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Those of you with bp disorder or substance use issues


Posts: 936

What is it you think about your upbringing or something in your upbringing that made you this way?

Or Is it better to blame it on biology (as for alcoholism) and not kick yourself for choice/s you made or to try to place blame?

please share 

last edit on 4/14/2021 2:04:41 AM
Posts: 16942
0 votes RE: Those of you with bp di...

BPD is something you're born with, substance abuse is acquired. 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
Posts: 936
0 votes RE: Those of you with bp di...

I had a very elegant upbringing. I was an only child. My father was a PhD physicist who became chief patent attorney. Total renaissance man by interests but not the most social and no community. They say it comes from his side. His brother was Harvard and Harvard Law. I ran away a lot to seek out what I missed.

It is so compelling to get stuck in placing blame: my background was this, my parents were xyz way versus as for al-anon or narc-anon way recognizing a predisposition biologically.

Do you agree for yourself?

Have been fortunate to be high-functioning and have made great success but I am also a quitter. 

What I have not reckoned with is a very narcissistic way of coping. In romantic relationships and other relationships I began to present interest in other person but share less of myself. But mysterious is not a good look in me. And I feel starved that way.

For those close to me, lucky to have some close family and friends also that will tolerate some self-absorption really most of the time which will lurch into discussions of the “traumas”. I don’t refer to them as traumas.

Friends won’t tolerate the narcissism. And I don’t want a therapist for romantic partner. Not to mention the stigma but less so now.

 

 

Affliction of the high IQ. Dr ugs sex reckless spending. The themes of the episodes may be the same every time and told to someone I trust but it won’t prevent them.

GI JOE AMERICAN HERO: knowing is half the battle.

 

how do you cope?

 

 

last edit on 4/14/2021 3:27:23 AM
Posts: 925
0 votes RE: Those of you with bp di...
Med said: 

I had a very elegant upbringing. I was an only child. My father was a PhD physicist who became chief patent attorney. Total renaissance man by interests but not the most social and no community. They say it comes from his side. His brother was Harvard and Harvard Law. I ran away a lot to seek out what I missed.

It is so compelling to get stuck in placing blame: my background was this, my parents were xyz way versus as for al-anon or narc-anon way recognizing a predisposition biologically.

Do you agree for yourself?

Have been fortunate to be high-functioning and have made great success but I am also a quitter. 

What I have not reckoned with is a very narcissistic way of coping. In romantic relationships and other relationships I began to present interest in other person but share less of myself. But mysterious is not a good look in me. And I feel starved that way.

For those close to me, lucky to have some close family and friends also that will tolerate some self-absorption really most of the time which will lurch into discussions of the “traumas”. I don’t refer to them as traumas.

Friends won’t tolerate the narcissism. And I don’t want a therapist for romantic partner. Not to mention the stigma but less so now.

Affliction of the high IQ. Dr ugs sex reckless spending. The themes of the episodes may be the same every time and told to someone I trust but it won’t prevent them.

GI JOE AMERICAN HERO: knowing is half the battle.

 

how do you cope?

 

 

 

 

Did you make this thread just so you could reply to your own question?

professional retard :)
Posts: 936
0 votes RE: Those of you with bp di...

I reply so others will reply.

Posts: 335
0 votes RE: Those of you with bp di...
Med said: 

What is it you think about your upbringing or something in your upbringing that made you this way?

Or Is it better to blame it on biology (as for alcoholism) and not kick yourself for choice/s you made or to try to place blame?

please share 

 I always wanted to try drugs because I didn’t believe they were all bad. I knew some of them had to be bad, but it’s impossible that they are all bad because if they were, no one would do them. If everyone died when they did drugs, we wouldn’t have any drug addicts. If everyone got addicted to every drug on the first try, then only people who wanted to get addicted would do them. If people want to get addicted, there must be something they get out of it. If there’s something they get out of it, then it must be good in some way.

If all of that is true, then there’s no way that all drugs are bad. If not all drugs are bad, these people are lying to me. I must see for my self one day.

 


 That’s what I thought when I was in first grade and they brought a cop in for career day and he said drugs are bad. Then I did research to confirm my suspicions and found out I was right and then realized that everyone just believes what they’re told and doesn’t do anything to figure it out themselves.

Then later, I found out that people are irrationally needy and seem to like me far more than I like them, so I started to hate people for that and that made me hate life because I feel alone because I never cared about someone enough to fight someone just to see who will do their chores for them. That’s psycho, but that’s pretty much what happened in second grade. These chicks I didn’t even consider my friends were fighting over who would be it in tag, for me.

