Can't sleep because though overly exhausted for several months now, mania keeps my thoughts racing and so I figured I'd come here as always, to release. I bring up the subject matter because I'm at a breaking point. Much of which I've brought on myself due to many poor choices, and falling back into old habits- but I think it's also because I no longer respect my need for a certain amount of solitude. I think it's hard for me to know the difference between that need and unhealthy avoidance. Since birth, I've always needed quite a bit of alone time in order to feel sane and function at optimal levals. Something I have in recent years, have tried to force myself out of, thinking that my success in relationships and career would do better if I put myself out there more. The truth is I get overwhelmed. I don't know how to figure it. Is it because I'm introverted? Too self absorbed? Batshit crazy? All of the above? haha! It's hard ti tell which came first in the vicious cycle I find myself in. One thing is for sure- I'm not getting any solitude, and haven't for the last 4 years of my life- so I've become terribly avoidant in the social scene. I have no enery to deal with more than work and kids, so I get very resentful of people wanting me to spend time with them. It's easy for me to feel pulled in every direction, though nothing out of the ordinary is being expected of me. I think I am a personality type who can benefit largely from meditation and yoga- once I get myself back to a place where I no longer have to work all the time to clean up the mess I've made. I don't want to shut down, isolate, and avoid - just to keep my sanity anymore. Because I no longer feel that system works. However - I do need to acknowledge that I am the kind of person who does need a certain amount of solitude in order to stay healthy. So how do you judge when your need for solitude is unhealthy? Is it unhealthy to need a lot? How can you tell which part of it is being an introvert and which part is being disordered?
I feel the same sometimes, I prioritize my alone time though. If I don't I go through phases on insomnia, irritability, mood swings and depression. Which is 180 degrees away from my normal personality.
Find a happy medium. On my breaks at work I walk the coastline by myself or sit down in my car out in the parking lot. Maybe instead of large gaps of isolated time periods(which you seem to not have) why not take more frequent, short, people breaks. Works for me.
"So how do you judge when your need for solitude is unhealthy?"
After so long I'll at first start verbalizing my thoughts to the point of referring to myself as "we". Example: "I'm hungry, we should make a peanut butter sandwich." "Yes, we should and it has a good amount of protein for us as well."< whenever this starts happening, I go partying.
So, what do you do in your alone time?
I recommend having your solitude time be with everything else sorted out to the point that, during said solitude, it's not weighing on your mind. You ought to try a hot bath, or better yet, a hot tub with massaging jets. Could do like I do and have music playing for that too to make the steam more entrancing.
"So how do you judge when your need for solitude is unhealthy?"
When it becomes the majority of your life.
"Is it unhealthy to need a lot?"
It's not like there's some standard as to how much is a lot or not, but I'd say it's too much if it starts to get in the way of other things that you value or need.
"How can you tell which part of it is being an introvert and which part is being disordered?"
Does it matter? As long as all your ducks are in a row, who cares about if you're introverted/disordered?
I'd say try to focus on little things, little moments, until you can find a time where you can really veg out. A different perspective can change how stress accumulates (for better or for worse). Also finding a variety of things to do can offer a little distraction. At least you see that there's a time where things could become easier, maybe holding onto that will help?
Okay... let me just say I have REALLY been needing to talk about this for some time with anyone who can put things into perspective . It's so difficult now for me to hold onto any small amount of clarity for very long,anymore. I need a sounding board at this point so my ability to figure out what's happening to me, isn't analysed into circular self-debates- that have me so conflicted I end up making myself more crazy! I finally got my own room as of last night, for the first time in 4 years, so the one change may do wonders. I want to comment on each post once I can use a laptop tonight because so many good points were made. Right now I only have my phone, so I'll leave it at this for now. Thanks guys!
You didn't have your own room? For four years? I don't believe humans are meant to really coexist so closely, even in a serious committed relationship. Privacy and alone time are important to your well being. If you left and went on a trip where you had more privacy then came back to a stifling environment that would explain why you've felt different.
I am almost never alone. I run a business, have a second job, two daughters I'm raising by myself, and a relationship that has a 17 hour time difference. But mostly I've no alone time due to work and having a 4 year old as my shadow when I get home. I need more than a brief walk during the day. My solitude needs of the past were always at least 1 or 2 days of me time. A walk may do someone who has privacy when they get home, some good. But until last night I had almost none- ever. That in and of itself is enough to make even an extrovert want to hide away for a while. Thank you for the suggestion though. I do enjoy walks that get me away from people during the work day. I take them often. :)