Buttered Toast stated: source post
Wait, which part of all this actually matters? ;)
what actually matters is warming her up for when this arrives
the 20ft tall AT&T inflatable arm flailing tube man is gonna be hard to explain
angee12880113 stated: source post
Will you write more?
hadnt planned on it. hadnt planned on writing in the first place though, so who knows
Xena stated: source post
Ew.
That's what you imagine when we rp?
You are truly a twisted little man. lol
Sheesh, can you not make me a little underage thing for once when we RP? Dirty little predator <3
:)
actually another thing came to mind
so i was at a buddys bbq a few nights ago, and his 8 year old son has a bit of a disability issue and really likes me for some reason, and makes me hi-5 him ever 30 minutes. and im bein literal when i say every 30 minutes, kid times it on his phone. And his concept of a hi-5 is really high-velocity contact, and natually we have to re-do it until its right (most attempts this took was about 20 from memory). So by the end of the night my hand hurts like a son of a bitch. and this is every time im at their house, not a one-off. ive hi-5'd this kid probly 1000 times in my life (without hyperbole. im not kidding)
but this one night (bein 5 hours, with approx. average of 5 attempts per hi-5 per attempt, every 30 minutes), woulda been minimum 50 times
But so this evening, his mom tries to diffuse the situation more vigorously than usual, and the kid watches a lot of wrestling, so when she grabs him before he can start another hi-5 thing with me, he yells "YOUR LIFE CHANGES WHEN IM YOUR ENEMY"
knocks out a few more wrestling quotes before escaping from her grip and hi-5ing me a good 15 times. dont think its gonna end. on the bright side though the kid is fantastic, and my hand is abnormally strong
This is gonna sound like the ramblings of an insane person, mostly coz it is, but I remembered I made this thread and so I’m gonna use it to vent about how everyone ruined shark week with no expectation or even really desire than anyone reads it.
So, because I’m apparently a deranged pushover, 5 people have invaded my house in less than a 6 month period. My 17 year old nephew has been here for months with no sign of leaving. His pregnant girlfriend also seems to be here 24/7. My son’s home from college. SO’s psychotic Black Panther mother has decided to move upstairs.
I guess if they all showed up on the same day I woulda thought “what the fuckâ€, but they sorta just accumulated over time and now it’s the fuckin Nevada State Home for the Bewildered.
Tangentially, SO’s mom is a 75 year old Haitian lady that wears hilariously large green glasses and always has red lipstick all over her teeth. She reminds me of a Scooby Doo villain. Also, the woman eats like a recently liberated prisoner of war. I once seen her eat an entire wheel of cheese in 20 minutes....
She cooks most nights though, which would be great if Haitian food didn’t have to involve so many goats. Some of the shit she makes tastes like being punched in the kidneys. She’s also real big on removing her wig and sayin grace before meals, but in Haitian Creole, so I gotta prepare myself for the chemical burn of goat stew while an old bald lady chants scary nonsense.
(Also my SO keeps tellin me its racist to assume she’s doin voodoo, but once she had her eyes closed and she reached out, slapped my hand and said, ‘Don’t be drinkin from de bottle, Shoolian. Pour da glass. You isn’t an enemal.’ And she hadn’t even seen what I was doing. So I’m not necessarily sayin its voodoo, but I’m not necessarily sayin it ain’t)
But the point is, I was tryna watch TV the other night coz it was shark week, and there’s a pregnant teenager doin prenatal yoga in the corner, my son and nephew screaming at some Korean kid on the playstation, SO’s mom constantly grabbing my arm to measure it against the sweater she’s decided to knit me (in July… in the desert) while telling me about her fuckin creepy dreams about people wrapped in plastic at the DMV, a toothless cat yawning like a fuckin haunted gargoyle on top of the piano and SO harassing me about which bills I have and haven’t paid (when the answer is always literally none of them).
Also work is stressful to the point that I woke up with a lobster claw in my pocket (???) and the bed was covered in glitter. SO told me that we’d gotten home at 3am and I’d ranted at the Uber driver about Fukoshima and seafood for 30 minutes while insisting he played “Starman†on a continuous loop. Also he gave me a “salted duck egg†for whatever reason. I tried to eat it when we got home but it still had the shell on.
That derailed pretty quick but anyway. End of bizarre online rant to self.