Sometimes I get lonely, big shock I know.
Last night I was lonely and on tinder, usually when I'm in that need for human interaction mood I just talk to people on there and then delete the app when I'm ready for bed. but I got talking to a guy, we vibed a bit and he wanted to hang out, I was lonlier than normal I'd already opened up about how and why I didn't want to have sex but said tbh I wouldn't mind the company and conversation for a bit, and he was totally down with that.
I'm a bit, not agorophobic really just, being in my space is where I feel best and safest so I gave this guy my address, and told him I'd told a friend he was coming, just in case he really was a murderer so he would be less inclined to murder me. I didn't actually tell a friend. I have no one to tell.
he brought vodka because I told him it'd be awkward af as I am socially anxious, so I had a couple drinks, he didn't because he was driving, we talked for a while and he tried to make a move and I turned him down. he apologised and said he'd go if I wanted, but he wouldn't try again and wanted to keep talking because our convo was interesting. it was still only like 7:30pm and I believed him, so he stayed and he got me another drink.
then things started to get weird, I was feeling really drunk but I hadn't drunk that much, I threw up in the toilet and almost fell over but he caught me and was like "hey you alright? it's alright let's get you lying down" he like flopped me on the bed and I asked him for water but everything was really foggy and I can't remember if he brought it.
What I do remember is the pain of him entering me because that was a shock, and I remember throwing up on myself after he was done, and him helping me shower.
I don't remember him leaving. I remember waking up clean in my bed with him gone and the vodka he brought gone too.
No evidence and too late for a rape kit. he unmatched me on tinder so I couldn't report him directly but they have a help centre and I gave them all the details I could, plus I'm sure they can check who I was matched with. But there's no point going to the police, especially in brisbane. no rape kit, no evidence. I want to ruin his fucking life, I want him to feel violated like he violated me. but I don't know how or what to do.
and once again, I'm the gullible fool who gets raped. I just needed to tell someone I guess.