Sociopath Community

NotCS said: 

Lenalee said: 

NotCS said: 

Lenalee said: 

Idk how you think anyone else could interpret what you said and with your actions it feels like you do want her to suffer. As you have suffered.

 I said it was a fantasy FOR ME. I have a rape fantasy for myself. Natural human instincts are to make your children better than you. I am how I am because I was raped and I don’t want that to happen to her because I want her to be happy forever. It’s a basic instinct. If I have nothing else, I have that basic instinct. I know you wouldn’t know because you’re not a mother, but it’s why I wanted to have a boy. Boys are easier to take care of because no one wants to rape them, or at least less people do.

If you had any motherly instincts you would have gotten your shit together instead of taking out loans to go meet men from this forum. You wouldn't be constantly drunk around your kid and you wouldn't be putting her in situations where she could be abused, sexually or physically.

I am never going to let anything bad happen to her. That’s what I am saying about my daughter. I never said anything to the contrary and my actions show that I am always there for her. I was there and didn’t leave her alone with anyone except Trypt and I trusted Trypt and he did nothing sexual to her. He isn’t like that and if anything, he is into older people, like 17, as his posts stated and only to groom them for when they turn of legal age, so he is not a pedo at all.

He literally admitted to watching child pornography because he was curious. He's in his 30s, talking about grooming a 17 year old child.

He just wants them at the legal age when he is allowed to have feelings for them. Chapo just was touching himself and she happened to be in the area because I was watching her.  I removed her from the area and left so he could touch himself. He isn’t a pedo and would never touch my child. He had an incident with pee and that was about his pee fetish and not about a kid. No matter what, I’ll be there to protect her.

I thought you just said this never happened?

You keep lying and rearranging your story.

I work from home and will always be there for her. Don’t question my devotion to protecting her because that’s the only thing I’m focused on, other than her happiness, which is tied into that. Now you have direct confirmation that I would never let anything happen to her so shut your fat ugly mouth and quote something good for once you ugly cunt. Sorry, this makes me really angry because this is literally the only thing I care about. 

 If you had any devotion to protecting your daughter you wouldn't be going to Chapo. You'd be working on your addictions and trying to find a stable job so you could have a roof over both your heads and instead you make plans for visiting chapo, tryp and at one point matrix. You're not interested in having your daughter back, you're interested in getting fucked.

 I took out loans for school and had extra money to go meet people you dumb bitch. I’m not drunk around her anymore, nor am I ever going to drink again. I am better and don’t take her with me anymore and it’s not because I don’t have her. I am getting everything stable and thanks to you faggots I can’t even be with chapo anymore, so if I’m pregnant I’ll be a single mom with two kids now. Thanks a lot. If you cared about anyone other than yourself, you’d know that I’m doing better and that nothing that was said to have happened, happened the way that it was said. And I never touched my baby while I had sex with anyone. That was a complete and total lie. I am tired of you people being so stupid and believing such terrible things. You’re that stupid, I guess.

 Lmao you told everyone here you took out loans and used them to finance your travels. You're not drunk around her because they took her away from you. You can't take her anywhere because she's not with you.

What, why are you blaming us for your incompetence? Surely you knew what a condom was. 

You keep saying things were a lie and then you go back and prove they weren't and then you claim they were a lie again.

Chapo said it himself, twice even. 

Lmao you told everyone here you took out loans and used them to finance your travels. You're not drunk around her because they took her away from you. You can't take her anywhere because she's not with you.

What, why are you blaming us for your incompetence? Surely you knew what a condom was.

You keep saying things were a lie and then you go back and prove they weren't and then you claim they were a lie again.

Chapo said it himself, twice even.

And in the meantime you're watching shit porn on Discord and thirsting over married men.

Lenalee said: 

NotCS said: 

Lenalee said: 

NotCS said: 

Lenalee said: 

Idk how you think anyone else could interpret what you said and with your actions it feels like you do want her to suffer. As you have suffered.

 I said it was a fantasy FOR ME. I have a rape fantasy for myself. Natural human instincts are to make your children better than you. I am how I am because I was raped and I don’t want that to happen to her because I want her to be happy forever. It’s a basic instinct. If I have nothing else, I have that basic instinct. I know you wouldn’t know because you’re not a mother, but it’s why I wanted to have a boy. Boys are easier to take care of because no one wants to rape them, or at least less people do.

If you had any motherly instincts you would have gotten your shit together instead of taking out loans to go meet men from this forum. You wouldn't be constantly drunk around your kid and you wouldn't be putting her in situations where she could be abused, sexually or physically.

I am never going to let anything bad happen to her. That’s what I am saying about my daughter. I never said anything to the contrary and my actions show that I am always there for her. I was there and didn’t leave her alone with anyone except Trypt and I trusted Trypt and he did nothing sexual to her. He isn’t like that and if anything, he is into older people, like 17, as his posts stated and only to groom them for when they turn of legal age, so he is not a pedo at all.

