because i wanted it to stop but it didn't stop and it's never going to stop
you wanted it to stop. what do you enjoy about life? it seems like you enjoy nature and squirrels, so your entire life cannot be one miserable horror. if it did seem that way, i wouldn't 'stand in your way'. suicide isn't the only choice. are you still taking antidepressants?
so now i'm studying for the social studies part of the ged.. or rather, my parents are making me study. i hate studying and i'd never do it of my own accord lol. i had to answer this retarded essay question that said something like "analyze these two completely obscure quotes from the 1800s and form some kind of opinion or thesis statement about them and tell how they relate and differ". it was complete bullshit, even my dad sat there and said it was bullshit, but it was the kind of thing i would have to do on the test so i wrote it anyway.
at least science is like, logical, and makes sense, you just write it how it is, like, this is the hypothesis, this is what we're testing, this is how we're gonna test it, this is how we're gonna evaluate the results. not so with social science..
kill me now
yesterday i was walking in a less built-up part of the neighborhood and i saw a bunch of deer, three or four of them, standing in someone's yard and grazing on the weeds. it surprised me to be reminded that although i always think of the city as belonging to humans iti's still part of the land.
my mom had a long ass conversation with me this morning and said that autism is a disease of the gut, and the things that irritate the gut most of autistic people are gluten and dairy, so she's putting me on a gluten and dairy free diet for ten days to see if it improves my mood at all. i agreed even though gluten and dairy are like the two best tasting things, just because we're all kind of desperate to find anything that'll make my depression any better. i don't even know the scientific basis of this, if this is some bullshit she read on the internet or if it's actually true, but we'll try it.