People in front of me in line buying 4-5 lotto tickets while I'm just trying to buy my sparkling water and leave work is infuriating to me. 5 minutes of my life wasted by clings of hope; a fantasy of "striking it big," despite the astronomically low probability of that.
I think I've shared this trigger on both older forums before, but it bears repeating because it's obviously still a problem for me, and I'm still working on it. My biggest trigger is being accused of things I haven't done. I'm getting better at not letting it get to me the way it used to, but work still needs to be done.
When I think about why it's such a huge trigger, the answer is very simple. It's always about my family and how you're always doing something wrong. I got my ass beat many times over nothing. Shit my father or mother would make up in their psychotic paranoid minds, and no matter what you said or did, you just couldn't escape it.
Because you were a bad kid always. You were a parasite that was sucking all life from them. Everything you did was seen as greedy, selfish, weak, or disgusting.
I wanted to believe so bad that my mind was too strong to be affected. That my parents didn't have so much influence and power over how their treatment made me see myself. I understand now that it's not a choice when you're a child. You can't raise yourself. With my children, I get a small glimpse at the truth about me when I was a kid, and it help me see how beautiful I was so that I don't have to look at who I am now the same way anymore. But I also have the choice as well. I have the power to choose who I am. I also have the power to say that other people no longer get to define me or derail my perception of self. And that is incredibly healing so I think it's an important trigger to keep working on.
Ikr? If I'm in a rush, heaven help the person who is causing my delay. I can barely contain myself. I literally want to disembowel them, but I'll usually content myself with a few choice words or grumbles, and a show of annoyance. I know I'm being an entitled, impatient brat, and the rage is always fleeting, but that knowledge does nothing to quell it while it's happening.
ImNotHer stated: source post
My biggest trigger is being accused of things I haven't done.
That's a massive one for me also. Blood-boiling sort of reaction, which is unusual for me.
Related, I also take issue with being accused of lying when I'm telling the truth. I think, partly, because I find it enormously difficult to be honest.
I pride myself on being in control of my reactions, but those two send me unaccountably insane.