Last night was an anomaly, brought on by emotional circumstances and a lot of whiskey. I love TC.
Edvard: Why would he want to kill himself?
Is it really that shocking at this point?
Edvard: Jumping in front of traffic is a lame way to go anyway.
I was too weak to go through with it anyway. It's also not the first time, other times in the past have had me get much closer than last night's blunder.
Edvard: Why the fuck would you make another person live with your death on their hands.
It's the other way around. My being alive is what's stressing and anchoring people, and this is when life is already so needlessly heavy perceptionally from my own assortment of flaws. My death would potentially mean freedom for those I'm dragging down, which includes myself. That's the "idea" anyway.
It's one thing when I'm stuck dealing with myself, it's another when others who matter to me are stuck with it and I am to blame. So many cases of situations I've been a part of would have been so much better off without my influencing the outcomes.
Daniella: That wasn't nice/reasonable. Did you expect Ed to know that Turncoat was depressed?
He should know by now that those sorts of things overtake me from time to time. He and I have discussed past dramatics I've exhibited.
TheCrowOnTheFence: Re-emphasized by his second statement, suggesting that TC should feel guilt over the matter.
I mean I should, but it's somewhat of a catch 22 when staying around creates problems too.
Shit just feels hopeless sometimes.
Sugar: ok. where is he now? is he ok?
I took a bus today in the name of a week long vacation from work and life. Some detoxing from those things ought to help.