I am afraid of the future
this is the only legitimate fear or worry you have. all the other stuff is stupid (no offense) meaningless 'what i should be' stuff. everyone does it, that doesn't make it any less pointless. you have to learn to accept yourself, stop comparing yourself to others, especially for superficial shit.
It’s not a matter of legitimacy of illegitimacy or minimizing my claims.
I am lost. I have fallen through the cracks (of society) and if I don’t get redeem myself fast I will tank. I haven’t put an expiration date on this yet but I’m trying and I’m up at night over this
I was afraid of being alone I think. I am not alone by choice. I was an only child so it was that much harder. And by being afraid (I had redeemed myself med student and so on) I pinned myself in a bad position where it is that much harder
It’s not a matter of legitimacy of illegitimacy or minimizing my claims.
I am lost. I have fallen through the cracks (of society) and if I don’t get redeem myself fast I will tank. I haven’t put an expiration date on this yet but I’m trying and I’m up at night over this
I was afraid of being alone I think. I am not alone by choice. I was an only child so it was that much harder. And by being afraid (I had redeemed myself med student and so on) I pinned myself in a bad position where it is that much harder
you haven't fallen through any cracks, you just keep catastrophising(?) and having some narcissistic expectations of yourself, probably encouraged by your parents. when you learn to accept yourself you will not be up at night worrying about shit that really doesn't matter beyond being able to show off at the local church and say that your son is training to be a doctor or some shit lmao
It’s not a matter of legitimacy of illegitimacy or minimizing my claims.
I am lost. I have fallen through the cracks (of society) and if I don’t get redeem myself fast I will tank. I haven’t put an expiration date on this yet but I’m trying and I’m up at night over this
I was afraid of being alone I think. I am not alone by choice. I was an only child so it was that much harder. And by being afraid (I had redeemed myself med student and so on) I pinned myself in a bad position where it is that much harder
you haven't fallen through any cracks, you just keep catastrophising(?) and having some narcissistic expectations of yourself, probably encouraged by your parents. when you learn to accept yourself you will not be up at night worrying about shit that really doesn't matter beyond being able to show off at the local church and say that your son is training to be a doctor or some shit lmao
It’s funny my parents were relatively hands off. They never grounded me. I ran away a lot. I always studied when I was very young but no one ever put my nose to the grindstone. Then when I didn’t study in high school but graduated in three years my dad was always very absent. At one point he was writing a patent law text and he basically ignored me. I can feel my dad looking down on me saying I am writing this to get back at him so I’ll quit. One more thing. He said I came to him in high school asking for help with math with snot running out of my nose, I had a cold or something and he said it was right before the exam. I always thought my dad ignored me just when I reached puberty, but I have no verification of this. Then I stopped coming to him for awhile. He actually tutored me later but it was like too little too late.
My point was my parents didn’t expect anything of me as you say. For awhile I was self driven and when I fell off the mark they were rather self absorbed. They weren’t the typical millennial parents who pushed one into extracurriculars and overscheduled their child, like the Tiger Mothers.
While I'm not immediately sure how it could be done, I would recommend in your case that you learn how to appreciate small accomplishments, both for them being small and for them still otherwise being an accomplishment. At the end of the day it still represents incremental progress, a stepping stone towards a larger body of work, kind of like gaining experience points in League of Legends back when you still played that.
You have a bit of a feast or famine mindset when it comes to success, this idea that it must be perfect or it's failure or settling. There's a lot of gray between that black and white, and before one can run one has to walk, before that crawling and before that tumbling around awkwardly. Most things in life tend to work as a gradual learning curve rather than being born with a superpower.
Everything is built out of pieces, and no one's a master on their first day.
Needless to say I had a really close relationship with my dad, closer than my mother. My dad actually talked to me. This was just punctuated by periods in my life where he really didn’t step up
My point was my parents didn’t expect anything of me as you say. For awhile I was self driven and when I fell off the mark they were rather self absorbed. They weren’t the typical millennial parents who pushed one into extracurriculars and overscheduled their child, like the Tiger Mothers.
if ur parents didnt push u like this, why are u so hard on yourself? you have this weird idea that time is running out for you to create a new element or smth lol
imagine having to worry about paying rent, bills, etc. you should appreciate what a good position you're in, and also be so proud of yourself with how well you have done lately in opening up and challenging your own mindset.
Med, if you really wanted to turn your life around you would tell your doctor the truth. There is just no way you are telling her the true extend of your obsession and stalking behaviors which means you are manipulating her so she enables whatever you think you are doing. You can tell your family that you are in therapy and you do not have to change anything. No professional would continue to treat you because you are non-compliant continuing your maladaptive behavior patterns etc. Either you are lying to your doctor or it is a 2 minutes every 3 months prescription renewal thing where he or she cashes 150$ and doesn't give a fuck. In any case it has not been working for you, so it is a waste of time. It is obvious you should not be given large amounts of money and if you manage to convince your doctor to support you with this your family should sue them. If you would be this non-compliant and non-cooperative in therapy with me I would know after 10 sessions and kick you out. I am 100% sure that any serious practitioner would do the same because anything else would not be ethical and would just waste resources.