I didn’t want to be it, so I decided not to play and I was going to play on the salt and pepper bar things, because I loved that game too, but they wanted me to play so badly that they were willing to be it for me, but they also started fighting over me and saying I wasn’t even friends with the other one. I wasn’t friends with either of them and I didn’t care about not playing with them. I was cool practicing jumping over the bar faster, by myself, so I could remain number one.

People value others and do things to their own detriment for others when they don’t even want whatever it is or care about them at all. It was crazy to me. I couldn’t understand it and I still don’t understand where that comes from, but I’ve sure learned how to fake it. People think I’m doing things for them, but it’s really for my own benefit. You can tell it is because if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t do it. I’m way too lazy to do extra stuff. Anyway, I do drugs because I hate my life, not because I’m addicted. I stopped for a year and eight months.

I drank before I did any drugs. My mom likes wine, so when she left one time, we drank the rest of the wine. There was only a little bit. Drugs came after I was raped, whereas the alcohol was when I was like seven. Being left alone is the culprit for the alcohol, because my understanding of how people think compared to how I think had developed from the tag incident, so I knew I was free to do whatever I wanted as long as I didn’t get caught. I was devising all kinds of plans. 

Posts: 901
0 votes RE: Those of you with bp di...

The most scientific view is that with all mental illnesses except very few it is a mixture of biological and environmental factors. I personally think environmental factors are very important. In terms of fault or responsibility in my opinion it does not change anythinfng if it is the one or the other. As a child etc one is powerless against ones environment and also the biology is not within ones power. But as adults we can take steps to cope with it/heal it. That is where responsibility and fault lies. 

Posts: 16942
0 votes RE: Those of you with bp di...
Med said: 

I had a very elegant upbringing. I was an only child. My father was a PhD physicist who became chief patent attorney. Total renaissance man by interests but not the most social and no community. They say it comes from his side. His brother was Harvard and Harvard Law. I ran away a lot to seek out what I missed.

It is so compelling to get stuck in placing blame: my background was this, my parents were xyz way versus as for al-anon or narc-anon way recognizing a predisposition biologically.

Do you agree for yourself?

Have been fortunate to be high-functioning and have made great success but I am also a quitter. 

What I have not reckoned with is a very narcissistic way of coping. In romantic relationships and other relationships I began to present interest in other person but share less of myself. But mysterious is not a good look in me. And I feel starved that way.

For those close to me, lucky to have some close family and friends also that will tolerate some self-absorption really most of the time which will lurch into discussions of the “traumas”. I don’t refer to them as traumas.

Friends won’t tolerate the narcissism. And I don’t want a therapist for romantic partner. Not to mention the stigma but less so now.

 

 

Affliction of the high IQ. Dr ugs sex reckless spending. The themes of the episodes may be the same every time and told to someone I trust but it won’t prevent them.

GI JOE AMERICAN HERO: knowing is half the battle.

 

how do you cope?

Ah, I see, this was a prompt put here so you could monologue. 

Carry on. 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
Posts: 16942
0 votes RE: Those of you with bp di...
Med said: 

I ran away a lot to seek out what I missed.

You run because you find narratives that don't overlay with the one you'd prefer to be too jarring to face. You're like a dog running from lightning. 

It is so compelling to get stuck in placing blame: my background was this, my parents were xyz way versus as for al-anon or narc-anon way recognizing a predisposition biologically.

Do you agree for yourself?

Agree with what, how 'it's so compelling to get stuck in placing blame'? 

I got over that shit a while ago, at least when it comes to my 'backstory' or whatever, as no one's really to blame in my case beyond circumstances. I was given more than enough growing up and still accomplished nothing with it. 

Have been fortunate to be high-functioning and have made great success but I am also a quitter. 

You aren't high functioning, at least not anymore, and from what I've seen of you so far you've haven't had any real occupational successes. Even when you've spent time bragging in the past it was more about your education than what you've done with it. 

While this is more intended to open the room to discuss what you're monologuing on... you'll take this as an insult, but I don't really know how to put it softly enough for you. You keep saying you only want to hear positive things, but if that's the case then you don't want to have a real conversation, rather you'd be simply looking for pats on the back. 

When it doesn't have to be said with kiddie gloves, I feel like we'll have a lot more worth talking about. 

