I trust them. We love one another. We hang out etc. Vampires = The users. The ones who drain energy. The ones who almost never reciprocate. Cannot mix these with the others, nor family. They love, but knowing you love them is enough for them to turn around and start dealing damage. Handling them is like handling scorpions. Why keep them ? Love. When you keep toxic people, they appreciate it deeply regardless of how fucked up the connection can get. Acquaintances = They come and they go. Sometimes you go. Sometimes they are vampires or harbor some kind of toxic attribute. The difference when they are vampires, they are not a vampire you love.
They hate one another. Ripped up. If I had everyone I cared about over at the same time, wow. It would be nice if it would be nice, but it really wouldn't. My 3 closest friends would have a royal rumble, and it would be serious. They each come with others who'd just be there to be uncomfortable at my gatherings.
The Vampire, she would intentionally neglect me and probably bang one of my friends if given the chance, and she would only do that for me to witness as though the ultimate validation is breaking hearts. Yes if you keep a Vampire in the first place it's a romantic feeling. Tell her you love her, and sooner than later she'll talk about some guy she finds hot. Pull away and she comes running. If I were to permanently cut her out it would hurt both of us, so I'll do things that help manage her and not put the cat with the mouse, if you know what I mean. This is why I don't celebrate holidays or my Birthday. lol I'm actually happier this way, and it's good mental health.
If I do go to someone's place for a holiday, the rule is.... I wasn't here, and it's not that I'm choosing one over the other, I'm there cause they simply invited me when they shouldn't, plus food.
Where I am I have a friend, and he has friends that are friends of mine, we have fun. BBQ's and consumables etc. Same shit with the others but I'd have to go there to avoid collisions. There's also another category. The Frenemy. The Vampire would be similar to one of these if boundaries aren't set. These are the people who generally would like to see you fail, they are close enough to mingle for some reason or another, but, you just know after a while the ill will becomes tiresome and eventually things become peaceful and cordial. Oddly enough, the Vampire is my favorite one of the lot. A stolen heart is a heart that's been stolen, and stolen things aren't easy to get back.
Your categories seem designed to keep you in the superior role. You value dependence when it makes you feel needed, but when that same dependence becomes burdensome, you call the person a “vampire” and treat their reliance as a defect. The pattern is self-serving: their need proves your importance, their harm proves their toxicity, and your decision to keep them proves your loyalty. Almost every outcome reinforces your status while placing the problem in them.
You also seem to define care through attachment, provision, and management, while leaving empathy, fairness, and the other person’s perspective mostly out of it. Keeping someone does not automatically mean caring for them, especially when you describe them as creatures to control. I do not need a moral hierarchy to care about people. It is enough to recognize that their interests matter too. Your moralism seems to permit domination and degradation so long as you can still call yourself the caretaker.
All this sounds exhausting honestly. I don’t know how anyone over the age of 30 has time for ‘frenemies’ or whatever
I can assure you I don't put much effort into trying to make any friends. It happens still, but I don't consider the friends. It happens everytime we move to a new place, everytime It never fails.
Frenemies are temporary. Last one I had was a housemate 15 years ago. The whole story of me and him would sound unbelievable. This guy is 27 years older than me. At first everything was cool, but this guy I noticed gossiped about each and every last person we knew. Every last soul, so obviously he's the type to talk behind my back too.
I think he had Napoleon syndrome for being short. Always wanted to dominate and rule. He scored his inheritance and the money seemed to have gotten to his head so he'd do things as a flex. "Hey man, want to make some money ? Wash my car ? I be like sure, it's right there parked in front of the house on the street, the water hose can reach. He'd sit in the front and watch me wash his car, and everytime I participated I'd meet someone new, sometimes older women that strangely felt like they were meant for him to meet, and we'd smile and chat while I'm smearing circles of soap on his car.
After some months every woman on the street knew me it seemed. Some woman we met walking her dog, she got hurt when she saw my GF after I've been to her place ><, what can I say ? My ex came back. Yulia, nice French woman was mad at me for not calling. Just female attention, and I'm not really a chick magnet, I was just on a winning streak, I was in my prime years so yeah. He'd say to me how pointless it is to be in relationships. He saw me break up with my ex. she comes back, the woman next door out of the blue became somewhat attached, and he'd say things to her like "If your family enjoying the TV I gave you ?" Or she'd come over to practice bandaging a broken arm on me, and he'd step in and be all, I know how to do it, I'll show you, and she'd just look at him like, no thanks. One time he shook her up acting all happy, for attention, It was awkward. Like you don't touch another man's female company.
He was an intellectual, and a movie freak. We're in a townhouse and he's blasting his movies loud enough to shake the house. Neighbor calls me and asks to turn it down. I asked him to turn it down and he's like "Why !? Cause you're on the phone !? I say no cause the neighbor is being disturbed. Oh, he'd turn it down a notch. I'd have company and he'd invite them to watch a movie. It was kinda disgusting how he watched movies one after another, 3AM "Hey guys wanna watch another movie ?" So I'd get annoyed whenever my company obliged him and instead of interacting it would turn into "shut up and watch" time. At the time Internet was limited so I got kicked off lol stuck with my 1GB of Data mobile plan.
