I'm on a tight budget. I pay a lot for child care already so I can work. My budget might improve soon though, and they do have websites that help you look for sitters that have been well screened, with background checks and all. It's just been a matter of brokeness is all.
An unhealthy amount of solitude is when you go 3-4 months with no human interaction past ~5 sentences a day.
At least for me, i got so incredibly bored the last month, it made me reevaluate my life. Although at the beginning it was pretty nice calm and relaxing.
I need times off and i need times on with solitude. But i need a lot more solitude then most people.
I need it, so i do not lash out at people, as they are all doing something that slowly frustrates me over the day. I need to consider them, think about them, act accordingly, so much work... And if i lash out, they demand an explanation. Just for those few rare moments when they are fun. The only people i do not mind being with at any time, are my friends as they do not frustrate me, i do not need to care about them and they are fine with it. Thats how i chose them.
I saw your post and thought you probably deserved a reply from me. I've been trying to stay out of this place because it tends to drain me.
You've mentioned something similar in the past. I think you're pretty stressed out. I'm just going to tell you everything that comes to mind which might help you get through your problems.
Leave this forum. You've already got a lot of things on your mind and dealing with the drama and constant hostile atmosphere here probably won't help you too much. Staying too much on your computer, getting too little sleep and going over too many discouraging events will put your brain into overdrive. You don't feel tired but you also can't think straight. Most of my mental breakdowns have been from being too tired or too hungry, and I've ended up doing a lot of stupid things. You should also eat healthily, in case you don't already; the food you eat affects your psyche a lot (for example your level of concentration is largely dictated by your levels of blood sugar).
Everyone needs their own share of time. I think you should try to search what it is exactly that you want. I have a girlfriend nowadays (she's really kind, positive, enthusiastic and warm-hearted by the way) and in the beginning of the relationship I had a problem how much time she wanted to spend with me, since I had a lot of work to do and my own plans and projects. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to erase all my plans and projects and just spend time with her or tell her that I wanted some space. I ended up making some time for us to be alone but I also asked her to take part in the plans and projects I had, so I could still enjoy the things I used to have. You could also try to compromise. I don't know what you do when you're alone, but you could try to include the people you know in those activities.
For your relationship problems, I think you should stop pretending to be normal. Wearing a mask is tiring, and if someone doesn't like you then move on to someone else. There's a lot of people in this world, and you shouldn't waste your time with people who dislike you. As long as you give everyone a chance to get to know you, they can't complain.
I've realized that the kind of relationships and conversations that drain me are the ones I have with people I don't know on a personal level. If that's your problem, you should learn to take things onto a personal level. Tell people about yourself (just focus on the things you're proud of) and expect them to do the same. If I can't get a conversation to a personal level within 5-15 minutes, I won't continue the conversation. As for the people you work with and have to deal with on a day-to-day basis; they'll like you if others like you. You don't need to deal with them as long as you have other people standing behind you. They'll just adjust to your behaviour. It's how groups work
It's easy to give these two-pence tips but taking things to a personal level and leading group conversations aren't easy things to do, especially if you've been avoiding social interactions. But if you're serious about trying to fix your problems, which I guess you are, you're just going to have to work for it. You could read about group psychology and social interactions in order to be more comfortable around other people. The main thing is to be proud of who you are, and being a bit manic is alright. We live only once, and you shouldn't waste your time waiting for something to happen. Make some goals for yourself.
I'm doing ashtanga yoga, and I find it to be pretty relaxing. It helps with stress and it's a good balance for bouldering, kickboxing, parkouring, bjj, gym and other sports I do. You could always try it out and see what comes of it.
See you Silk, hope you'll be fine.
Why is it that every you post now it begins with a reiteration of how you try to stay away. You're obviously not trying to stay away because those of us that have been here a bit know you interacted with Silk on a more familiar basis as Whitewolf or whoever else you decided to be. It makes sense that you would comment on a personal post of hers.
I need a balance between people and solitude. When I have been around people for too long, even people I like a lot, my whole body screams for alone time. I like it though, so I gorge myself on it and sometimes end up having shut myself away for up to a year at a time, losing a great many close friends in the process.
If I'm at college and it's too loud and busy, I have a lot of work to do and I haven't slept or ate, I feel completely over stimulated and I have been known to sneak of to an empty classroom or even a toilet cubicle for a bit of quiet and solitude. When I'm out I put up a façade unless I'm with my closest peers and it becomes physically, mentally and spiritually exhausting after a while.
I need it and I feel extremely uncomfortable (panic attacks) if I can't shut the world out as and when I need it. I do, however, get incredibly depressed, existential and physically ill when I'm allowed to be alone for too long.
I sometimes feel like I'm two people, one who adores the presence of others and social interaction and a hermit, craving an empty and quite space to hide.
Having a routine helps a great deal. College keeps me talking to people and interacting, but I can always come home at the end of the day, bar my door and collapse into bed with a case of beer, a fistful of cannabis, whatever munchies I can scrounge and a good film.
(count how many times I say "I" and it might indicate to you how self obsessed I am)