Okay, the only reason I brought up these personal things I don’t normally talk about is because I thought it could help you in reasoning. But now I realize you are being unreasonable to begin wifh so, I won’t continue to further as I know it will just lead to more frustration.
There's a quote from The Brothers Karamazov that talks about people like him.
"A Man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he does not discern any truth either in himself or anywhere around him, and thus falls into disrespect towards himself and others.
Not respecting anyone he ceases to love, and having no love, he gives himself up to passions and coarse pleasures in order to occupy and amuse himself, and in his vices reaches complete beastiality, and it all comes from lying continually to others and himself"
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Of course I would swap the word beastiality for transsexuality.
And ironically I'm telling you about this cause you claim to be a lesbian when you're really bisexual !