A few more of my one-liners:
Security is like sex, once you're penetrated you're fucked.
[spoiler] tags are the BBCode equivalent of a zip bomb.
A laptop computer is, actually, better than a laptop cat.
When life gives you lemons, don't bother with lemonade, become a lemon vendor and get filthy rich.
If you can't have a midnight snack, what, then, is the purpose of a refrigerator light?
The strangest part of life is, why did the kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
I don't have deadlines. I have dead teachers.
They sell parental units at Walmart, right?
If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving!