Only one word comes to mind in regards to Cad...
Mundane
How did you find SC? What caused you to seek out a forum of this nature?
I found SC through PF which I visited while in a incredibly unstable point in my life around 1.5 years ago. Due to what I think was stress, drug abuse and by letting myself indulge in my more extreme fetishes. The barriers between my more extreme tendencies and my professional life were starting to become raptured at that point. Thankfully I got the situation under control.
You've mentioned before that you have the tendency to move from one location to another frequently due to a need for excitement. You've also brought up drug use in chat on a number of occasions (mostly uppers), though not as a matter of current abuse. Both of these things are obviously consistent with a need to remain stimulated, along with your apparent career path(es).
How much does this drive for stimulation feed in to both your career ambitions and situations of instability?
In what ways did you see the stress, drug abuse, and fetishes intruding on your professional life?
What methods did you use to gain control of the situation?
How much does this drive for stimulation feed into both your career ambitions and situations of instability?
In terms of career and larger life goals it's really a chicken and the egg situation. From an outcome orientated standpoint the goals themselves require an immense amount of energy, willpower and skill now this clearly facilitates the necessity of having an insatiable need for stimulation. The situation is not that black and white though as a need for stimulation, left unchecked by discipline or guidance is destructive towards the very same goals.
When it comes to self-inflicted situations of instability I tend to exuberate and prolong them, usually as a reaction to being unsatisfied with the world around me. If the instability has more to do with outside factors (unstable industry, workplace, city etc) I tend to really love it and be drawn towards those environments. There's real excitement and potential for greatness in those environments compared to the more rigged normal environments.
In what ways did you see the stress, drug abuse, and fetishes intruding on your professional life?
I love to compartmentalize areas of life, but when it comes to these particular preferences compartmentalization is more of an absolute necessity. Drugs and stress had always been part of my life especially back then but what started happening was I started to lose control over myself during sexual encounters with people who I was connected with through work. It's not really something I want to talk too much about, but I will say this, for someone like me who likes to be in total control over myself (and to some extent those around me) losing control like that and doing something that might have profound consequences is a very scary prospect.
What methods did you use to gain control of the situation?
Totally stopped doing drugs and stopped partying. I also totally stopped playing into the fetishes that had grown too extreme. I've also learned a lot more about how I work and react towards certain things which in the long term I think will make sure I'm never in that situation again.
Seems as if you moved around quite a bit in your younger years. Would you consider your home life during childhood and adolescence stable?
How do you feel this plays a role in your current situation?
Do you feel it contributes to your desire for stimulation and excitement?
How about the need for control?
What's different about your need for control over yourself versus your need for control over others?
Does this seem to extend to your environment in any way?
Seems as if you moved around quite a bit in your younger years. Would you consider your home life during childhood and adolescence stable?
Stable in the sense that we were well off and neither of my parents were abusive at any stage, cold perhaps but definitely stable,
How do you feel this plays a role in your current situation?
My home life (parents specifically) was never really very interesting, not negative not positive.
Do you feel it contributes to your desire for stimulation and excitement?
Moving around and having lived all over the world definitely has opened my eyes to the possibilities the world has to offer, if I'm ever in a smaller city I'll always compare it to the time I was at X or Y, that definitely has you chasing that stimuli more than most.
How about the need for control?
My family, especially my dad was...very controlling. It has taught me the value of planning and discipline though and I'm thankful for that.
What's different about your need for control over yourself versus your need for control over others?
Nothing really. I hold myself to the highest standard I can while I try to hold people around me to a realistic standard that challenges them. Sometimes I can be lenient with certain people though, but the people I really like are the ones that can uphold those standards themselves.
Stable in the sense that we were well off and neither of my parents were abusive at any stage, cold perhaps but definitely stable
In what ways were your parents cold?
Was there a lack of affection in general?
How would you describe your attachment to them during your earlier years?
My family, especially my dad was...very controlling. It has taught me the value of planning and discipline though and I'm thankful for that.
Do you find yourself acting in ways similar to what you observed with your father?
Are you often very rigid in your planning and control of your environment?
How do you react to deviations from said plans?
Do you find yourself to be more fixed or adaptable?