What was his first language?
The matter of my self expression via typing is remotely interesting, but interesting nonetheless. I will try to find time to make a vocaroo someday as it would be interesting to see if similar patterns are reflected in the way I express myself orally.
As for the matter of finding something wrong with me, I think that it is more reasonable to stick with a known coast instead of testing new waters. Some of the things good old Hare has kindly presented are rather close to my negative traits.
Facet 2: Affective
- Lack of remorse or guilt
- Emotionally shallow
- Callous/lack of empathy
- Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Facet 3: Lifestyle
- Parasitic lifestyle
I have decided to get out of my comfort zone of the philosopher's stance of being an apathetic, unmotivated observer and be more mindful of the well being of others.
My friends are more than means of keeping me entertained when I feel a craving for social interaction and they should be perceived as human beings, such as myself. I should call to check up on them periodically, to show some more care. I have called a couple of them today and they seemed to be pleased to get a bigger piece of me. I have not taken part in chit-chat much until this point and I was pleased to see that I could pull it off. Me being a bit inquisitive and pushy in regards of extracting information seems to work well while used carefully and combined with shares of mine.
I should also be more attentive to my colleagues. To do so I will start taking paper notes, not just mental ones, about them, like I have been doing with my friends. This should help me find some common interests and maybe get closer to these people. I should also accept their suggestions to go out in a group. They seemed pleased when I have accepted such offers and also expressed that by telling that it was nice of me to come and so on.
I also need to be more attentive to my mother. Yes, she is clingy and annoying and not too interesting, but she can be tolerated to a degree, big enough for me to interact more. I have dismissed some of the suggestions because I had other things to do, but I could sometimes make a sacrifice. After all, she has lost her husband and does not have many friends since she was too focused on the family matters. My father and I always got along well and I have no complaints, but I can see that he could have been an asshole.
Next is another widow, my grandmother, who has complained about the lack of attention given. Some text messages should do the trick, maybe an occasional call.
I have also bough a book about social interactions from the emotional perspective which should make it easier to identify the issues and am going to listen to Three Days Grace these days since these guys tend to sing about various people problems.
This all sounds all bright and shiny, but I will be pleased if I manage to fulfill at least a half of my plan. So far phone calls and colleagues inspection seem to be the easiest, while the ideas of more elaborated social interaction are still a bit hard to pull off. It is not unlikely that I will dismiss this all in a short notice as I still can not understand why am I even got to this point. Well, I tend to determine some flaws and see if I can fix them and since it has been said here that I am not really suffering from ASPD, it means that I can be treated. Yay me!
Feel free to share any ropes of your own, I suspect I am not the only one with this issue here. Or maybe I should not even bother?
I tired myself even planning these things... Best of luck for me.
AsPD is related to Hare Factor 2 traits, not Factor 1. There is currently no "cure" for those high in Factor 1, but one can still live a more fulfilling life. It sounds like you have a solid plan and that you are on a good track.
A method that I have found to be useful has been to keep track of any feelings that I have in a journal along with a description of the event that triggered the feeling. Each entry follows the format "I feel... because..." After which I often elaborate on the event that I believe was the cause. This allows me to reference past emotional experiences to search for patterns. Being aware of the patterns, I believe, will better allow me to recognize those which are unhealthy or undesireable to potentially alter my behavioral responses or attempt to take a different perspective on them. It additionally allows me to determine those events that triggered more pleasurable feelings and identify healthy and/or socially acceptable situations that caused them to occur.
When irritated by another person's actions, I attempt to consider their perspective on things. I consciously try to imagine how I would feel in a certain situation and remind myself that other people have different ways of responding behaviorally to the same situation. I think to myself "How would I want to be responded to if I were behaving this way?" It helps me to keep calm when I am otherwise agitated and prevents me from disregarding a person entirely, when I may perhaps not want that in the long run. It also prevents me from inadvertently insulting someone that I need or like to have around.
And yes, paying attention to the people in your life is extremely important. The only way to better one's social relationships is to interact with people. I've learned that people will give back the amount that you invest in them. Being open to spending time with them will cause them to in turn want to spend more time with you. Don't over extend yourself though. I allow time for group activities twice a week for no more than four hours of interaction at a time. I'll go out for longer if I know that I can get away from the group or if I'm spending time with certain individuals who are not as likely to expect much in the way of emotional responses. Selecting who to spend time with is important, as some people are exhausting (hence the time limit). Learning to not get upset when the time limit is unexpectedly extended or how to excuse yourself for brief periods is important when dealing with groups as well.
Practice your emotional responses in the mirror every now and again, especially before going out with people.
This is what I have been working at since August and I think I have made fairly good progress. It gets easier the more you do it. I hope you find this helpful.
I don't find Mee's writing to be pretentious. He isn't using a bunch of unnecessary big words. It's not so much formal as it is concise, an important quality in his profession.
Also, although it's hard to tell because his English is better than most native speakers on the forum, English is not his first language. Even if Mee used slang in his every day speech, which he has said he does not, slang is ever-changing and thus difficult to use without sounding odd if one is not constantly exposed to it. For instance, last year was the first time I heard someone use the term "baby momma" without being facetious. I could not stop laughing and the new friend that I had made became infatuated with teaching me slang terms. I learned "give me dap", "dap" being a type of "fist bump". When I tried to use the phrase with a group, all of them burst out laughing while my friend proudly proclaimed "I taught her that!"
Then there is the fact that people do not always peak how they write. Writing is more permanent. Whatever is written down can be gone over again and pulled apart. It's best to be as concise as possible when writing when one knows that this could happen.
Your writing exhibits to me a conscious formality that borders on pretentiousness. Not overwhelmingly, but that's the impression I get when I try to imagine someone speaking as you write in casual conversation. Perhaps it is a matter of how you write. There is often a disconnect between how people speak and think, it may be a matter of your diction. I don't think you have any mental condition.