Sociopath Community

I know that Turncoat says that it comes from having a "god complex" but why do I have one ?  some people have thought that it comes from insecurity but wouldn't insecurity cause me to feel the opposite subconsciously ?

It seems for me that subconsciously I believe that I genuinely am worthy of being worshipped by all of humanity and that I should be worshipped by all of humanity

meanwhile like with narcissism and stuff that stuff stems from being insecure and not genuinely feeling worthy of any of this,  but putting on a front  (albeit a very fragile front)  that they believe the same thing that I believe about myself subconsciously,  but they do not actually believe the same thing that I believe about myself subconsciously

soo again,   what the fuck ?  why am I different like this ?

also I become in an absolute jealous hateful rage internally when I am not given the worship and praise that I feel entitled to  this seems problematic and kind of scary  but this is me,  this is my true subconscious self  what the fuck am I supposed to do to try to fix or correct this ?  it seems to have been driving me my entire life

I know that I am not the only one who has noticed this about me,  I have heard superiority complex thrown around too lol  but like this seems to be the entirety of my being like this seems to be who I am in my subconscious soo what am I supposed to do how do I fix this ?  how do I stop believing this when not believing it feels inaccurate to me  and whyy should other people be allowed to tell me that I am not allowed to feel this way about myself like what the fuck  I do not really have a choice when it is my inner truth and would it be better if I was an insecure coper like a narcissist is ?  why should I force myself to be fake instead of the real me ?

stupid Turncoat,  claiming that I would never face my shadows when I did and continue to do so and this is like the most overpowering shadow that I have  and it does not even seem to be stemming from trauma or insecurity soo what do I do about it what the fuck

this is my genuine inner truth and idk what to do about it  and this is not fun for me it is actually really heartbreaking and scary

and my significant other is going to need to be understanding of this and supportive of this,  because it is an intrinsic part of me and honestly I do not think that it can be changed,  because trying to change it would result in inauthenticity to my true self

https://sociopathcommunity.com/Forum/Topic/25772/1/my-official-mental-illness-diagnosis-is-inverted-narcissism#post173357

update:  https://sociopathcommunity.com/Forum/Topic/25773/1/i-am-officially-every-disorder-in-the-dsm-traited-p  :p

I am feeling soo confused and I am having a mental breakdown