You want to become what someone else wants you to be? 
That is a whole new level of submissive.
Never met a human like that before.
You and I have a LOT of the same interests.
Makes me think of a fantasy of mine that involves being one of a small number of slaves owned by the same Master.. Imagine, competing for his (or, in your case her) attention, to stand out among the others as being the best, or a favorite... Le sigh
"When you experience pain, get cut or whipped does it give you an erection or is it more like sucking in the air, slow breathing ecstasy type of enjoyment?"
Both, but the latter one takes some initial pain to adjust into.
"You seem to me, to be a bit of an eroticist. Pretty sexy."
That word's new to me.
"Are the pants only worn for sex and play time or you carry these roles outside of it?"
In most cases I'm just laid back snark, "asking for it" through constant teasing. I like her to be the pants, but I like her to be so by comparison as opposed to by making it easy.
"How do you figure out if someone you're interested in has destructive needs?"
It helps that I become interested because of said destructive needs, but it's usually a need to beat themselves up or otherwise appearing pent up without a means of letting off some steam. They usually make references of wanting to break or hurt people, but lack the courage to act on it. It's so fun to be like "Try hitting me" to those sorts of people.
Who I'm dating now for her first expression of destructive lust broke my watch against a wooden bench. The ones before her were able to be lead into sadism through coddling them through their own human limits, but apparently she only needed a taste to lose herself to it. She claimed she couldn't really enjoy sex until finding that out.
"Are you scoping them out as soon as they catch your eye or you build friendships."
People want to harm others rather readily. It's harder to find someone who likes pain than someone who wishes to dish it out. My relationships usually come from friendships, and if they don't I forge them into them during the relationship. I've remained friends with my exes save for one.
I tend to get them willing to experiment by offering myself as a pincushion of sorts. I don't care too much about letting people hurt me for the sake of watching their response to it.
"I read you like using influence ;p. Would you say you're a bit of a button pusher?"
A bit of one? How insulting~
"I can see why "princess" would get used. I get the feeling your button pushing is mischievous testing. ;p"
Yep. As much as I desire being the sub in a relationship, it comes with needs that I make more than clear.
"Why does being reduced turn you on though? Don't you find some of it degrading? How do you get over the dirty feelings or fight through your self esteem talking in the background?"
Power is sexy, it's intoxicating and knee-buckling. It'd only degrading if I can't take the pain.
My self esteem connects instead to my ability to not buckle or give in during the fun, to not have to say the safe word or otherwise ask her to stop. It's flattery to see how much her face betrays surprise at how much I can take, and being a partner that has yet to reach his limitations seems to be rather freeing for her. She's so... thankful that I don't require her to stop.
"Not having to be in control is relaxing for you? What a little stress ball you are."
BDSM is rather cathartic, it's one of the few times I really feel alive.
"What does aftercare look like? Just reassurance?"
Pretty much that alongside further teasing to show that yes, I want it and have it coming to me. It strikes people as weird that the sadist is often the one who needs to be rebuilt instead of the one who was relentlessly beaten, but there's a lot of inner drama some go through related to their desire to hurt other people, be it guilt or confusion related to their nature.
"What if it happened outside of play, would it turn you on or you like tosave it and only do it in restrained planned out moments. Like if she yelled at you in public and humiliated you, you'd tolerate that?"
I don't like people being rude, and I respect restraint, knowing when and how to display power with some class, but it would be kind of hot in at least the unexpected sense. I've dealt with it before, but such rudeness challenges me to be more defiant.
I also am good at talking people down who otherwise would make/are making a scene, so nothing crazy's come of it so far. The ability to flirt in ways that dish pain in a way that attracts less attention usually keeps any pent up aggression under control.
by Dick DastardlyYou want to become what someone else wants you to be?
That is a whole new level of submissive.
Never met a human like that before.
