you strangled a woman for me? damn girl you're amazing!
I'm in an apartment of a man i feel i should know, his mail has the name Purrk Karrar and I'm not sure why i haven't left but I'm terrified of him returning. I start looking at myself in a mirror and notice the pupil of my left eye is blown wide and the iris has bled into the sclera so the top of my eyeball is watery brown and the bottom there's blood.
He comes back of course, he's maybe 5'10", tan, dark hair that's not straight but not exactly curly and blue eyes. There's something about the way he comes in, his hands in loose fists and his knees slightly bent that makes me whimper and I absolutely hate it because then he comes closer and grabs my face.
His finger are scratchy, the tips as if someone carved them from wood and forgot to sand them smooth. He tells me that i need to understand hes not the bad person here; I am lookit what i did.
With my face still in one hand he starts to pull out his teeth and put them in my hand, he swallows any blood but when he smiles , it begins to leak past the corners of his lips. He reaches for his own eye, the sclera is yellow and the iris is a patchy blue. His fingers press against his eyeball and then they sink into the delicate skin of his eyelid. Hes trying to pull it out and I start pulling away and he pulls me closer in a hug so I start panicking and drop the teeth. Suddenly I'm on the floor watching as the teeth slowly fall and hit the wood floor, more loudly than any tooth should sound hitting the floor.
It sounds like plates shattering and then the whole dreamscape turns mechanical and is colored tones of gray. I'm walking into a closet with sliding doors and in the closet floor there a square shaped hole and a wire hanger on the wooden dowel rod. I walk into the closet, one foot on either side of the floor opening and grab the wire hanger. I start pulling the middle open wider and pull it over my head and start twisting the metal so its tight against my throat like a noose without the slack and begin to wind the open hanger onto the rod, the wire fuses into wood and i do a pull up then let go, dropping myself into the hole.
I'm still hanging there when the view shifts and I'm looking at myself, the wire is cutting into my throat and whatever im trying to say comes out in a gurgle because water keeps spilling from my mouth. The hanging me keeps trying to scratch the wire off, her hair is longer than mine, just as curly but its also matted and shes very dirty. There are bruises but theyre all silver and when i try to pull me nearer my hand sinks into her shoulder and she starts to laugh while more water spills from her mouth.
She starts flailing and i keep trying to help her up only to have my hands sink into her body and i start crying and she keeps laughing
Then I wake up.
I was with this family of three. It consisted of this little girl, this older fat lady and ramsey bolden(ramsey was the little girls brother) from game of thrones. Apparently I was a family friend and was just hanging out at their house. We all decided to go to a roller coaster park that was close. We got on this ride, we were all in the front row, front seat of this ride. There was a 5th seat and it was filled by this kid that had this puffy afro and pale white skin talking about how happy he was to be on the ride, how he had ridden it at least 8 million times. It looked something like this
The ride shot off extremely fast but right before we reached we the top of the hill I heard a crackand my part of the coaster started falling back down the hill while everyone else kept going up and flew off the track. I saw countless bodies fall out of their seats and plummet towards the ground. I could hear the cacophony of twisted metal and screams getting louder and louder as they came closer to the ground. Then a series of nauseating thuds from them hitting the ground followed by an eerie silence. I got off the ride and started walking, it was all everyone was talking about. I'd hear and listen to them describe the events and act like I wasnt there. I was the sole survivor
The night came immediately and I started walking back towards the residential part of town. It wasnt long before this old truck full of white skin heads drove up and asked if I needed a ride. I agreed(I dont know why the fuck I did), hopped in the back of their truck and it sped off. There was their leader, some skinny slick haired, sharp faced guy that asked me what time it was, I looked down at my watch and told him 23:55. He then proceeded to tell me he raped and then killed his wife. Went into detail for the reasons he did it and said he wanted my fingerprints to put on the doorknob outside the house. He said without any convicting evidence I'd get some questioning, but it wouldnt be enough to convict me. He was offering 20,000 for it.
I agreed, because at this point I knew I had to, I knew too much or I'd have to fight like 6 people. We pulled up at the house and he gave me piece of sticky plastic to put my handprint on, I took it and went to the door. The 6 rushed into the house and I sat there acting like I was putting my print on the door. I heard a scream and ran to the backyard where I found them holding this woman by each of her arms and legs. She made eye contact with me as one pulled out a knife, the slick haired leader was talking about how he was going to take his time killing her. With each one of her muffled screams and wimpers I grew more and more disgusted. I tried not letting my emotions getting the best of me, I had to if I wanted to live. Once they started I told them "make it quick, I think the cops heard her first scream." I made one more instance of eye contact and tried to communicate it was a move of mercy, but her eyes were still so wide/scared.
I turned away when they did it and immediately asked for my payment. The slick haired guy complained I didnt do all that I promised in this mocking tone. I told him my hand print was on the door, he acknowledged it but said I didnt help with the rest. It was clear the 20k was just a pretty selling price and no matter what I did he'd still take a cut. He told me he'd give me no more than 3k for the performance I did, I told give me 5 and I'll be on my way and he did. I took my money and just started walking back to the old families house. When I got there I saw the little girl crying on the stairsteps, locked out. I was amazed she survived and she was the same upon seeing me. That quickly faded as I became a constant reminder that she'd lost her entire immediate family. She was maybe 14-16. We broke into the house and she went straight to her room and all I could hear were her muffled sobs inside her pillow, even with her door shut. I heard her curse me and ask why couldnt her brother or mother had been alive instead of me and I honestly felt like shit.
I knew only time would help her and as much as I wanted to, I refrained from trying to console her. I left the house, I knew I couldnt raise that girl. She had to be on her own for me to go on living my own life, following my goals. I went towards the door and soon after I opened it I woke up
Thank you, WW3. I think that might have been a fear of mine at the time to find that underneath everything I was only empty. It was around the time when I started taking my therapy seriously and was only beginning to attempt introspection. I believe that my fears regarding this, for the most part, have been eased.
