Sociopath Community

by DarkAges

I am somewhat repulsed, but I think it's more that I have a higher physical sort of empathy.

So what happens when you let's say watch a video in which someone gets murdered?

 Well, this may be a longer answer than I thought, but here goes.  I was plagued with nightmares growing up.  My mind was always a playground for deepest fears and contrary behavior.  Scary movies did affect me a bit.  Now, I almost exclusively watch horror.  Again, because I couldn't understand the nonsense in them, especially romantic comedies.  I realized very early that those love stories were completely stupid.  I mean, they say I love you, but they are actors and they are saying lines and acting a character.  At some level this is lying.  Total bullshit.  I doesn't help me believe in what is clearly fantasy of the most insipid kind.  I can believe and understand terror, sadism, and the will to survive.  Often, the most disturbing parts of those kinds of movies is I yell at them for being dumbasses.  I can't understand how little these victims in a movie don't fight back a little harder.  Who just accepts defeat when your very real life is on the line?  Idiots.  So, it's their fault in becoming a victim, really.  Survival and post-apocalyptic stuff also fascinates and entertains.

When I witness murder, I immediately have no concern whatsoever.  No pity, remorse, or concern.  I don't hate them or anything, but besides knowing it's just a movie and not real, I have no compassion for these people because I don't know them.  I don't expect anyone to care about myself out of the blue.  I feel I am not as delusional as that.  Would they REALLY think differently were I the one being murdered and they the witness?  Doubtful, but I worry it's an assumption in error.

"The difficulty I encounter is the obsession I have with compulsions and analyzing it.  Again, another feedback loop."

Only thing I can recommend is distractions. If it's not distracting enough, fill those gaps with more stimulus by multitasking. It's not a good solution, but it worked for me when I didn't know what else to do.


"I also can't stop thinking about disasters that could happen. Is it a worry?  Not really, except in terms of my children's safety. I'm a little bit crazy trying to protect against dangers, mostly highly improbable."

How over-reactive are you on the matter of disaster? The parts before that sound like nervous habits.


" I know there's an element of dissociation involved."

"I also have chronic existential moments. Mostly, "how the fuck is any of this happening?" And leading to fractal feedback loops of awareness of just how deep the unreality goes, you know? One of the most difficult things I can try and communicate.  It's a very real problem for about over a year now."

Did you have anything happen that may have triggered this supposed dissociative state? What were you like a year ago?

When I witness murder, I immediately have no concern whatsoever. No pity, remorse, or concern. I don't hate them or anything, but besides knowing it's just a movie and not real, I have no compassion for these people because I don't know them.

I meant a video of a real murder especially a very gruesome one.

Perhaps the pursuit of distraction gives rise to apparent attention deficit?  I mean, there's an instinctual part within that defends against this.  Which, then, has me analyzing it.  I feel one part of my brain is witness to the other.  There is always a completely amoral observational side, which is able to regard myself as a wonderful experiment and little more.  I am apparently right-brained, too.  Not sure if that is relevant.  But, I feel my left brain's voice in the matter meets this with harder detachment in compensation.  Something like that, maybe.

How over-reactive to danger?  I can think of maybe just some small things.  I don't like my kids or people by stairs.  I see all tripping hazards, calculate the balance and awareness the person has, and if there's even 1% chance I desire only 0% for danger ever.  Anything over that is a manifestable probability.  If it is possible at all, I aim straight toward impossible as much as I can.

As far as dissociation is concerned, I see pattern that's a trigger, really.  I even notice this to myself.  "Why am I thinking this now?  I get overwhelmed by a number of different kinds of things.  Stuff like "my brain is thinking about itself" or just "I'm here."  I can't retrieve memories outside of actually starting to have memory.  Like personal pre-history as that found in mankind.  And seeing everything down to the atomic or quantum mechanical or chemical scale, I look at the grass outside and wonder how many atoms are out there.  The number of it I wonder about grows to overload as I scan the rest of my surroundings.  I consider the zany concept of totality from some binary system at the root of all reality built up.  It's staggering to me, sometimes.  Try taking a piss and consider its journey to getting there.  Stupid shit like that.  I think I've always been like this, but the acquiring of knowledge has finally hit that capacity level to where further answers simply cannot be manifest in the situations I go through any more.

by DarkAges

When I witness murder, I immediately have no concern whatsoever. No pity, remorse, or concern. I don't hate them or anything, but besides knowing it's just a movie and not real, I have no compassion for these people because I don't know them.