Because of my BPD and AsPD, I don't have a very strong sense of self or identity as it is, so I find changing to suit what people need comes naturally. Think of the way normal people change to be more giving etc at Christmas time. I already mold my personality to best fit whatever situation I am in, it is an advantage because people are simple, self-centered and most prefer to interact with what they know:
With Christians: I am a devoted child of Jesus, with whom I have a personal relationship. I have spoken with Jesus and He has told me that HE is our ONLY SALVATION. It is ONLY through HIM, through HIS blessed sacrifice, and by living out lives by HIS example that we will know true happiness, and paradise. You must let HIS love and light guide your life. If your heart, then you have a hole, and into that hole Satan and his evil will take up residence. They will corrupt, and twist your life. Give your life to Jesus. When you feel like you have nowhere to turn, turn to God. Trust trust in HIM, let HIM in, let HIM work, let HIM live in your heart and guide the path of your life. Through Him ALL things are possible, so read your Bible because therein lie the TRUTH.
but in a Gay Bar: Oh honey, you don't even know... I am the sassiest little twink bitch there. I'm sexy, snarky, witty, and horny. I know what I want, and I'm not afraid to go for it. Dance to the music, hang with friends, hit on hotties, I'm havin a GREAT time. After a couple drinks, I always get a little tipsy and attract attention, especially the one-night-stand kind. But if I'm not in the mood for that I go into superbitch mode and NO ONE had better fuck with me because when I walk in heads turn. I am here to have a killer time and I don't want no snarky little bitches getting all up in my face with their drama. Grrl, believe me, NO ONE messes with this bitch. FUCK with it, honey, just TRY and step in on my night, I DARE you. Z-Snap
Of course at work: I show none of that absurdity. I am a competent businessman, I know what needs to get done and I do it. I have no time for stupidity, or for frivolous things. I am a professional, after all. My presence commands respect, because I am respectable, I am responsible, efficient, and trustworthy. People look to me to set the tone and I do so while hardly speaking an unnecessary word. Of course, when I leave work, I go home which is in a considerably poorer neighborhood and so
Around urban Blacks and Latinos: I gotta be able ta throw shit when I need to. Motherfuckas never suspect a damn thing unless you show them is deserves respect and that sure as fuck means PEOPLE, nigga. It's not hard, tho. All you gotta do is talk like you dont got time to talk. Like you gotta get that shit out as fast as you can, cuz you fixin to go. Problem is you can't use big ass words cuz then bitches think you tryin to talk big, like you too hot for shit. Use easy little words and lots of fucking curses and niggas don't even know. Be thinkin I grew up in the hood an shit.
'Course, that don't fly with Whites: I live in the South, so aint hard to switch up, 'specially from ghetto to Southern cuz the words are the same mostly. Just less normal curse words and more made up ones like "dangon", I was raised here so 'yall' an shit like that is normal for me. It's how I learned to talk. There's a lot in accents, too. Caint just pass off the right words, ya gotta say em right too.
Then again, there are all sorts of whites and most of 'em think that rednecks are bad, so they try to talk like what they think is "normal". This is one of the hardest to fake because it actually involves consciously NOT being expressive. Like a news reporter, all of my emotion needs to be focused on when I EMPHASIZE something, or else not at all. Keep the curse words down to a minimum, but pull them out for emotion. This is the way most Americans talk, with no cultural inflection in my speech and an absolute minimum on multisyllabic words.
In my daily life I am a chameleon, changing my outward interests, knowledge etc as best suits my needs for the situation. I have my thoughts, my views, likes, dislikes, morals etc- but the rest is just a costume that I change to suit my needs. It doesn't matter to me as much as it seems to matter to others. I am not particularly tied to my appearances either (though there are limits there, as I wouldn't want to go so far as to become ugly to myself), so things like hair cut, weight loss or muscle mass are not a problem for me to change.
by TurncoatI refuse to be a part of the BDSM slave culture, such glassy eyed weakness is beneath me. If someone wants me, they have to be good enough to keep me, prove their worth as a sadist to me.
I don't need to compete with others, I am enough by myself.
It is a not inconsiderable mistake to believe that submission equals weakness.
Submission is the GIVING of control by the submissive- not the taking of it by a Dominant.
The fact that you think that it is weakness shows that you are beneath it, not the other way around.
Bullshit, I'd rather they earn it than me just hand it over so willingly. To make it easy for them is how it becomes me lowering myself, while challenging them makes them work for me. A slave does not set the bar, while a brat does.
A slave is the plaything of another while I am someone with picky tastes. Someone who wants to have their way with me has to be strong enough to prove themselves worthy of them, as otherwise it just isn't fun for me.
Haha, to be honest, it would give me a bit of distress, actually. There really is no me, just a collection of likes, dislikes and beliefs, most of which are contradictory, or else don't conform to any known pattern. To the best of my knowledge, I genuinely don't have a set personality, just a jumbling of thoughts and disorders.
I would probably end up approximating what I thought would be his perception of me. Though, I'd be lying if I didn't mention that part of the appeal of having a Master is that he, and such a structured, constant environment might help me figure out myself.