"Meanwhile murder has been your obsession and all you fantasized about for decades."
So what...
My interest in murder is no different than, say, a fisherman's interest in fishing.
"I've been fishing and honestly I can tell you the thrill of it doesn't come from some false sense of power and control."
I wasn't comparing the two in the literal sense, lol. I doubt anyone gets a sense of power and control, or even a false sense of it, from actually going out with a fishing rod and catching some fish in a river.
There is no false sense of power and control when you have someone's life in your hands. It's very real. The control is certainly very real and control is power.
"You're right, one's for recreation and the other is to fill some insecure, missing sense of control."
Why do you assume that?
There is no insecure, missing sense of control. I still have plenty of control over my life whether I choose to commit murder or not. It's just another form of control.