Holy Fucking Shiit Balls!!!! That was seriously long, my man...
When I was 14 I was diagnosed with SAD. I only have had one real panic attack. I was just entering high school. I ran home and curled up into a ball for nearly 2 hours. My mom pushed me into therapy because of the anxiety. Since my early teenage years it has improved. Little to none.
Have you tried any prescribed medication as a alternative to alcohol?
Substance abuse and issues like anxiety and depression are a vicious circle, they feed upon each other. I suggest you do your best to detox first. Seriously, and for good. Alcohol can be as damaging, if not even more damaging than "harder" stuff. It's not gonna be easy, but if you want it, you can do it, as many others have. Have patience, let the mind find itself again and set on the right track.
I'm a mixture of nihilistic and pessimistic, I seemingly always have some sort of crutch that I lean on, it's always an addiction.
Perhaps I just naturally lean to the easiest path. It's hard to see straight when an anxious mind tells you everything that is going wrong. I need a stability in my life, that I have yet to find.
Turncoat stated: source post
Pessimism and Nihilism tend to be symptoms more often than causes.
That's an interesting statement.
I use LSD every now and then, can't really control the path the trip takes me on really, sometimes I just end up distracted. It has caused some small changes in me. But nothing to the point where it'll curb a substance problem.
As far as pills go, I used to abuse them, I'm not sure it's for the best to be prescribed them.