not all the time.
when they expect games then i can say whatever i want and they will alway think im full of shit no matter how honst im being. i can treat this place like a diary/place to fuck off and people wont givee a fuck either wya so it makes no differenc to me. i love to laugh jok n play, i love that people dont take me seriously even when i am serious because i always regret being open later. i know you will ask why, so ill go ahead n tell ya. people dwell. somtimes i just wanna get shit off my chest and not hear about it tomorrow, thats more likely to happen if no one really pays too much attention tp what imsaying because ive conditioned them to take me at face value and never put stock in shit i say.
Angee, A Monologue:
I want to be able to say I was me.
For better or worse, I was me.
In all of my fucked up glory!
[Angee laughs loudly, hands wringing villainously]
I could elaborate for hours,
But I will be kind
And not going into a spiel about who I am.
[chuckles]
You are welcome.
[Angee realizes that there's a curious audience]
I cant.
Intoxication will make me too honest,
And then you will all pick apart my brains and figure me out...
I'm on to you....
Everyone knows everything about me already.
They know the parts that mater,
Like me being shallow
And a whore
And cuntish
And retarded
[laughs nervously as she collects herself]
I have an image to uphold!
[she gives the audience an aside glance, motioning to an imaginary script]
I had to edit that in there.
[she stares off into the distance, speaking as if in a haze]
Boredom,
Drugs,
And alcohol.
[she turns towards the audience, offended]
What makes you think I'm not always my true self!?
Sheesh...
[she thinks to herself for a moment]
Hey... some of what I say is true.
I was being honest when I said I lie a lot!And its all for the sake of the joke,
Its not a defense, though.
And, you can collect all the data you want
'cus its full of just as much bullshit as my public ramblings.
[Angee laughs once more]
Sometimes I tell the truth,
I just do it just as often as I lie,
and just as poorly...
[Angee points toward the audience]
Gots'ta keep you guys on your toes!
[She stares at the audience for a time]
Defense against what?
There is no threat here.
If one thing is sloppier than the next,
Maybe I did it on purpose to make ya think it WAS a defen-
[laughs suddenly and loudly, then pauses]
I'm kidding, that's just laziness
Truth to lie ratio is pretty close to 50/50.
I don't really feel the need to lie,
But I also don't feel the need to be all honest for validation.
Some of it's compulsory,
My little suicide stunt for example.
Reasons for doing it other than boredom,
None really.
Just something to pass the time.
If one games ends I'll just start another,
Sometimes its rushed and improvised,
Sometimes its just sloppy half truths,
People don't guess,
Or they shouldn't,
[she motions towards the audience]
Just enjoy the damn show.
Lying is always entertaining.
Sometimes telling the truth is too.
I pick whichever suits me,
And yes, I do the same thing in real life.
[Angee pauses]
I don't know, maybe they do guess,
I don't,
I don't give a fuck,
Show me what you want me to see and I will love every second of it.
And lots of things decide what suits me.
My mood,
The situation,
How sober I am (laughs).
When they expect games,
Then I can say whatever I want,
And they will always think I'm full of shit no matter how honest I'm being.
I can treat this place like a diary,
Or a place to fuck off
And people won't give a fuck either way,
So it makes no difference to me.
I love to laugh, joke, and play,
I love that people don't take me seriously even when I am serious
Because I always regret being open later.
I know you will ask why,
So I'll go ahead and tell 'ya.
People dwell.
Sometimes I just wanna get shit off my chest and not hear about it tomorrow,
That's more likely to happen if no one really pays too much attention to what I'm saying
Because I've conditioned them to take me at face value
And never put stock in shit I say.
I don't need them to believe me,
I don't care if its like talking to walls,
I just wanna talk to someone else sometimes.
And they know quite a bit abut me.
Some of the parts seem like the biggest lies aren't.
I'm just not interested in clarifying which is which.
And no, I don't like reminders.
I don't know how to answer that.
Are you taking this serious?
Don't. (laughs)
That's the point.
I got nothing to offer but pretty pictures.
[Angee laughs to herself quietly]
Since I can remember,
I'm close to Frankie...
[Angee looks at the audience and breaks out of character, letting out a single laugh followed by a shrug]
Guess not.