 

I meant a video of a real murder especially a very gruesome one.

 Not much differently, really.  I may get more ticked off if the person was a random victim of some other asshole or killed for being "too different."  I honestly find killing kind of unevolved.  I just don't find it relevant by and large, and seems like everyone has an opinion.  Still, my reaction would be about the situation and not the actual killing of someone, gruesome or no (which is more the physical empathy/sympathy kind thing than emotional or caring), I am rather cold to it unless people I actually know and are in my life.  It irks me often that people expect shock or concern.  Who's the monster here?  The killers, that's who, if anyone.  I just don't see time the same way, which is more of a gradual development I have come through.  Another hard thing to explain for me.

"I feel one part of my brain is witness to the other."

You act like introspection is something mystic.


"There is always a completely amoral observational side, which is able to regard myself as a wonderful experiment and little more."

Is... that not a normal thing to have? That is basically how I identify with myself, everything else as something attached to that core piece.


"I see all tripping hazards, calculate the balance and awareness the person has, and if there's even 1% chance I desire only 0% for danger ever."

Do you act on this, or just worry internally?


"And seeing everything down to the atomic or quantum mechanical or chemical scale, I look at the grass outside and wonder how many atoms are out there.  The number of it I wonder about grows to overload as I scan the rest of my surroundings.  I consider the zany concept of totality from some binary system at the root of all reality built up. It's staggering to me, sometimes.  Try taking a piss and consider its journey to getting there. Stupid shit like that."

I must be too simple a thinker. I don't see much to be amazed at by the movement of something from point A to point B.

Act like it's mystical?  Hardly.  I am not sure how you mean "act.". There is no acting, this is words and text.  It is also the same as someone says they are talking on chat.  It is text, not talk.  Pendantic as that seems, it is more about wondering what acts you mean or if you are misconstruing an imagined implication.  When I am elucidating my mind and self, it is purely a construct of information.  The mystical element might appear as such just from the fact I find my own self confusing.  I treat it more seriously than many people know, but hardly am I mystical.  In fact, I am trying to demystify it.  Enough of semantics.

I do not find my thoughts abnormal.  I seem to treat them in such a way, though.  That in itself perplexes me.  It just seems so many others are just able to take it for granted, and casually.  I simply can't, and it is a perpetual motion (emotion) machine.

I do often intercede in disaster prevention, motivated by what I even consider as irrational logic.  I even just say to those concerned that even if it seems crazy, please humor me.  It seems to help people actually not do it, since I think a commanding stance on it, as in just ordering them on behalf of some rule they think is stupid, and feel better if it isn't an attack but a plea.

Seriously, I do concern myself with that amount of fidelity in the reality of my environment.  It is compulsive to me because I can objectively tell there is no catalytic situation I should really care about it.

by Buttered Toast

I honestly find killing kind of unevolved.

The world is over-populated and you think killing is unevolved?

Can you imagine how much worse this world would be if we were all too 'civilized' to kill.

Why would it seem evolved when it's such a primal act? Humans have been killing other humans for millions of years.

Killing for the sake of killing is mindless.

True, humans have been killing other humans for millions of years and it was acceptable back then to some degree. Hell, it was even entertainment for the crowd. Nowadays, everyone expects you to suddenly not have those urges anymore and all because we're more advanced in technology?

People haven't become more civilized. We've just invented things that make us lazier.

Killing for the sake of killing is mindless.

There's always a reason to kill, even if just for the pleasure of it.