I noticed every time I was in the washroom he would knock asking how long I'll be. I also observed him do this to the other guy 10 minutes after he did it to me. Doesn't matter if we were in the shower or what, this guy will come knocking. He liked when people would move out of his way.
We used to take turns buying toilet paper. 3 of us. This guy was like it's your turn.... Okay I get Cashmere. Then it's someone's turn, then it's my turn again, and a cycle of those 2 pitching in and me buying solo kept on cycling. Some woman I met who lives down the block is chilling on a bench across from the house obviously for me. He did everything to cut me down. Yeah I left. Years later he contacts me to see how I'm doing. Sure sure no problem, let's go out to eat. I go to the house and I see my replacement. DJ. Very loud, heavy drinker. Annoys him to no end. He asks with a grin, "Does she still call you" I say yes. His face went sad, even worried. Up to this day I wonder what he said to her while I was away. I then give him updates on how life is going and he's like "Damn it's nice when people love you", The last time I heard from him, don't remember the year, but this guy texted me a Merry Christmas and I said nothing back. He knows I don't Christmas.
This can be really long, but the point is, a frenemy is temporary. Was enjoying my time there, and I enjoyed seeing his schemes against me backfire until I had my fill. I don't want to boast but I do seem to be fortunate even when things get hard, this guy would have days where he's down, saying how he just doesn't look the part. Mentally weak narcissistic man. I won't see him again, don't know if he's alive, and if I did, I won't pretend we're good old pals. He would know this, and he probably doesn't want to see me either, I think he would feel small. And he's smaller than he thinks I know of him too. I watched this guy walk by, pick up a brand new shirt I got, walked outside with it and put it in the back of his car, not noticing I watched the whole thing,.
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Don't tell me you never been through something similar with someone Gypsy.
This can be really long, but the point is, a frenemy is temporary. Was enjoying my time there, and I enjoyed seeing his schemes against me backfire until I had my fill. I don't want to boast but I do seem to be fortunate even when things get hard, this guy would have days where he's down, saying how he just doesn't look the part. Mentally weak narcissistic man. I won't see him again, don't know if he's alive, and if I did, I won't pretend we're good old pals. He would know this, and he probably doesn't want to see me either, I think he would feel small. And he's smaller than he thinks I know of him too. I watched this guy walk by, pick up a brand new shirt I got, walked outside with it and put it in the back of his car, not noticing I watched the whole thing.
This is another status narrative where everyone supposedly orbits you. The women want you, the housemate envies you, and years later you imagine he would still feel small around you. You condemn him for domination, then end by attempting to place yourself above him. “Frenemy” serves the same purpose as “vampire”: the other person gets all the weakness and pathology, while your role becomes proof of your importance.
This can be really long, but the point is, a frenemy is temporary. Was enjoying my time there, and I enjoyed seeing his schemes against me backfire until I had my fill. I don't want to boast but I do seem to be fortunate even when things get hard, this guy would have days where he's down, saying how he just doesn't look the part. Mentally weak narcissistic man. I won't see him again, don't know if he's alive, and if I did, I won't pretend we're good old pals. He would know this, and he probably doesn't want to see me either, I think he would feel small. And he's smaller than he thinks I know of him too. I watched this guy walk by, pick up a brand new shirt I got, walked outside with it and put it in the back of his car, not noticing I watched the whole thing.
This is another status narrative where everyone supposedly orbits you.
Yes. Orbiting is a real thing. Don't exaggerate what I've said though, it's not like I'm drawing crowds here, I'm just dealing with people who are there, plus I was writing about my experiences with a frenemy.
The women want you, the housemate envies you, and years later you imagine he would still feel small around you.
I did mention I'm not a chick magnet, I was just on a roll, as I should've been at that time. I was in my mid 30's. That a man's prime.
You condemn him for domination, then end by attempting to place yourself above him. “Frenemy” serves the same purpose as “vampire”: the other person gets all the weakness and pathology, while your role becomes proof of your importance.
- They buy toilet paper together, then it's my turn to buy, and I supply the most = This is abusive is it not ?
- I got the blame for using up the limited internet data while he watched 4 movies a day or more = Okay, Not exactly worthy of praise here
- I'm on a roll meeting all these women AFTER getting dumped. Ex comes back, girl next door, the one down the street, down the block, the cat lady, the dog lady, people I met while washing his car my guests were all female.
- Harassing not just me, but the other guy and guests in the washroom. Like dude, You just took a piss and 10 minutes later I hear you pounding away on the bathroom door with the same script.
- Talking behind my back. I actually walked in on him venting about me to the other guy there.
- While he never noticed I was in the corner, I watched him as he was passing by pick up a brand new shirt of mine, walk out the front door and put it in the back seat of his car. Just got it, and never saw the shirt again.
It's not up to me to reach out nor would I like to at this point. That guy by definition of the word is a frenemy.
Also. My role is important. It's important for growth. How I handle toxic people doesn't create entanglements.
That guy lost to his desires. Mental weakness. You're carrying on as if I should respect the guy.