As TC has already pointed out, you can have a fetish for anything. With that in mind, I believe that you have a fetish about having a fetish about psychopaths. Hollywood has glamorized the psychopath as being the Alpha, when in fact the Alpha only possesses SOME of the traits that we associate with psychopathy. In actuality, psychopaths are extremely unpredictable and are likely to abuse and become addicted to drugs (which is why I find it amusing when posters come here bragging that they have "psychopathic traits" but that they never, ever imbibe of any-fucking-thing. The highest rates of drug abuse (this includes alcohol) are found in people with psychopathy and sociopathy). Life with a sociopath is fraught with chaos; life with a psychopath is often worse (though one can occasionally discover high-functioning psychopaths and sociopaths, and thus, the prevalence of psychopathy and sociopathy are probably poorly represented in the literature). I would find it very unlikely that you've managed to encounter several high-functioning psychopaths in your (presumably young) life.
Actually, many sadists have vibrant emotions, the violent lust a form of outlet for their pent up feelings excessively bottled. It also can manifest as a mixed association instead of just raw violent intent, which is why some require comforting after being brutal if they've yet to accept it. For some it's an ego trip, even showcased when less experienced as pre-expectation as opposed to power, while for others it can be a direct turn on. It comes in a variety of flavors, not just of the antisocial personality sort, and can be difficult to generalize beyond "gets their jollies from pain/suffering".
It's easier to find sadists than psychopaths if you ask me. Many people have a sadistic bone somewhere in their body.
by KiloSquare
all of my relationships since age 16 or 17 are people who are psychos or similar. i just recently realized this the past few months. i especially like when they're sadistic. i don't like them being sadistic towards me, it's stuff they're capable of that's a bit of a turn on to me. the best relationship i ever had was with a guy that would always jokingly talk about different ways to torture people. he acted like he was joking, but he was serious. and it drove me crazy every time he talked like this.
then there was time when we were in his backyard, and he shot a stray dog with a bow and arrow (he was into archery) i swear this was the most turned on i'd probably been in my whole life. i remember he had this cute little smirk of satisfaction he gave me after he got his target.
he was definitely open open with me, but i wonder if its because he has more traits, too. either way, that was the closest i feel i've been in love my whole life.
i'm not on this site to find someone new, i just wonder what this is or if anyone else is like this
That is Psychophillia, and you are a sadistic psychophilliac.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, that would mean they are bound to the herd.