Sociopath Community

Too exhausted to explain. I dont have the words right now but. 

Had anxiety and then started crying 

I’m mainly jus overwhelmed at how not well I’m doing mentally, with the over thinking as well. 

And i try so hard to fight it and push myself to get better and stress myself out too much 

so i just kind of let myself not fight for one minute and let myself just cry and be vulnerable instead of freaking out holding onto your grip so tightly like desperately trying to make this work while you’re mentally just fucking off 

like... i just had to let it happen and succumb to a sadness... for a minute. 

And that made the anxiety attack stop thank god. 

Still struggle with overthinking but trying not to go there. It just makes everything worse and worse. 

Like, i am over stressing myself for no fucking reason. But i can’t make it stop? And you start to ascend into this like level of just pure insanity, when you’re in that state. 

I need to just, take a break, i think. And let myself like, stop stressing and just chill for a lil while. Do some more, healing. And just... let that be the focus for now. 

Anything else is, too much. I thought i could handle stacking more on but I’m just not there yet realistically. I like to convince myself i am but. I dont handle it well. 

I’m still grappling with some things and, until I Get that sorted I really can’t put my best foot forward into anything i do. And I’m just not in the place to, be my full... self right now like, I cant be ‘on’ right now. Like you would be for a camera or anything like that. 

I suppose you could call it burn out. 

I need to let myself cry more often maybe. Maybe it would be cathartic and healing. To have compassion for oneself... 

as far as the over thinking, i don’t know how to find balance again but... i think by taking a break it will help me do so. 

I didn’t mention exactly what I’m overwhelmed with obviously it’s too much to explain but one of the issues is being mentally unstable having these random bouts lf depression and ultimately feeling suicidal because of it ? 

And then the suicidality I get overwhelmed by because it’s scary how close to the edge you might feel with it 

and I know I shouldn’t behaving these thoughts and I don’t when I am well

sp it’s not supposed to be there and Yeah idk what to do bout it other than maybe mention it to a professional 

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJxHWFUf/ 

bruh this is WHAT I’ve been trying to SAY as to why I journal for a very long time now but I just didn’t have the words to explain it like she does. 

there are many many reasons I do this but 

this tiktok is one of the reasons. When I DONT journal, guess what happens. About after a week or two of obstianing I go off the rails emotionally ultimately, in a more volatile and worse reaction 

but when I journal and let myself feel the things I needs to feel about my day (but weren’t safe to do so outwardly) this allows me to remain more level headed in my day to day life. Instead of skipping that important job interview because my anxiety was through the roof, or instead of falling apart because someone bumped into me passing on the street and made a rude comment, or being better able to hold my tongue during arguments and toxicity I get inundated with in my home life 

And just because parents love you does not mean they also too cannot be toxic parents or have traumatized you in some way. It happens. Stop saying “you don’t have trauma because they love and care about you.” That’s not how truamatizarion and the psychological processes and reactions to that trauma work!!

 
you brain does not go, “oh, other people have it better, so there for I will not develop ptsd from this.” 

 
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJxH31S1/ 

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJxH3frU/ 

what I am doing here is helping myself. I’m not just complaining. 

And besides we all deserve mental healing and well being, no matter what it is we did or didn’t go through and how our experiences differentiate.

I’m super stressed 

my mom suggested I see a therapist about it 

to better learn balancing it and how to deal with stress 

which makes sense I never have been good with that really. 

‘so yeah that’s something to work on I guess. 

cuz I over stress 

today i was sitting naked in our apt (we cant control the building heat, the commie building admin chooses it) and a piece of kebab fell on my dick. it felt kinda nice.

oh and I also have probs with decision making

Blanc said: 

oh and I also have probs with decision making

Racing thoughts'll do that to you. 

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