Sociopath Community

Deja vu 

This dream I had I can’t believe, I’m currently hoping to conceive, but the dream it wasn’t about the man, it was about another man taking my hand. In Vegas was the wedding held, but there was discussion about how I felt. They asked why I ditched one for another, when one was fat and not the other. I said he was perfect and not fat anymore, and that conversation was closed like a door.

I just remembered that dream and Deja vu too it seems. I remember remembering and having no one to tell but I don’t remember writing this well. The dream it wasn’t scary you see, it was just about me looking out for me. For I got everything I wanted and nothing I didn’t, who would have thought I would be able to win it?

Crappy days

My brain it is broken like a shattered vase, because for some reason, my problems I must face. The sorrow I feel won’t allow me to chill, so I feel like I will have to kill. Kill what? My future of course, but who is my future but the one I love the most? Could I really make him a ghost? No, but the imagery still goes, as I must kill the relationship because I’m scared of always saying who knows.

The issue is there’s nothing to kill, so what thrill do I get from making it real? All I’ll do is murder it so why start if I’m just going to quit? What have I ever done that I completed? All I ever do is get defeated. Before I start I’m falling apart so all I can do is break his heart.

But why would I do that when all I’ll want is to win him back? Can I ever live without knowing if my love I was meant to give? The answer is no, but I’m kind of slow and honestly get bored if things are in a row. Without outward drama, the drama is within and I can’t keep living with all of this sin. 

I’m thinking wrong, I’m lusting long. I can’t help but want sex, how do I know who is next? If this falls apart, I’ll be right back to the start with no one lined up to play the part. This has to work out or my faith I will doubt, for God said this would end my love drought.

If I can hold on for just a second too long, I can be with him and never be gone. I love him but my life seems so dim. I can’t see what the future holds or if I’ll be too late to call him home. Will I see him again, will I ever move in? Why are there so many questions within? My patience is wearing thin and I’m losing my ability to grin.

I feel like a part of me will die if I don’t have sex and I don’t know why. I need my guy and I don’t want to lie, so I take back “my.” I’m dying inside from fear and pride because the unknown makes me want to cry. These crappy days are just a phase on my way to a better gaze. 

Pokémon Go just goes to show that I am just a stupid ho. I lose and I lose like my baby loses her shoes and I can’t seem to stop. The stupid clock hits on the dot and I’m blown away by a crack pot. They kill me with their charged attacks and put my Pokémon on their backs. They cheat with their fast charging and their cheating barging as they get their attack off before mine. I swear I clicked it first, can it even get any worse?

 They killed one, they killed two what am I supposed to do? All I have left is a pikachu, what the heck am I supposed to do with you? Do I shield, do I not? Does it even matter if it’s hot? It does and it does not because the Pokémon might rot from the heat or it might be taught not to claim defeat. But what does it matter if all they do is cheat?

My charged attack didn’t go, but they got theirs, oh no! Then it’s back to the battle, but now my attack it has to stratal. I didn’t want it until after this Pokémon battled. I knew I got it first, why didn’t it start when it was rattled? Now it’s wasted and the win I would have tasted has gone the way of my charged attach, erased it. 

The battle was fun but at what cost? Now what have I lost? I lost my rank, my score it will tank and my pride it’s broken like a termite infested plank. I can’t play any more or I’ll throw my phone on the floor. I can’t open the door, I’m going to play some more. This better not mess up my score!!!

NotCS said: 

 They killed one, they killed two what am I supposed to do? All I have left is a pikachu,

Sitting in here, sitting in fear, sitting and waiting for you to come here. Will it ever be? We have to just wait and see, but the doubt is so great and it coming after me. It won’t let me go, it’s got me in tow. I can’t breath, why can’t this just be for show? If it’s real it makes me want to blow because it’s too far away for me to even know.

The ability to love is a waste of time, when all you do is wait in line. To see the one that you supposedly love, right before he hangs out with a scrub. Maybe it’s a girl but she makes me want to hurl. She makes me feel like our love will unfurl. 

The days they are long, the months feel like years, so all I can do is hold back tears. I have some more to say, but I can’t stay, for my heart is calling me away.

