Why bother at all? Why read books or watch a movie or play something? Why educate yourself in any area of interest if it's not even fulfilling? I don't believe that your life is entirely unfulfulling otherwise you'd be dead by now.
"Why bother at all? Why read books or watch a movie or play something? Why educate yourself in any area of interest if it's not even fulfilling? I don't believe that your life is entirely unfulfulling otherwise you'd be dead by now."
I didn't say that I do not enjoy things. I said that my life feels unfulfilled currently.
its very simple. there is effect, and there is cause. the root of the cause, is the effect. there is no effect for the effect that causes the cause or vs. (the cause for the cause that causes the effect which effects the cause) there is only the cause. and there is only the effect. and the effect is the cause. you're very welcome. feel free to buy my books on audiobook.gofuckyourself.com
i'm going to get kicked off this forum soon.
"Tbh having vices is the first thing I can think of when it comes to "being self-destructive". All vices impact your life in a negative way. Seems like yours do too."
Are we supposed to be ascetics? Is anyone here an ascetic?
"Alcoholism is one of the worst because it's convenient and accessible."
It does not interfere with my life at this time. I think the real issue is why I should choose to drink frequently instead of doing some other thing. It is a question I already know the answer to. At this point, it is a matter of resolution. I am not physically dependent on alcohol. It's just something I enjoy after work, and on my days off.
"If one cares about oneself, he should do his best to control his vices, and I hope you succeed in that."
I appreciate the sentiment.
Are you sure it's not more about how much that you've built a life around your vices? It didn't seem like it was purely a choice when I met you, but more of an upkeep compulsion. How much of what goes on would you say you black out these days? I'd guess that it's a lot less, considering, but is it still a present factor in general?
What sorts of long term effects do you figure are coming from your vices? I'd imagine the effects that last beyond the intoxication itself could be robbing you of the means of enjoying things quite as much, pushing the boredom further in a self-enabling fashion.
"Are you sure it's not more about how much that you've built a life around your vices?"
Yes.
"It didn't seem like it was purely a choice when I met you, but more of an upkeep compulsion."
That was more reckless abandon than upkeep compulsion. It was a result of how 2015 went for me.
"How much of what goes on would you say you black out these days?"
If I black out, it's on occasion around close midnight, if I've had a lot to drink. It's not an all-day thing, nor an everyday thing. I've been working at the same place for the past 4 months with no issue.
You seen me at the peak of my substance abuse (and its crash), using combinations I would not repeat, etc. I think your judgment of me was heavily impacted by that.
"What sorts of long term effects do you figure are coming from your vices? I'd imagine the effects that last beyond the intoxication itself could be robbing you of the means of enjoying things quite as much, pushing the boredom further in a self-enabling fashion."
My boredom is a result of a current lack of preoccupation. I was a smoker before I came to visit, but I don't think I ever once mentioned it while I was there? It is that easy for me to drop something when adapting to something else.
Your narratives try to make however you are at the time sound like it's less of a problem than it is, so I have trouble knowing what to believe related to your current status when I can't see it right in front of me. This could just as easily be the truth as it could be convenient excuses. Stating that you were "once worse" for instance could be excusing being almost as bad with that past instance as the reference point of warning, blinding you to the risks that are in place from it being "better than then".
Substance abuse is a hard battle that is typically accompanied with levels of denial, especially when the attachment isn't just physical, so it's easier to lean towards assuming the worse likely outcome to more likely be the case when a history of severity has been established. I don't know how much of the testimony that I can trust when the narration could be unreliable from a variety of factors.
It still sounds like there's some risks that could get in the way of your pursuits.