He literally admitted to watching child pornography because he was curious. He's in his 30s, talking about grooming a 17 year old child.

He just wants them at the legal age when he is allowed to have feelings for them. Chapo just was touching himself and she happened to be in the area because I was watching her.  I removed her from the area and left so he could touch himself. He isn’t a pedo and would never touch my child. He had an incident with pee and that was about his pee fetish and not about a kid. No matter what, I’ll be there to protect her.

I thought you just said this never happened?

You keep lying and rearranging your story.

I work from home and will always be there for her. Don’t question my devotion to protecting her because that’s the only thing I’m focused on, other than her happiness, which is tied into that. Now you have direct confirmation that I would never let anything happen to her so shut your fat ugly mouth and quote something good for once you ugly cunt. Sorry, this makes me really angry because this is literally the only thing I care about. 

 If you had any devotion to protecting your daughter you wouldn't be going to Chapo. You'd be working on your addictions and trying to find a stable job so you could have a roof over both your heads and instead you make plans for visiting chapo, tryp and at one point matrix. You're not interested in having your daughter back, you're interested in getting fucked.

 I took out loans for school and had extra money to go meet people you dumb bitch. I’m not drunk around her anymore, nor am I ever going to drink again. I am better and don’t take her with me anymore and it’s not because I don’t have her. I am getting everything stable and thanks to you faggots I can’t even be with chapo anymore, so if I’m pregnant I’ll be a single mom with two kids now. Thanks a lot. If you cared about anyone other than yourself, you’d know that I’m doing better and that nothing that was said to have happened, happened the way that it was said. And I never touched my baby while I had sex with anyone. That was a complete and total lie. I am tired of you people being so stupid and believing such terrible things. You’re that stupid, I guess.

 Lmao you told everyone here you took out loans and used them to finance your travels. You're not drunk around her because they took her away from you. You can't take her anywhere because she's not with you.

What, why are you blaming us for your incompetence? Surely you knew what a condom was. 

You keep saying things were a lie and then you go back and prove they weren't and then you claim they were a lie again.

Chapo said it himself, twice even. 

 I can take her wherever I want and you have no idea what you’re talking about. I took out loans for school and saved what I didn’t need, so I had money left to go on a trip. I didn’t take any loans out other than my student loans. Yet another thing you got wrong. Just mind your own business. You obviously suck at processing information. You know that Saint talk what you know? You know nothing so stop talking. 

Turncoat said: 

NotCS said: 

Lenalee said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lenalee said: 

Turncoat said: 

NotCS said: 

He had an incident with pee and that was about his pee fetish and not about a kid.

What? 

 She says his pee fetish but I'm pretty sure it's hers

There's a pee fetish at play here? 

 ...yes, she was drinking tryps pee, from both a bottle and his dick. 

 I was referring to chapo, but it’s okay 👌 

If you're doing piss stuff across multiple partners it kinda becomes your thing. 

Gross ugh why

 I was saying chapo had a pee thing and I want there. I don’t want to elaborate because it won’t even make a difference to you people because you are not very smart and don’t know how to reserve judgment until you actually know what happened.

The bottle though? 

Lying awake dreaming of life, what a stress induced dream, nightmare will suffice. The days they are long and the nights they never end, it’s another night that’s far from being my friend. The feelings they come, oh what a rush, when all I can see is my blood it will gush because all I want is my body to brush, up against the pavement, oh what a lush. 

To dream that dream, what a dream it would be because that’s what I call the great escape, you see. To feel such freedom from hurt and the pain, the freedom from even the failure and shame. Is to go about life again but no more, like going through a one way door. To say I wish and hope is a lie because I rather have a say in how I die.

 My time is soon the pain it won’t leave, because all I do is wear my heart on my sleeve. I try to function when all I do is fail,  like predicting the snow when all it does is hail. I can’t shake the feeling that I need a gun, the instantaneous death would be so fun. A second of hope that it will all end, gives you no time to think about the days you won’t spend. I can’t believe my life has come to this, what in the world did my upbringing miss?

I mope around hoping for the best, when all I get is the terrible rest. My eyes are heavy and my body is weak, but all I do is think and not sleep. I dream the dreams, no nightmares I think, then all I do is stare and not blink. The darkness inside will never leave, but I’m on the verge of a dooms day eve.

Am I or aren’t I? I feel like I’m going to die. I need the answer or I’ll cry. I can’t wait to know and I don’t know why. I feel some strange things, but I don’t want to pry, because I just don’t know what I want from this guy.

Does he love me, does he hate me? I just don’t know. Because his feelings he is not willing to show. Is he like me? Is he not? How would I ever know if the words that are needed have never been brought? 

Is it a trap if we agreed or is a trap that suits our need? Can it be if it wasn’t, or is it just me? For you see, I feel weird but for some reason my pee just doesn’t seem to say what I see. My tummy it hurts when I lay on it now but I can’t take a test because I just don’t know how. I’m poor and I don’t want to waste any money on answers not willing to be faced. 