What am I doing with all of my life? I have a guy why won’t that suffice? God the sex is so good the mere mention of it gives me chills, but is it worth losing a husband just to have a night of frills? Or even worse is it really just frills or is my life a lie and I’m fueling the feels? 

Maybe the feels are why I can’t wait, I want to commit but I can’t shake the date. It’s so far and we aren’t even tied down, so technically I can mess around, but I promised not to, even though I knew I would, but if I submit and call myself a liar, is that any good? I’ll still be sad waiting for the day that you can take my sorrows away. Because I know you are good for me and I know that I want you, but I can’t just wait and see if you will always be there for me. Could you even love me, or is that just a lie?

The questions I don’t know the answer to, are all because of you. I don’t know what you’re thinking, I don’t know if you care, but all I know is that you aren’t there and that leaves me lonely and in despair. I need some company and I love the sex, so I might have to be with a guy I wish I could call my ex. 

I still love you and always will, but I might have to go with the everlasting thrill. I hope you don’t hate me and will just be chill, but if not I hope you’ll just take a pill because we both know long distance isn’t going to work, so why are the trappings there on the lurk? I want sex and I want it now, so either let me or get over here somehow. It’s not even about sex but somehow it is. I just crave it when I’m thinking about his…

Again I must decide what lies inside and see how I feel so that I can even deal. I can’t figure out what I want or what this is about. All I know is this is my way out. Is it a trap if it’s for the best? Would he give up for me all of the rest? Will he be sad that I don’t want to murder, all I want to do is to make sure no one hurts her. 

Is it meant to be if it is? Or is it the remnants of a fleeting state like fizz? Was that state of mind just a hope or was it like in a story and just a trope? Was the trap that was set done by me, or was it Devine and set by He? Can we afford to care why it is here? Or even have time to examine a mirror?

i don’t know how I feel. I don’t know if this is real, but I know I just want to disappear, and pretend none of this is real. There’s more uncertainty, but also less. I guess my faith is being put to the test. I know what I must do and how to do it, but can I really even get through it? Alone I know I can’t, but will he step up and be there despite how much I rant? Will he forgive me for pushing his buttons, if he finds out it’s just because we are gluttons and I love him with all of my heart and I have since the start? 

I wonder how annoying these poems are to people. Apparently I’m pretty obvious with how I feel and what these are about, so I probably just seem crazy and obsessive. Hmm 🤔 Oh well. 

Bored

Life is amazing and life is short. I don’t have much to report. My life is boring and long and if it were a movie, people would be snoring and then they’d all be gone. 

what do I do to pass the time? What is as fun as committing a crime? When can I be free of this burden on me when it’s been here for almost an eternity. 

the same old thing every day, not much more I can say. I’m exhausted but I want to play because I know I’ll be dead one day. 

Great times

Great times are coming, no need for running. I have what I need and don’t need to feed on other people’s seed 😜 I found what I’m looking for, what an amazing score! I can’t wait to walk through the door and finally be shook to my core because when all I want is more, I act just like a whore, but now that I made it, there’s no need to make it fit.

I found the right guy, have sight in my right eye, feel like I’m going to fly, instead of wishing that I die. I have my baby, I have another one, maybe. I finally feel like life is gravy. My future is up in the air, but I don’t even care, because in this moment, my life is pretty fair. I struggle every day, but I always get my way because God is with me each and every day. 

As long as I love him and I pray, he will always make a way because he knows what we need and that we need to feed, our souls and reach our goals in order to avoid the potholes. God is not moved by need, but by faith, so we need to foster it so it can grow, even if it’s just an eighth. My life is so great because I have faith and because I know that my God has given me grace. 

Christmas

Christmas was magical because I was with you. We made the best of the time when we had nothing else to do. You took great care of my baby, and me too maybe 😁

You met my family, I met yours, we didn’t play games or keep any scores. We loved each other and made it well known, we will never be okay with being on our own. Although your parents think it wasn’t on purpose, we both know those words were worthless.

My mom is not happy, which is pretty crappy, but I’m sure she will like you because you are with me. I love you and can’t wait to be with you forever, this will be soon or sometime or whatever. All I know is that we will be together.