Sociopath Community

Turncoat said: 

I have doubts that it will happen, but as a thought exercise what would you recommend to accomplish being less critical of other people? 

Faiths that practice detachment, of letting go of one's worldly tethers, seem to find value in trivializing the human experience. I've found it more natural to do the opposite, to delve into it headfirst to the point of people hating my questions, but past a point the questions feel more important than the people. 

Much like Jackie Chan's character in Forbidden Kingdom, or Iroh from Avatar, I question how anyone is supposed to let go of the human experience or why there's even value there beyond momentary comfort. 

 I noticed you like to approach every statement from somebody else as an excuse to contradict and flash your whataboutitis around. To a point where you make some rlly absurd statements that will sometimes contradict what you said last week or last month.

Just stop doing that, smile and nod, read some Dale Carnegie and find excuses to agree with the person and tell them how awesome they are.

Forget all the eastern mysticism. That shit only works for self acceptance. Other people will constantly undermine what you try to do to like them, so approach your goal incrementally. Find a few little things about them that are exceptional, and be sincere about it. Then build on it as much as you can.

Xena said: 

Just stop doing that, smile and nod, read some Dale Carnegie and find excuses to agree with the person and tell them how awesome they are.

 No.

lol I wasn't talking to you.

You're not the one who asked for suggestions  :P

I've dealt with this problem for a really long time. I felt like I wanted to be authentic. I get how criticism can distance people, and I used to feel resentful whenever that happened. I'm quite autistic to the point of analysing conversations and expressions very meticulously. I pay much attention to how people behave, so I have a good mental record of how people behave when they receive criticism. When I resisted the urge of speaking my mind, I suddenly had a lot more friends, but I felt lonely, like I wasn't accepted for who I was. People just catered to those around them that sucked up to them. I never sucked up to my boss, either, and I never yielded to authority.

I don't think my problem was ever that I was critical, it's how I came across that set people off. I'm about as critical now as I was then, but people tend to be grateful for my feedback.

Xena said: 

lol I wasn't talking to you.

You're not the one who asked for suggestions  :P

 That line i isolated isn't anything to do with being less critical and more to do with finding excuses to make someone else feel good by not addressing what the person wrote or posted (if we speak about the forum specifically). At that point why engage a person at all. 

There's nothing wrong with being critical at times as long as it's not your entire personality

If you would like serious advice, then what worked for me was installing "FitNotes" on my phone. It's a Gym app, but you can program it for other things as well. Just delete the usual routines from there, so instead of deadlifts replace the tasks with stuff like "Duchenne smile in front of a mirror" and then gradually track your progress from 5 minutes per day to 6, 7, 8, etc, until you reach 20 minutes with 5 sets; supplement with protein drinks to train your cheek muscles. Then log your personal conversations with people.

You can have categories like "compliments." I recommend trying to reach a stat of 2 compliments for every critical note, to keep things positive. You can put criticism into a few categories: Attacking ideas, attacking people, and giving improvement suggestions. You can also keep two categories for these to keep track of progress; since attacking people < attacking ideas < improvement suggestions, you can score them accordingly. So you have stuff like "framed a personal attack in terms of attacking ideas" +1 score, "framed an idea attack in terms of an improvement suggestion" +2 scores, "started with giving positive feedback first before being critical" +1 score, "respected the time it took for the other person to come up with the idea before criticising it" +1 score, and "demonstrated that I understood where the person was coming from before going awol" +1 score. Over time, you should aim to bump up your stats. You can also have sub-categories like physical touch, kiss +1, hug +2, and slept with the person before criticizing them +10. Love hormones usually offset those hateful thoughts associated with someone breaking our ego.

Bitch said:

When I resisted the urge of speaking my mind, I suddenly had a lot more friends, but I felt lonely, like I wasn't accepted for who I was.

Lenalee said: 

Xena said: 

lol I wasn't talking to you.

You're not the one who asked for suggestions  :P

 That line i isolated isn't anything to do with being less critical and more to do with finding excuses to make someone else feel good by not addressing what the person wrote or posted (if we speak about the forum specifically). At that point why engage a person at all. 

There's nothing wrong with being critical at times as long as it's not your entire personality

 I know that. 

That's why I name dropped Dale Carnegie.

How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a classic.

I'm not talking about the forum. Idgaf about this place.

I'm talking about life.

What's wrong with finding excuses to make somebody else feel good?

You think that's so wrong that it's better not to engage the person at all?

Do you see how messed up that is?

To be so against the simple little act of being nice that you would just rather not talk to anybody?

Xena said: 

Lenalee said: 

Xena said: 

lol I wasn't talking to you.

You're not the one who asked for suggestions  :P

 That line i isolated isn't anything to do with being less critical and more to do with finding excuses to make someone else feel good by not addressing what the person wrote or posted (if we speak about the forum specifically). At that point why engage a person at all. 

There's nothing wrong with being critical at times as long as it's not your entire personality

 I know that. 

That's why I name dropped Dale Carnegie.

How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a classic.

 

I'm not talking about the forum. Idgaf about this place.

I'm talking about life.

 

What's wrong with finding excuses to make somebody else feel good?

You think that's so wrong that it's better not to engage the person at all?

Do you see how messed up that is?

To be so against the simple little act of being nice that you would just rather not talk to anybody?

Idk that book I've never read it

 Irl that's my answer too. If you won't speak honestly to them and instead opt for false vapid flattery what's the point of even engaging them? Why is upon anyone else to make you feel good? Would you not question why they are trying to make you feel good without addressing anything solid of what you've said? 

I don't think it's messed to simply not engage someone if you feel you can't have a real conversation with them.

It's not even being against the "the act of being nice" its just basic respect isn't it, to give out a sincere human response.

Turncoat said: 

Bitch said:

When I resisted the urge of speaking my mind, I suddenly had a lot more friends, but I felt lonely, like I wasn't accepted for who I was.

I moreso started by resisting the urge, and then around college I found it a lot more freeing to just say stuff. 

Most of the catastrophizing I'd done in my head over why I needed to inhibit that area ended up way exaggerated compared to the otherwise tolerable reality. While being honest with people does have it's costs, I began to see the cost as higher to maintain faux-friendship upkeep. 

Do you have a concrete example of how your criticism has damaged your relationships?