Lifestyle does have something to do with it. I was fortunate enough to "retire" early (I'm in my late thirties) to work on my bucket list. My drinking started to get worse shortly after. It became so bad it was interfering with other major plans I had made.
by retAs you said the problem isn't some fear or regret or problem from the past but your life that doesn't suit your mind.
"Speaking strictly for myself, I think my problem is inability to moderate my usage."
Can't keep a record of how much you've consumed and when, like how people handle calorie counting?
"Here are a few I tried: drinking only wine, drinking only beer, drinking only hard liquor"
I don't see how a specific alcohol would help your moderation, unless the tie is preferential in nature.
"drinking only at home, drinking only at bars, drinking only on odd-numbered days, drinking only on weekends,"
These seem like they might help, as long as you find yourself able to stick to it.
The odd numbered days one seems like you'd just go between hangover and intoxication in a seesaw-like fashion.
"drinking only in other area codes, drinking only in other countries"
How'd those work out for you?
"drinking only alone"
That sounds... really depressing, but maybe that was the goal?
"drinking only with friends."
Friends, the biggest enablers of all!
"You get the picture, I think. AA encourages people new to the program to go out and try a little controlled drinking. If you can control it, great, no reason to come back. If you can't... you may have a problem."
So I take it you couldn't control it? What makes that itch so strong?
"I don't really know why I can't do it alone."
How much have you delved into triggers and resistance? What goes through your mind during these moments? Is it a routine sort of thing, or is it unscheduled yet often?
"Fifteen years ago, I kicked a coke habit without the slightest difficulty. Alcohol, however has proven more cunning and baffling."
One's an upper while the other's a downer, so that doesn't sound too crazy. Have you tried any other downer drugs?
"It has been over 100 days since my last drink, but the obsession is still there."
What things remind you of what once was?
by possumSmoking, acoholic, ex-cocaine user.. sounds as though you like self abuse and shitty highs.
Maybe so, but alcohol is the only thing that has proven really problematic. Like a lot of folks, I used drugs heavily during my college years and then stopped when I entered the workforce. It wasn't difficult, which is one reason I'm so frustrated.
I agree with Tryp. ^
Also, I have a hard time with the higher power thing in AA. I prefer to believe I can control myself rather than any force outside of myself. I think addiction is a disease and can be treated as such. Meaning that rehab or a doctor. therapist can be of help. As can AA and meetings.
But I think the success belongs to the individual, not an outside force.
JMHO