Sociopath Community

"The way I dealt with that is to answer back at the voice in my head that pushes me to strive for perfection"

I'm so glad you pointed that out. I thought for awhile that I had two personalities in my head conversing, what I've realized is that this second voice that really talks is pretty much a manifestation of the narc image Im looking to uphold.

"it got more and more aggressive but I don't feel perfectionist drives anymore, you should try it."

Instead of fighting it, I've just been learning to co-exist with it. Meeting it's demands at a healthy level to avoid depression while I keep a grip on things, I mean you know how it gets. You fuck up, slip and it comes screaming with OCD-like needs to get that supply or deal with the resentment. There's not much I'd rather face before I go against my own conscious, which is why im willing to go overseas to accommodate it. 

It's difficult, but learning to balance it, take advantage of that drive has proved to be far more successful and yield more fruits than suppressing it.

edit: also bang bang pepe

It's not going anywhere anytime soon, I've been working on dealing with the anxiety/stress from neglecting validation a little bit at a time, hoping to lower that bar. The goal is to one day get it down to a quirk instead of a compulsion. Easier said than done.

The key is needing to be good, to be perfect. Just being appreciated doesn't cut it.

That takes you off the narc path and right into a very underdiagnosed disorder called OCPD. It is very misunderstood, mostly in that people think it is similar to OCD but it is also misunderstood in other ways. OCPD is based on perfectionism and an idea one just does not have to be perfect, but is able to be perfect. And that perfect in some sense actually exists.

It is quite a bad thing in that even if the person gains insight in the behaviors, the emotional motivators will still be there.

When it comes to narcissism, it's often about ego, and the self aware narcissist will transform and allow others to adapt to them, with the same level of bullshit that comes with most typical relationships.

When I say you need to accept losses, I would mean, allow imperfection ( whatever is good enough) to flourish in most things you do, and let the perfectionism be more of a hobby on the side. 

( Our money 100% always comes from others no matter what )

Production quality = Good enough and will make you more coin due to higher volume and customer satisfaction.

High quality = Perfectionism. Is more expensive to buy, and time consuming to produce... Just to shorten the explanation, you'll make more money selling Civic's than Lamborghini's.

The high quality is what makes you happy but it's driving you into the ground.

Whatever you plan to do, use/do whatever is good enough, (production quality), then when time comes you can pull a high quality on the side.

You already know what you want, and what needs to be done in order to get it. The thing is, what needs to be done seems like it would take a million years to get to the next point, but it's not, just start doing it and it won't take as much time as you think. It may sound far fetched, but as soon as you get into something, you start meeting key people that works well with your vision.

Another thing that's very important. The heartbreaks. This is as bad as it gets. Worse than mourning death if that's your style. Self transformation is always painful, and where there's pain, it means the ego no longer serves us, and we need to transform or we'll suffer. It comes down to a choice, and when you experience surviving this, you need to realize what changed in you, and then you find that you are the better version of you. When you know this, you might even look forward to the next event that utterly breaks your balls, and if you understand it well, you'll shatter your old records for emotional recovery and once again you've become an even better version. The only problem when it comes to this type of evolution, is other people begin to look so underdeveloped especially the ones who complain about mini details that can't even scratch you. Others will either frustrate you, or bore you to death when you seriously claim yourself to be far above such matters that server as obstacles for the less developed.

Still it's a better trade off to suffer in boredom than in the darker despair of failure and low sense of self worth, cause you'll always have some clown somewhere to amuse you.

And always ask for money, or else it'll never be given to you the way you want it to. Get a fancy something if you have to, but save it until you can invest it into something that will result in more money than you put in.

Normally I'm dead against diagnosing people over the internet and people trying to diagnose themselves, but what you're saying sounds an awful like OCD to me. Just smth for you to ponder.

You're a lot more self-aware than most ppl your age, and imo you need to give yourself a break (I know that's easier said than done for you). So you fucked up in a relationship and spend a couple of months playing some computer game? So fucking what, everyone does stupid shite when they're young. At least you're still of a young enough age that you can make smth out of your life and you haven't done any damage that's irreversible. 

As I said in pm, your plan for the future sounds awesome, but you need to make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Do it because you want to be there, you'll enjoy it and it'll make you happy, not because you're trying to prove smth, either to yourself of somebody else. 

It's good to be self-aware and know shit about psychology, but you could be in danger of overthinking things. There's no point in ruminating over the past and unpicking every piece of it - what's done is done. Getting away from home and totally out of your comfort zone will probably stop you from being so introspective and do you the world of good. Just my two cents.

So it's working :P Use your desire to have control over yourself and be a boss of your own and snap em bitch ass chains. We's gon be free one day fellow negroe

"I guess each of us have our own way to deal with it, I personally prefer to be the ruler of myself instead of let some other thing to make me do things"

This is definitley along the lines of something i've been needing to hear. It's already stirring up feelings of conflict thinking about it.

Pretty much... although, in this case, what you're describing is called "projection" since that is what we do and why we are noted for being  truly horrible human beings. 

The next time (and this won't be the last) someone suggests you are lying for narc supply, take that label and deny it to the full extent and past the point of reason. If you have enough suckers hoodwinked they'll fight that battle for you, and you will have earned the name Jody in more ways than my birth certificate. 

You will have to believe your own truth, even when it is clearly a ploy for promoting an agenda.. You have no clue what you've lived and you know the power of manipulation is on your side with JADE and BIFF. She didn't fool you into a marriage, , but you got blindsided when she had enough of the little trips to the brothels and the catfishing.  Why are you surprised you could fool three women from your church and most other church goers with our rhetoric. . 

Sure, that is part of  the problem, but you are really short sighted. I also cry to the boys. Pretty much cry about it everywhere, whether there is any truth to any of it or not. 

I'm glad you're making the choice to take action, Sys. Being a covert Narc takes its toll in more ways than one.  It's time for some of the healthy kind of selfish... taking care of YOUR needs; physical, mental and spiritual (if you are so inclined) you may want to scratch Islam from the list though. A religion based on the rantings of a deranged pedophile really ought to give people pause for thought. But then again, disordered people aren't known for their ability to discriminate. Start with the basics... sleeping well, eating well and exercise. And always remember  send texts to anyone who will listen boasting about your sex life.. It's so easy to get confused between pictures of my kids and pictures of my junk...