by RichardParkerOn to more important things, who the hell eats venison salami?
Whoever's fortunate enough to get hold of them.
What do you eat, normally?
And WTF is a larder
You from the americas, eh? Google is your friend.
and why did you attribute my words to Edvard?
Where did i?? I can't recall i did.
RainMaker, just stop caring about others and start caring about yourself. It's as easy as that, really. The fact that you place so much importance on the opinion others have of you shows how little your own opinion of yourself is. So you feel like you suck, but want to give the appearance you're awesome. If you KNEW you were awesome, you wouldn't need to ACT awesome, there would be no need to FORCE anything: it would all just be natural behavior to you.
Well, then, the only way for you to stop freaking out so much about others is to stop pretending and actually doing all you can to become awesome -- not because of his or her opinion, but because of YOUR OWN opinion. The next question would then be: what IS being awesome to you? What do you think makes someone awesome, RainMaker?
Edit: lol, got the wrong username.
by Etzelstart caring about yourself. It's as easy as that, really.
I don't think i ever cared about myself, simple as that. Neither I had much of an opinion of my self, never occurred to me that i should be a subject of any such scrutiny.
Yes, i know it may be perceived as arrogant by the rest of you, but from where I'm sitting i'm the master of the universe.
Note moreover that you are projecting you own opinion of what being awesome is into others' opinions. You infer that they think you are awesome if you act this and that way, because you yourself believe people who act that way ARE awesome. A little voice in the back of your head, however, is telling you "hey man, this is what being awesome is, but are you really that?". And so you begin to doubt yourself and to gradually mistrust your feelings more and more, to the point where the little voice in the back of your head stays dominant and convinces you that you are NOT really that, but that you MUST force the behavior.
And you force it. Yet, it still feels wrong and as the confusion grows in your mind, you begin thinking you are "mentally ill", or a "sociopath", and start searching for answers in the internet.
But this is exactly the point where you must STOP before you completely lose yourself in all this silliness, and you start asking YOURSELF wtf is happening to you and WHY is it happening. You ask YOURSELF -- not the internet, nor random psychologists who were born yesterday.
That's because you were a healthy and strong man, and were sure of your instincts. There was no need for you to "care about yourself", because you already did -- unconsciously and instinctively. You didn't and don't need to FORCE yourself into caring about yourself: it's all natural.
It even sounds ridiculous to you that someone may need to do this. But that's all good, it means you are healthy. That is clearly not the case with our dear RainMaker friend, however, so I'll continue with his psychoanalysis and hopefully he himself will start getting a clue of wtf his mind is up to, and more importantly what he should do from now on.
"I find the term "happy sociopath" amusing and a contradiction. But who the fuck knows, maybe SPs are happy and shit daisies all day long that's just not how I envision them."
I'm fairly sure I'm a sociopath and absolutely sure that I'm happy as a clam. : P
So now, my dear RainMaker, the question is: who's right? you or the little voice in the back of your head?
People should really make an effort to hear their little stupid voices. They come in very handy to show how stupid one is. What you must take out of this silliness is that both you and your voice are one and the same: Both of you have gone through the same experiences. If your little voice says you aren't really "awesome", then it's because you probably aren't. But here's the thing: is your opinion of "being awesome" REALLY what being awesome is? Perhaps you got it all wrong since the start! Perhaps your idea of "being awesome" is not really what you, deep down, BELIEVE being awesome is! And perhaps that is exactly what your little voice is telling you! Not that you suck, but that your preconception of "being awesome" sucks. That in reality when you think you're "being awesome" you're in fact being extremely pathetic.
And the process of interpretation goes on infinitely, while you still remain unsure what the voice is ACTUALLY TELLING YOU. And this is PRECISELY THE POINT where you PICK the interpretation that makes you feel better. And which one makes you feel better? That you are "mentally ill"? that you "suck, and must therefore act awesome, even though it feels unnatural"? or that you are "awesome, but forgot you were so and started behaving according to the preconception of others in order to fit in"?
It's at this point, then, that you start mistrusting the preconception others have of what "being awesome" is. If "being awesome" doesn't feel good; if your instincts are OUTRIGHT SCREAMING AT YOU that the idea your brain developed about what "being awesome" is, is stupid; then you STOP "being awesome" and stop forcing what does not feel right. You do only what FEELS right, what you TRULY want to do -- and that is what being awesome is. You gain a pair and you man the fuck up.
Because this is the crux of the matter: it's either you who sucks, OR the other people. And so far you have chosen YOU as the one at fault. But why, must I ask? Why not the other way round? How about you gain some self-respect and stop doubting yourself?
Some people can live extremely happy lives believing in the crap their parents and their schoolteachers indoctrinate them with about what "being awesome" is.
For them perhaps being awesome is having their own place, building a family, going to every excruciating and tedious social event, going out every friday night, being hypocrites to each other and manipulating others into liking them, earning a university degree, etc. etc.
Which leads us back to my first reply: But what is, then, "being awesome" to you?