I’m nauseous but I also stuff my face until I eat so much I can’t even taste. My back it hurts like there are rocks in my purse, but it can all be explained by the monthly thing that’s worse. For it comes every month and leaves nothing in it’s wake, I’m really not sure how many more I can take. The feeling is mutual, who knows how we feel, none of this is even close to being real. But if I am, I don’t know who to tell because they can make my life a living he**.

My time with Chapo

Awkward at times, we sat there as silent as mimes, but we knew we were safe and loved, like Michael Jackson’s lines. The conversations they were real like the consequences if you steal, and the sex it was amazing like a good steak, it was worth waiting. The drugs they were okay, but I think they’re partly to blame for the feelings he felt, which I thought were lame.

He felt bad about himself and I thought something else because he’s perfect in every way and he made me want to stay. Although we are not perfect we both think we are worth it. We will fix our issues and learn not to misuse the trust that we will someday foster. The love we share will erase from our roster any people we would have otherwise entertained. These past few weeks have been insane. It’s like a harsh winter came.

I was blown away by jealousy because of what he means to me. Not just a good lay, but a father, a husband, but first my bae. His family I love more than my own, I wish they were really his to loan. But once we are married, our families will become one, and they will show my family how to have fun. Unconditional love is the name of the game, we both want it, which is part of what makes us the same. 

The feelings we crave we get from each other, but probably wish we could get them from another. Since this doesn’t seem possible, we stick to what we know because while our relationship is complicated, it doesn’t seem tossable. We cling to each other like a flea to it’s host because we know that for some reason we love each other the most. 

Intimacy is a chore, but with him I want more. I want to know everything about him and I don’t want to skim. I love him with all of my heart and I never want us to be apart. He says he loves me and I don’t believe him but all I want to do is please him. I’ll get skinny and make him love me and put all of his needs above me.

He will help raise my child and ours too, even though at first he won’t know what to do. If he doesn’t want our baby, I can take care of it, maybe, but I’ll be as blue as the navy. I want him to love me and be a part of my family so I hope he will not cheat on me if we get married, so we can live happily. 

Jesus Poem

I believe in Jesus, I believe that he freed us. I believe that he is God, I believe that he saved us with his bod. I believe his blood washed us clean, I believe he has control of everything. I believe he made us pure. I believe he is the cure. I believe he took away the power of sin, I believe he will always win. I believe he will rise again.

 The sin it is not gone, but it’s power it is a con. For Jesus conquered death, which was all the devil had left. Our sins would have killed us, but for Jesus who healed us. He rose from the dead and turned sin on its head, for its power to kill was made nil. Now all who believe in what Jesus did, are as free as a kid because they will have eternal life, even if they are killed with a knife. 

God so loved us that he gave his only begotten son to show us he had already won. He became a lamb and let us ram, nails in his hands so we could be free from the ultimate result of sin and learn to live again. His love is unconditional, his presence invisible, but still physical. He lives within those who allow, and strives to be with those who are lost because he loves us all no matter what the cost. 

If we had half of his love for our selves or one another, we would call each other brother because we know we are all the same, I know it’s going to sound lame, but we are all children of God and we have drifted from the reality, which is pretty odd, but if we believe in his love and sacrifice, we will realize that will suffice because all we need is Jesus Christ. 

Missing someone

 The days they are so long, the nights are like a never ending song, they repeat the loneliness like I’ll always be alone in this. The feelings they linger like a smell does on your finger, but they hurt like denial into heaven and open wounds that never close like 7-11. 

The agony of separation is like failing in preparation because all else follows and the failure it so swallows. It consumes me like an apple picked from a tree, when all that is left is all that you see. It’s a broken piece of what used to be whole, but it looks just like a lonely soul. 

To be without him, it is a chore, but no matter what, I can’t seem to open the door. The door to our future awaits, but I can’t unlock the several gates. The door is guarded by circumstance, if only I would take a chance, but instead I lean on what I know, just wait around and keep being a hoe. The possibility of me becoming something with this he, is greater when I choose to see that our sex could eventually cause a we. 

To hope for a little one to come from our fun is to hope that our planet never reaches the sun. Is it really inevitable if we don’t see it, or is it like the possibly growing fetus? Reality says negative, but science says positive, just wait for the day when the sun has nothing left to give. Will it expand to dissolve the earth, or will it extend its worth and drench it in warmth for an eternity with its girth. 

The hope is for the earth and the Sun to never unite into one, for this would mean our lives are set and there would be no regret. If this doesn’t occur I’m positively sure that we will grow apart and be as we were in the start. Not knowing each other or the love we could give, not really knowing how to live. We can only learn this from each other because we have unconditional love for one another.

We don’t like how the other appears, but we can’t help but feel like we’ve known each other for years. The love it is there because there’s no other person who wishes to bear. We throw our love at one another and wish that we could see each other, but we need that unity of the sun and the earth to be less than just what science is worth. We need that reality never to be so we can see that our love it has conceived.