What I have not reckoned with is a very narcissistic way of coping. In romantic relationships and other relationships I began to present interest in other person but share less of myself. But mysterious is not a good look in me. And I feel starved that way.

It's easy to get lost in other people when you're running away from yourself. Speaking as someone who sees others more clearly than I see myself in the mirror, a loss of self makes it very easy to become codependent. 

You still can't face the death of your father, but I find your discussing him now to be an arguably healthy development. You are trying to hide this pain from yourself through others, and as those others (mostly Chapo) don't fill that void you find yourself becoming increasingly frantic, increasingly desperate, until you're practically back in the mindset you were in before where you almost died in a car crash or whatever. 

It is not anyone else's responsibility other than your own to manage your own life. 

For those close to me, lucky to have some close family and friends also that will tolerate some self-absorption really most of the time which will lurch into discussions of the “traumas”. I don’t refer to them as traumas.

I agree with them that they are 'traumas', at least relatively speaking based on how intense you're taking all of this. 

Friends won’t tolerate the narcissism. And I don’t want a therapist for romantic partner. Not to mention the stigma but less so now.

Learn to nurse your own wounds then. 

Living through past pains is like paying a debt: The longer you ignore it the more interest that'll pile on. 

Affliction of the high IQ. Drugs sex reckless spending. The themes of the episodes may be the same every time and told to someone I trust but it won’t prevent them.

I see no correlation between anything you've said here and high IQ. 

how do you cope?

Fixating on the problems can be self-indulgent, if you let it. 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
last edit on 4/14/2021 11:27:01 AM
Posts: 16942
0 votes RE: Those of you with bp di...
Med said: 

What is it you think about your upbringing or something in your upbringing that made you this way?

Or Is it better to blame it on biology (as for alcoholism) and not kick yourself for choice/s you made or to try to place blame?

please share 

I always wanted to try drugs because I didn’t believe they were all bad. I knew some of them had to be bad, but it’s impossible that they are all bad because if they were, no one would do them. If everyone died when they did drugs, we wouldn’t have any drug addicts. If everyone got addicted to every drug on the first try, then only people who wanted to get addicted would do them. If people want to get addicted, there must be something they get out of it. If there’s something they get out of it, then it must be good in some way.

If all of that is true, then there’s no way that all drugs are bad. If not all drugs are bad, these people are lying to me. I must see for my self one day.

You... what? 

You can literally look up what drugs are doing to people online, there's symptom guides and everything. This is straight retarded, and obviously a coping excuse over the poor self-control you've already admitted to countless times. 

At least Med is trying, clearly lost, while you just sit there inventing excuse after excuse. Between the two of you she's the one more likely to get better. 

That’s what I thought when I was in first grade and they brought a cop in for career day and he said drugs are bad. Then I did research to confirm my suspicions and found out I was right and then realized that everyone just believes what they’re told and doesn’t do anything to figure it out themselves.

You can literally look it up, there's more than a big enough sample size of people who report on these things after trying it, entire videos and case studies on the developmental effects it's had at different points in their lives, you're being straight ignorant. 

Then later, I found out that people are irrationally needy and seem to like me far more than I like them, so I started to hate people for that and that made me hate life because I feel alone because I never cared about someone enough to fight someone just to see who will do their chores for them.

Translation: You're irrationally needy and find others making it about themselves deplorable. 

People value others and do things to their own detriment for others when they don’t even want whatever it is or care about them at all. It was crazy to me.

I couldn’t understand it and I still don’t understand where that comes from, but I’ve sure learned how to fake it.

Not as crazy as watching you distance yourself from your older monologues. 

You're projecting, you've literally rambled on and on about how you do this. 

People think I’m doing things for them, but it’s really for my own benefit. You can tell it is because if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t do it. I’m way too lazy to do extra stuff.

What people think you aren't self-serving? Everyone who's helpful is doing it for themselves, whether they actively notice it or not. 

It's spooky to watch you do these monologues to convince yourself of these things as a form of reinforcement. It's like Blanc except yours doesn't extend into disconnected media sources for relative affect and you clearly believe your own hype like thrice as much. 

Anyway, I do drugs because I hate my life, not because I’m addicted. I stopped for a year and eight months.

You're emotionally addicted to substances as a concept. If you can't do one, you'll move onto another. 

This is still unhealthy. 

I drank before I did any drugs. My mom likes wine, so when she left one time, we drank the rest of the wine.

'We'? 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
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